Becoming a person again

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by kees, Nov 21, 2012.

  1. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    So, I'm back from vacation and able to write on the forum again.
    Happy (but not too happy) new year everybody!
    I had a really hard time during the holidays. Vacation always gives me stress and on top of that we had to visit relatives and I don't like that either.
    The last days of december there's fireworks everywhere all day in my country. I detest it.
    But despite my relatives who drank a lot of wine in my presence and talked about the quality of the wine also a lot, despite the fact that they have been told I was struggling with alcohol, I didn't drink.
    I wasn't always the most cheerful company. My wife told me that. I apologized for that, but also said that I had told her that sometimes I wasn't going to be cheerful without my drink. (And PMO).
    She had already sort of forgotten about that. Moan.
    Today I am home alone. Traditionally, the first day alone at home after having spend so much time with my family was always a day of a PMO-binge.
    Now, I'm not really tempted. I have done my chores first and after that I started to feel a little strange and I felt it was time to divert my energy to the forum.
    I'm glad to be in the new year. Apart from that little desert-incident I have been alcohol-free for two months now and a little shorter pmo-free.
  2. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    So you're about as old as I am?
    I wish I had quit drinking 25 years ago.
    I'm still struggling with it. But the more I struggle, the more it convinces me that abstinence is necessary.
    I hope next christmas I'll be cool about people drinking in my presence.
  3. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    Yes, I did buy myself a nice little electronical gadget. My wife said I deserved that. That was 2 weeks ago.
    Perhaps I should buy something else soon again. ;D

    I also bought somewhat expensive non-alcoholical drinks for the holidays. It didn't help much though...
  4. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    Yeah, tell me about alcohol in food...
    The most common solution by my relatives was to just not give me the items they put alcohol in. So raw meat without the sauce and that sort of thing. Not really encouraging I can say.
    It's a lot easier when you're problem is not so big that even small amounts of alcohol are a problem.
    It's like I have a peanut-allergy now or something, that's how cautious I have to be.
  5. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    Not so long ago I read that you have to cook a sauce (or whatever) very long to let the alcohol out. So I don't think that is true in most cases.
    And anyway: for now I don't want the taste as well. I'm thinking of alcohol all day momentarily. I really don't need a stimulus.
    Perhaps in the future I won't have this problem. But why put red wine in something anyway? Why not grape juice?
  6. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Hi -kees,

    Glad you survived your holidays with your humour intact. Just reading your insightful posts and responses made me feel good.

    My Father was an really severe alcoholic, all through my childhood and teenage years I tried to persuade him to quit drinking, he would for a few weeks then a big binge. I just came to the conclusion as I became older that it was his choice. I accepeted who he was. I have so much admiration for people with any addiction or issue that they choose to make change. Taking on several habits at once, wow, that deserves a big applause.

    I am trying to face my next challenge as my resistance to porn addiction increases I will tackle Sugar. I am not happy about the pull sugar often has on me. I put sugar in my coffee or tea in the morning and really could drink it without. Also, I have a weakness for sugary snacks, and really feel better without them.

    So your battles are inspiring and encouraging me to take on some others I have. Thank You.
  7. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    Hey F,

    Really nice to hear that you like reading my posts. --> Likewise.

    My mother is an alcoholic. I have a troublesome relation with her. My father also likes his drink, but he's technically not an alcoholic I suppose.
    No wonder I started drinking at an early age.
    I'm glad I quit drinking, but it's necessary for me to get some good comments about it sometimes and to never stop reading about how bad it is. Otherwise I might lose my motivation some day.
    I mean it's really hard for me not to drink, still. The centerpoint of my day is gone.
    In november and december I was in a small therapeutical program for it. But I've recently quit that. It's harder now.
    It's the same with PMO: I need the forum to tell me how bad porn is. In my vacation I started drifting away a bit. But fortunately I didn't lose it.

