Becoming the partner I should be...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Rinchen, Jun 11, 2012.

  1. Rinchen

    Rinchen New Member

    I'm starting probably my third reboot (relapsed from the first two). So glad I found this site...makes me feel much more confident about this time around. Was seeing definite progress with first two reboots, but didn't really have the support of others to keep me going. I'm sure this site is really going to help.

    I'm a gay male in my late 40's; have a great partner of 7 years who knows of my porn addiction and is very understanding. He's very unusual--porn does absolutely nothing for him. He could look at the hottest porn movies/pics all day and would not get aroused, despite his having a healthy sex drive. For him, touch is the trigger. Needless to say, he has *no* problem w/ I kind of use him when I picture where I want to be: triggered by touch, not so much visuals.

    One of my sticking points is that I justify using porn to substitute for multiple sex partners in my life. Before I met my present partner, my previous partner (of 16 yrs) and I had an open relationship. This worked well for us. After his death in an accident in 2004, I went through a period in which I'd go on binges of sex with multiple partners. When I met my present partner, that all stopped, as he believes a relationship should be strictly monogamous. Despite him being a great partner, I have to say I miss casual sex, and I've justified using porn (to him and myself) to substitute for the lack of sex with other guys. So another goal in this reboot is to develop a healthier view of sex: as an expression of love for my mate, not an urge to be satisfied with any random person.

    I have read through a few of you guys' threads on here. Thank you so much for your stories--they are really inspirational and motivating. I feel sure that I'll be able to get through this with the support here!
  2. JJ

    JJ New Member

    Hey Rinchen, I hope you are still pursuing your reboot and that things are going well for you. We are here for support if you need it :)

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