Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by kees, Nov 21, 2012.
Yeah, momentum, I like that. But am I a small car or a freighttrain?
I prefer the train ofcourse.
Hi Flesh and Bones (kees)
You are going well. Glad to see your posts.
Well, 4 weeks porn-free. That hasn't happened very often since my first 14k4 modem.
That is to say, free...
Last night I had a terrible nightmare in which I also was forced to watch porn by someone. I didn't mind it at first.
After a while I remembered (in my dream) that I wasn't supposed to watch porn. That freaked me out, because now I had relapsed. The shame.
Since I was asleep, the images were very vivid and I woke up aroused and feeling guilty.
It took me a while to become convinced that I hadn't actually been watching porn. I had just dreamt about it.
The result is me feeling not so good. I think this dream overloaded my brain and set me back a little.
Never surrender, never give up.
That sort of thing.
Everyone is still asleep. Except for youngoldie, but he's doing some work in the mountains.
I wish I were special
So f*cking special
But I'm a creep
Ah, een medelander? (Fellow dutchman?)
Oh grappig. Dat ken ik wel ja. Leuk dat je 't probeert in ieder geval. Tot ziens zal 'm wel niet worden. Maar tot schrijfs dan maar.
(Oh that's nice. I know the place. Thanks for trying. Your dutch is certainly understandable. Well "see you" perhaps not but "write you" is "can do".)
My friend -kees,
When I watch movies with sub-titles I can never fully focus on the movie action. Sorry just trying to be funny. Love trying to read the different languages. LOL.
You receive a full pardon for anything that happens in a dream. At least the dream was significant enough for you to remember. The dream seems to be checking in with you to make sure you really want to separate from porn. And no wonder, the subconscious has been trained to go there for comfort. By rejecting the suggestion you have no need to feel guilty. It's time to celebrate. You're purging the toxins from your mind.
You've been busy around here haven't you? Almost some kind of a senior member already, if I got my stats right...
I try to post a lot too, but after a while I get "full" reading other peoples stories.
That's a funny remark about you having difficulties with subtitles. In the Netherlands we grow up with that kind of thing. Even at a young age, half of what you see has subtitles. Funny enough not in out neighbour-country Germany. There they like to change the original voices in german voices. (Don't know what the term is voor nasynchroniseren. Aftersynchronisation?)
Yeah, that's a good description. My mind is surely struggling with this.
Last night I was up for some intimacy with my wife, but it went very bad. I lacked libido. I normally don't have that problem. I think it was a setback from the dream. The dream felt like I actually watched porn. It blew my receptors away, so to speak.
Today I was frustrated about not being able to perform yesterday. I also didn't feel like MO'ing instead. I did have an urge to watch porn to get aroused again. I didn't do it, but it was the first time in a month I actually considered it.
This lack of libido is making me insecure.
Perhaps this is the infamous flatlining everyone talks about. I can't check it, 'cos Ybop seems to be down.
It would be peculiar if it were flatlining (correct me if I use the term incorrect), because as you know I'm not doing a proper reboot. I just quit porn, that's all. But perhaps that let's you partially go through the same cycle?
Yesterday I saw a talkshow with the family in which they always haven an intermezzo of funny little clips of other tv-programs.
This time they showed excerpts of a show in which dutch people make amateur porn. It's called Passion in the polder. Really cheesy.
Before my "being born again" seeing this would have me think how I could find reruns of this show.
Now it mostly filled me with disgust to see strangers doing stuff with each other.
I think that is a good change.
Also I seem to have lost my popularity here. I'm not getting any feedback any more. :'(
Is it because I use the word masturbation too often? I don't see what's wrong with the word masturbation, but I will try to use the word masturbation considerely less. So, no masturbation. And don't mention the war. I'm doing quite good, so far.
Strange, isn't it, that it makes you sad now. But that you wanted to do that for so many years.
I'm such a sad git, begging for feedback. It was more of a joke really. (Also that part about the words.)
I did have quite a good conversation with my wife. She noticed there was something different about me. I've had a bit of a stressful day and had spent too much time on the forum. It becomes a new obsession if I don't watch out. Okay I will quit for today after this post.
I told her that I had already not looked at porn for a month. And that I felt good about it. And that I wasn't quite sure about this whole MO-thing, wether is was good for me right now or not and how often.
I got the impression she didn't like hearing about this. She has a "what you don't know doesn't hurt"-approach to this.
the English speaker dub a film. They are quite curt (kurz).
If a country has less inhabitants than some of our major tribes, it doesnt pay for the movie industry to dub.
See my outpouring at slader/adrienne...
About checking for the family members:
Time-consuming, yes. Tought to make a schedule for visitig :-\
On the other hand:
Not everybody who reads does also write. Shoud leave sth. like a mark: Was here. Had nothing to say.
This community helps. the contact, knowing the personality, the needs,etc.
Yeah man. We need a "Like".
I should problably change my name to Master Bator. But then I'm unfindable again. :-[
And about subtitles: I'm glad they don't subtitle everything in The Netherlands. That's how I learned my english.
I do like to go to the movies though whenever I'm in Deutschland. It's hilarious to see and hear Tom Cruise speak german.
Best thing is to have audio and subtites from the same language. This speed up learning.
I took some time and red through your journal. You had a heavy start, but you worked through many interesting aspects. When I look at your first post, it see a lot has happened. Just for interest: How do you look back now? What about shame and guilt. How do you perceivce your personality now? And what physical changes do you see? How is your connection to your wife now compared to before?
The other question is about MO. I red somewhere, that you are not certain about it, but you do it.
I had also the idea, that it is something natural and that I would return to it - in a relaxed and healty manner. Its not only personal interest, but also about all the other guys who have problems with it, have mo mater, or have questions about their sexuality.
Do you have some rules for youself? Certain intervals? Are there changes, whe you are intimate with your wife? How do you feel about it? would you leave it, if you could?
You have not to answer 1 question, if you don't like, but you are such an interesting study object - in a scientific meaning 8). But you are also a good friend in the neighbourhood...
BTW, you are different from all that other guys (Nofap - PMO relapse - nofap - PMO relapse - and so on)
There is also the orgasmic reboot concept here on YBR. Have you red about it?
Have a good evening! I do some last-minute-shopping with my wife...
We had a death in the family this weekend. It was quite sudden. I was (and am) very sad about it.
PMO is further away from me than ever.
Also I'm glad that drinking is not an option anymore. It's better to go through this with a clear head.
Yes, it really does. It emphasizes the need to make the most of your life.
Those are some interessant questions you ask me.
I will try to answer them tomorrow. (I love you tomorrow. You're always a day away.)
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