Becoming a person again

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by kees, Nov 21, 2012.

  1. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    I am sorry for your loss -Kees,

    I wish peace for you in dealing with your loss.

    Your friend,
  2. youngoldie

    youngoldie Onwards comrades - we have to go back!

    Herzliches Beileid, sagt man in Deutschland und "Pole sana (Mitgefühl sehr)" in Ostafrika. Da war ich mal in meinem früheren Leben...

    I am eager about hearing your answer.
  3. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

  4. youngoldie

    youngoldie Onwards comrades - we have to go back!

    Thank you! great improvements!

    :mad:I wrote a lot of replies, and managed to delete it! Now I feel sucked of that forum. just as you mentioned - the forum consumes time! Maybe just changed the addiction ???)

    I have to think about it/making my rules/schedules. Still need to manage the other part of my life.

    Uhmmm - farewell to forum? :'(

    Not yet! So long!
  5. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    Well, I would regret it if you stopped the forum already. It's helping you right? So it's better to just spend less time on it.
    You're a bit of an extremist aren't you? Watching 150 episodes of Star Trek in a row as I recall. Spending eight hours a day on a forum and then after a month, when you've made some interresting virtual friends, wanting to quit it again.
    Well, look who's talking. I can't do anything normal as well.
    But make an effort: How many hours a day (or minutes) do you want to be on the forum? "Just do it!"


    Something else: I think part of my succes so far, as you mention, is because I also quit drinking.
    I thought this might make it harder. But it doesn't . The opposite is true...


    Yesterday I saw a jogging lady. I didn't go crazy. I had a really milder response to it in my brain than before.
    Quite a victory.
  6. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Hi -kees,

    Glad to read your rebalance is working , both with PM and drinking . Very good.

    Stay strong.
  7. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    Rebalance; that's a good word.
  8. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    Happy last day of the world everybody!

    (What a load of crap.)
  9. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Hi -kees,

    I am with you... Happy Dec 20th! . Saw a neat movie last week ... "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World" which was a nice comedy , drama , romance.

    Stay strong.
  10. youngoldie

    youngoldie Onwards comrades - we have to go back!

    Hi Kees,

    Thank you for your report.

    first of all, here is the link of the Orgasm Reboot. I liked that Idea. But not necessary for me.

    But still a way to go on.

    BTW: I have self-diagnosed me to be an Asperger - mild case of autism (Called the little-professor-syndrome)

    Star trek 200 episodes. Now understanding somehow spoken an written French-Italian-Spain.
    Was some kind of hiding into a hole and waiting, till the tunderstorm is over... But I have watched 500 more... multiple times. Mostly bingeing.

    Forum one hour per day. After office duties...Plus sleepless nights...

    The jogging lady - weaned from porn - ur used to see them as normal persons (even if sexy)?

    I don't see MO inferior. I just go to extremes. Just like that guy:

    It's not my model - but the approach is interesting.

    Sorry. No whole sentences. Powered out ... 5 a.m. in the morning. Good Morning!
  11. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    I don't know if you saw it in the cinema, but in that case we can only see it here with a half year delay.
  12. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

  13. youngoldie

    youngoldie Onwards comrades - we have to go back!

    HI Kees,

    nice to discuss that MO issue with you. I was aware about possible problems and was open to M or MO. But i got additonal information about the hormone surges during M = edging. Gary Wilson pointed out, that MO is relaesing less hormones, and I looks, as your experience shows that.

    Actually, when i felt uneasy, I used to M few times on a very low level (even if it can be considered as M), just to get the hard boner, and then to experience that decrease in sensitvity and not to go further. Means to avoid hormone rushes and heart beating.

    So staying away from MO is even motivated by reaching hall of fame, and to extend the ticker, and knowing not to have relapsed - sort of game men are playing.

    Good to hear about your approach to the "next level" starting MO: Sounds like a progress in rebooting. The same appears to the fact of having a chance PMO and not doing it. Gary Wilson pointed out in his videos, that a balanced brain can decide not to do something. An addict seem not to have that freedom.
    But I think about that guys who relapse all the time and lack sucess. So an advice how to reboot in controlled way would be helpful for them.
  14. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    I think that several ways lead to Rome here. You can either reboot (without MO) or rebalance (with MO).
    One is not better than the other. It's just a question which suits you best.
    I've tried to give this advice to a few people who tried to reboot and relapse all the time. Maybe it's time to change your strategy then? But then I'm the devil tempting them, so I don't bother anymore.

    It would be interesting though to have some succes rates of the groups of rebooters and rebalancers. Succes rates of a large group could say something. My experience alone is not significant ofcourse.

    I don't edge by the way. Except for when I'm with my wife and I'm focused on her.
    If I were to edge by myself, the fantasizing would take too long.
    So if I MO I do it short and tidy.

    By the way: hard boner (quote) is redundant. A boner is always hard.
    Really, that is such a German way to say it. (With an accent: Oh Ja, eine harde Boner. Du Hure.)
  15. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    I just had to write an adress on an envelope. That causes about as much firework in my brains as MO.
    (And it takes longer.)
  16. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    Some *sswipe gave me a dessert with alcohol in it yesterday. I tasted it at the first bite. I did ate the first bite though. Couldn't help myself. I threw the rest away. Was quite angry. But got over it and moved on. Now I'm better.


    Due to vacation I will be very little or not on the forum for about a week.
    I wish everybody some good holidays. With a hands on mentality you will surely make it through these days PMO-free!
  17. Von

    Von Member

    In my personal experience I did give up porn but kept using MO. For ME there was not allot of healing in that, as I held on to all those images and fantasies while I MO’ed. I really needed (still in process right now) a complete and total reset in my head. Things just got easier when I stopped all together. I can see you stopped drinking recently as well, congrats! I got sober when I was 17 so it’s been about 25 years for me; I would have never been able to do it if I tried to only take 1 drink a day. For a long period of time I stopped hanging out with people who lived like that, no clubs, no bars nothing…. By my mid 20’s I was a musician playing clubs and around people doing all sorts of crazy stuff, but it no longer affected me. Since I gave myself the space and freedom to heal, reconfigure my beliefs about it, when the time came I was good as gold and never looked back. So for ME to not MO or anything makes total sense to me. But of course I am not married and that’s a whole different ball game! Excuse the pun… You’re doing great and it takes allot of courage to do what you are doing keep it up!

  18. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Stay well -kees (fleshnbones)

    Good holidays to you sir!

    Great post Von!
  19. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    Only a few more days and this vacation is over. I really hate vacations with the kids.
    I'm cracking up a bit. All this drinking around me is taking it's toll. But I haven't drank and I haven't PMO'd. That's a good thing. I'm having some pretty disturbing thoughts though. It's really hard for me not to be able to visit the forum regularly.
  20. youngoldie

    youngoldie Onwards comrades - we have to go back!

    Hi kees,

    back again! Yes, this forum is somehow comforting, but one needs some control not to overdo it...

    About alcohol: I got a certain lot of Bier, Schnaps and Wine as Christmas presents. But it doesn't affect me, to have those reserves around. My wife still drinks some here and then, and we had it in the dishes and desserts - no effect to me. So I wasn't addicted to it, just didn't good to me.

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