Hi everybody. I am 16 and I've masturbated since I can remember, basically. When I was 11 or so I started watching porn and after about a year or so it became the perfect compulsive behaviour for me to relieve my axieties and paranoias on multiple times a day. At 12 or 13 I also realized I was bisexual and I really didn't know what to make of it. I now fully accept it ,and all of my family wholeheartedly supports me, but it was at that point that things got freaky as shit. I was so confused and my hormones acted on me in such weird ways that, at like 12, for a couple of months, I casually had my dog penetrate me, several times, and I even sucked on him. Yeah I sucked my dog's dick after taking it in the ass before I even really hit puberty. That is something I'll remember for all of my life. After that, shemales became the norm for me. I was then that I found out about NoFap, joined and in years I never really got past 2 or 3 weeks once and I would "relapse" almost every day for months yet I still was heavily active on the site. I think that it was part because I really didn't care too much, partly because I had a really unsettling, yet normal looking from the inside, family situation (my mother was nuts but it was what I always knew so I took it for a standard and that caused most of my problems. By behaving the way she did she poisoned me), and I must say partly because on NoFap there is a big part of really toxic, circlejerk-ish approaches to the matter that range from simply broscience to ideas even more pathological than porn addiction itself, full of begote repression of the self and founded on the concept of guilt and sin. Even there I always lied about most things for shame and fear of judgement, which means I was just lying to myself, and I think the constant confusion caused by this, the ideas that were hammered down in my mind from toxic side of nofap and simply, discovering my sexuality inside of this "double hell" actually worsened my insecurities, and my porn usage skyrocketed right from that moment. When I realized this, I quit nofap and tried to go my own way with quitting porn. For a while it seemed to be working but it all came back. I ended up watching my fair slice of sissy hypno. Never really got so into it like I've heard other people say but that shit is so powerful I think it really is killing my self-esteem and making me question my very sexual identity even though there is no real reason to do so other than having seen more girls with a penis than with a vagina at this point. I started crossdressing, which I really believe is fun and I genuinely love it, like, I would have got to it even in a world without porn, to me it is no more than a matter of, let's say, aesthetic taste, and I'm not ashamed of it... however, when you spend the whole night sending pics and vids of you in feminine clothes to random guys in 5 different Telegram incognito chats at the same time, saying that you're a slut and literally asking to be destroyed and degrading yourself in every way instead of sleeping is a problem. Secting on telegram is one of the most addictive and hardest to beat sides of my addiction, because for a little it makes me feel appreciated and considered, no matter how soulless, pathetic and desperate, but this is independent from crossdressing, I've been doing it since a long time, asking random guys to meet and fuck only to block them and delete the chats and the app immediatly after ejaculating. My father was a drug user for 10 years, before he had my older sister, and the dynamics and mechanisms of porn in general, but more than that sexting with strangers in particular reminds me so much of what he told me about cocaine it's unbelievably scary. It's something your brain just plain LOVES and the first few times, you might even benefit from it, except almost immediately you keep going for more, more and more, you do things you'd have never thought you'd do to satisfy that need, but it's really never enough, and after you climax, you feel so sick it makes you want to die. But it grips you in a loophole where everything starts to look impossible without it. I even got in a child porn loop a few months ago but luckily that still seems disgusting enough to me it ended almost immediately. I watched stuff with fucking newborns. And i masturbated on it. That was so horrifying it seemed I really was quitting after it but in a like week I was back to spending hours on shemale porn. I'm really fucking disturbed by it all at this point but can't do anything but keep on watching.