    Sugar, hmmm. I see what you mean. That's quite a habit for me as well. It's keeping me from losing weight.
    Perhaps one day.... But at this moment I'm quite happy with kicking two addictions.
    It's not as bad as drinking as PMO is it?
    I think with sugar it's not necessay to cut it out of your life completely perse. But using less would be good for you.
  8. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Hi -kees,

    Hope you are well. You are correct, I won't cut sugar out completely, just be aware of how much and how I consume it. Keep it as a sort of reward.

    It might make the days very stark not to have a few "guilty pleasures" ? So maybe I will accept that a few less healthy foods, sometimes can be a treat.

    Glad to read that you have approached the drinking with so much strength. I have some good friends that I wish I could encourage to give up drinking alcohol. I don't talk about it as I respect their right to make choices for themselves. I would be happy to see them quit but that is not my choice.

    Stay well -kees and peace
  9. youngoldie

    youngoldie Onwards comrades - we have to go back!

    Hi kees, hi fc.

    Addiction is no choice. Everybody with a clear mind would choose not to. Talking about alcoholics - many have tried, but failed. But they would let their addiction, if there would be way, which they could go - or which would fit to their personality.

    I tried with PMO and alcohol and smoking - and failed many times: But then came a moment and a chance and a way to go. And I did it and it worked.

    So what? A miracle? I don#t know, but i was not me. Or At least not me alone. It was grabbing the right moment..., I suppose.
  10. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    Yesterday evening quite late; I was behind the computer looking for a gift for my wife. My wife had already gone to bed. Then she came in the livingroom again, unexpected. She asked what I was doing . (Not in an angry way.) I told her about the gift. She was very pleased.
    I'm glad I wasn't browsing for porn. That would have been awkward.
    I'm so glad I'm not doing that anymore. Isn't it nice to stay faithful to your wife?
  11. youngoldie

    youngoldie Onwards comrades - we have to go back!

    Hi Kees - anything under control (Alles unter Kontrolle!), as it seems. Nice to hear from your wife.

    I have to confess something. Getting information from my wife (we were just laying naked in bed) that she is fertile at the moment, we talked about the possibility to have another child. (Okay, 20 more years of fuzz with such a small one :eek: ???). She was not against it, but she said there seems no big danger, as there has nothing happened many years, even with chances to do so. But now PMO free and 13 days without orgasm - maybe now enough sperms for that purpose?

    As she asked me to get an orgasm, she got one - from me. (Schaun wir mal, was rauskommt dabei...). And the evening was much better then described. But the main thing wasn't the orgasm.

    So, now to change the orgasm-free anouncement.

    Not enough: Next confession.
    In the morning I was just curious, how an orgasm from me would look like. So I decided and I did it: 3 Minutes, 15 seconds of spasms and over. Appropriate amount of fluid, and not only dripping... No bad feeling, no bad conscience, but WTF is all the fuzz about that?

    Okay, now to change the MO ticker (erhm... do I need one?)

    And a chance for more scientific research 8): having now a hormone load of two orgasms, we can now observe the reaction of my body to that... But I suppose, there will not be so much trouble (I'm having a theory, but revelation will come later...)

    Oh, I forgot: you have a dauerbombardement of hormones, how do you cope with that?
  12. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    Listen to the man with his golden voice.
    Wait for his calling.

    That was a nice song wasn't it?

    Right now I'm listening to a song of a famous dutch ska-band. I like to share it with you:
  13. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    Yes, well, you've got to have some small sins right? You can't live as a saint. That's not fun.
    I drink coffee. That's a small addiction ofcourse, but not a bad one.
    And occasionally I overeat. But not to the point that it is becoming a major health risk.
    Doing something bad, but not really bad, sometimes, gives you the feeling that you make your own choices. Or something like that. That you are your own boss.
    After I have eaten something unhealthy, I enjoy healthy foods a lot more. (For a while.)

    I certainly know some people too that drink too much. (When is alcohol ever not too much?)
    I don't Jehova them either. Except for when they ask for it and start talk nonsensive about how wine is good for you, or crap like that.
    Then they can expect my wrath.
  14. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    Yes, it's hard to say no to a fertile woman isn't it? I know, I've been there. I don't really want another child either, and I am younger than you, but my wife still wants one. Fortunately we combined seem not so fertile anymore as we were.
    Sometimes I really think it's better not to walk that path again, but then when I'm in bed I just lose my rational view on it. The bed is not a good place to decide this.
    (They also say that the bed is not a good place to decide whether or not your going to keep sex safe with your new partner. But I don't have that problem anymore.)

