Small relapse over the weekend. Not totally unexpected. The cold really fucked me up. I am still having a cold. Getting better I guess. Needed to get to town. Wow. So many cute, fit girls out there. I am like. wow. I cannot believe I chose P and gaming over this. Glad this isn't coming from a place of regret. I don't regret the things that happened. P has been a great teacher. Probably my fantasy is that I'd be together with my high school crush and we'd live happily ever after. I've meet a few couples who were like together since High School. Probably never dated anybody else. I am very happy for them. But all of them look a bit emotionally weak. They haven't really experienced the full spectrum of existence. I think you know what I mean. In retrospect I am glad it didn't work out with my crush in HS. I am glad I had a big PC gaming problem. etc. Life is great. Feels so nice to just appreciate things in life but at the same time not cling to them.