Intro I am a 44-year old who has been married for 15 years. I have 3 kids with a 4th on the way. I have been masturbating regularly since junior high. My addiction took off when I finished graduate school and had access to my own computer in a private office for the first time. I have reached a point where I don't go a single day without using porn. I have been caught several times by my wife and have done severe damage to our marriage because of my unability to get free from this habit. I have made several sincere attempts to leave it behind me in the past but have really been able to make it a week without relapsing. I had a big fight with my wife the other night where she last her wedding ring and instead of being understanding I got angry with her for being mad at me for all of the weird feelings that the wedding had come to mean to me because of my past behavior. I decided that the only way that things are going to change in my marriage is for me to change and that isn't going to happen until I get rid of porn in my life. I'm clinging to the hope that I really will be a different and better person if I can just get through the reboot process. Here goes: Days #1 and 2 Well I made it through Day 1. I have got to keep reminding myself that the only way that things are going to get better is if I will go through the reboot process. I also have to keep telling myself that it is worth it. I will not become a better person until I do this and I will like the better person that I become if I do it. It also is the only path to becoming the husband that I am capable of being and the father that I need to be. I have always rather crudely suggested that I just need to get my head out of my ass and that is really what this is. I have become a big jerk who doesn’t seem to care very much about other people. I have become a people who can’t focus on details and does very sloppy work without really caring. Very happy to have made it through day #2. Actually, it has been two relatively easy days without any real struggles or strong desire to do anything. I know that the time is coming and I will have to dig in my heels and simply choose to not give in. I am preparing myself for this. I did have a very real sexual dream last night and it has left me feeling a bit strange this morning. This is also to be expected. I'm guessing that the dreams will only get stronger. It's funny. I can't believe how much better I feel after only2 days without porn. I think this shows just how much shame is dragging me down. Two days without doing things that make me feel bad and I instantly feel better.