    Oh, and ofcourse you need to alter the ticker. But do you really need one? I don't find it anyones business when I did it the last time.
    A PMO-ticker I find different. That is useful to some extend. (I don't have one because I find it polluting the threads.)

    Haha, dauerbombardement. Funny word.
    I don't really feel that problem. My hormones are troubling me more when I don't do regular MO than the opposite.
    Sure, you feel tired sometimes after MO and you can't think straight for about an hour. But the same thing can be said for the situation of abstinence; Then I get headaches and disturbing thoughts, preventing me from thinking straight even more.
    I think there's a break even point for this, but the figures are a bit different for everyone.
    (I do think for anyone more often than once a day is not useful. If once a day doesn't satisfy you, then you can safely say your behaviour is a bit too compulsive.)
    To get back to your question: if your hormones are troubling you, just use Kolinahr. (I don't have to tell you what that means, old pointy ears.)
  15. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    hi -kees

    I agree tickers are not really necessary they should be individual choices , if a rebooter finds them useful reminders okay, if someone wants to get rid of them okay, either way good choice I think.

    I like having a porn ticker right now, I may choose no ticker one day. I am not M'g and may never?!? I am not sure. But I am not tracking M as my only real goal is not to use P.

    You guys are contemplating having kid's , that's cool, I and my wife had our son pretty late so no more kid's for us but I would adopt children if I was wealthy.

    Good going -kees, stay well.
  16. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    Uhm, my wife's contemplating it. I'm just happy every time she reaches her period.
    Well, part of me wants it too, but I just don't think it's sensible. My wife is about my age and I'm afraid of the risks too.

    Adoption? You must really love kids then.
  17. youngoldie

    youngoldie Onwards comrades - we have to go back!

    Maturbating regularelay doesn't produce enough sperms (especially in our age). A two week's break could provide that. How long was your longest O-free time? Ahem... if something hasn't been tried, one doesn't know...

    But earnestly, having no offspring would trouble me. Especially if I would get old and have nobody left there... I get even sad, when I read or hear from Parents loosing their only child...
  18. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    Well, I haven't done it for something like 5 days once. Perhaps a week. But I'm not sure.
    Usually 3 or 4 days tops. But normally I do it sooner.

    Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all....
  19. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    Quitting porn and booze would be easier if I didn't have such a boring life.

    The weather in the Netherlands the past couple of weeks can be described as fifty shades of grey. It's raining a lot. It's not really the kind of weather in which I like to be outside. So I'm in the house, doing my work and not doing anything naughty, ever. Like a good boy.

    It's no wonder so many people drink beer and wine and more and watch porn. When you don't do that, and the sun doesn't shine (you can read that metaphorically if you like), you can't help wonder what the meaning of life is. Or more down to earth: what the fun of life is.
    I really don't know the answer to that. I'm merely here because my wife will cry if I stop living.
    I'm not saying I would commit suicide if I didn't have my wife (anymore), but I would certainly be less careful about my health.

    I'm having backpain again. I suppose it gets me in a dark mood.
  20. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Hi -kees,

    I am so glad you are here. I know what you mean about grey weather. We finally ave a bit of snow but still mostly grey. The daylight is increasing which is very good for me personally.

    I used to think the northern people , with winter etc. were more prone to beer consumption but I think it is a planet wide situation.

    I understand you have back pain, is there any kind of exercise you can manage? Is there a community pool for swimming? We have several they require a 25 minute drive but that is a small price. It can be a real treat to swim in a pool in the winter months when usually only the wealthy get to. My exercise is becoming a good addiction. Weight lifting and running/walking. Really helps my mood.

    Sounds like you get lonely. Is there any kind of not too complicated group you can hang out with? Maybe based on a hobby or study of some kind. Something to look forward to.

    You can message or email me if you ever want to "talk".


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