Becoming a complete human being

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by NoDestination, Oct 1, 2016.

  1. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    This. And more specifically, relapses are my greatest teachers. If and only if, you delve into the reasons of why you relapse.
  2. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Hi, Guys.

    Still in China. Looking forward to return to Europe in few weeks.

    Went 2 months no P and no M. Relapsed. Learned a lot.

    Some insights

    1) Karma and sex. When having sex the energy and soul bodies unite for a brief moment. Just pure fucking emits greyish light and attracts bad shit. Lovemaking emits white light and attracts good stuff. You should have as much sex and pleasure as you like with the person you love just not with somebody you just want to fuck if you don’t want to mess up your energy and soul body. This makes sense to me. Google casual sex and karma.

    Had a nice opportunity to have casual sex with nice Asian girl but didn’t feel like it. I knew it would make me feel empty after. Life is not about sex. I don’t mind being virgin for the time being. I don’t want to define myself in terms of sexual activity.

    2) Constant practice. There is no break. We need to work everyday. To keep the dark out and let the light in. There is no magic realisation that will make us free of work. By work I mean things that raise our “vibration” level. Meditate, socialise, do good things, etc. Every single day we sink down unless we do practice. Even great spiritual masters they practice continuously. There is no magic break. This is not a bad thing.

    3) Balance. I’ve booked too much vacations. It is starting to hurt my progress. Too much vacations not good too little not good enough.

    4) Porn addiction or whatever addiction is a lifestyle problem. Our light balance drops under a certain threshold and we relapse. When we are happy etc our vibration level, energy account is high, we don’t relapse. When it drops bellow a certain level the probability of relapse just goes up. Nothing good or bad just “energy mechanics”.

    5) There is no cure. P or whatever will always be around. If we continually work on keeping our vibration level up we are fine. If we get careless and let our vibration level drop we are in PMO land again.

    6) raising vibration/energy up is a very hard thing coming from where we are. We are in energy debt. Each day we need to raise energy to pay off some of the past debt and pay the daily energy rent. Very hard work. But it gets easier as our vibration level increases.

    In short: we need to work hard everyday without pause to raise our energy levels. If we don’t we are going to be in PMO land again very soon.

    I guess nothing new here. Sometimes it just take a while to accept certain things. Now time I do some meditation.
    Fry2 likes this.
  3. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    4) Porn addiction or whatever addiction is a lifestyle problem. Our light balance drops under a certain threshold and we relapse. When we are happy etc our vibration level, energy account is high, we don’t relapse. When it drops bellow a certain level the probability of relapse just goes up. Nothing good or bad just “energy mechanics”.

    5) There is no cure. P or whatever will always be around. If we continually work on keeping our vibration level up we are fine. If we get careless and let our vibration level drop we are in PMO land again.

    Thanks NoDestination, makes perfect sense to me. But what do I do when I have to little energy to raise my energy (see point 6)?
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2018
  4. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    Love this post! First, yes, casual sex feels dirty. Not good for the soul. Not pure. Totally agree. Some guys are heartless, or girls,and can add notches to their belts and get high fives, but I know deep down it doesn't feel right.

    We need consistency and moderation. Exercise the body, the mind, the spirit. Ask a guy who makes millions and can sit on a beach for the next five years. What are the chances he becomes miserable? There is a comfort, even a joy, to be part of the masses, part of the struggle, work, find some sort of evenness. Vacation is fun for a week, MAYBE two, then its like la-di-da..what am I doing? The mind and body need some sort of work. I don't know exactly about porn addiction and lifestyle, as I'm no expert, but I see the correlation.

    Back on the horse brother. Back to the good life.
  5. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    You're never obliged to have sex. But at the same time, it's also ok to have sex. Rebooting/NoFap also has this possibility to view sex as a thing to avoid and that feels a bit extremist to me sometimes.

    Just follow your gut in this.
  6. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    @Fry2 There are some simple insta vibration boosters.

    Praying. Start praying bro. Figure out what resonates with you and do it. After waking, before bed and before temptation.

    Gratefulness. Take a moment and feel grateful. Focus on something that is meaningful to you.

    High vibration music. Start listening to some Krishna Das or similar. Don’t try to analyse the music with the mind but try to feel it. Hindi stuff doesn’t resonate with me but the intent does. Search for
    sri argala stotram on YT. I have no idea what it means but the vibe is incredible. Fixed my mood instantly.

    This is the simple stuff that doesn’t really require much effort. This is like the side dish or quick snack. Of course meditation, exercise, socialising with happy people, eating well, helping others etc is the main dish to raise vibration level.

    We are the underdogs here. We are in PMO land because we have chronic low vibrations. Need to constantly work to raise it to avoid PMO land.

    I truly thought that P addiction is just a blockage in the energy body. Like kidney meridian or something.

    I think all bad behaviours just boil down to vibrational bank account details at the end of the day.

    Do more stuff that raises your vibration than lowers it and we are safe from The bad lands. In our case the PMO land.

    People who don’t have problems are just consistent in their vibrational bank account. Do more to raise vibration than lower it.
  7. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Why gratefulness, prayer, cold showers work ... the ego is bypassed ... for a brief moment you just are without any bullshit and emotional baggage from the ego.

    That is why some meditations work better than others. If ego is bypassesd it works beautifully.
  8. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Back to basics.

    Morning sets the tone of the day.
    Do my best to get out of bed and out of the apartment ASAP. Incredible what difference does it make. After brushing teeth and stuff I immediately go to a nearby coffee shop for some toast and tea. To my surprise this makes a huge difference how the whole day feels. Never would I have imagine that this makes such a huge impact. I understand now why lots of very successful people talk about their morning routine with such reverence.

    Don’t get hungry to much.
    Incredible how mental capacity diminishes when hungry. Noticed myself getting super tempted. I am like WTF dude. Yes. I am hungry. But why soo horny when hungry? Instead of PMO or watching P just went out to grab some snack. No more P problem.

    There is an incredible girl out there waiting for me.
    Don’t understand why but truly believing there is this incredible girl out there with my name on it. Soon I will get to meet my soulmate. I know it. When thinking about this makes P seem irrelevant.
  9. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    "Expectation is the mother of all heartache"

    Its nice to believe that, and may well be true but id say dont build up a fantasy about this incredible, perfect soulmate woman. Just in case the reality of the situation doesnt quite live up to that idea. Fairytales are well, fairytales.

    Real relationships can be beautiful, don't get me wrong but they are real

    Imo of course

    Good luck and keep up the good work :)
  10. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Thanks, bro.

    Some bullshit mind farting bellow:

    I can fantasise about women I have been seeing in P or I can fantasise and truly believing about meeting an incredible woman IRL.

    I remember eating alone at a restaurant feeling tempted about P. This girl walks in with friends. Just absolutely cute face and smiles at me. Any temptation I might have had just wanished.

    Looking back at some events that happened. There is this saying in martial arts/spirituality. When the student is ready the teacher will come.

    I think that when the man is clean a great love(girl) will come into his life.
  11. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    That quote would equal: once I'm free of all my faults or once I've reached all my goals I will find my dream girl (as a reward for my efforts presumably)

    Well if that were true I'm yet to find my dream girl, yay. I just wonder what I tell my wife then ;)

    However I don't think life works that way. I'd rather believe in your ability to improve and keep moving forward despite the hits and setbacks you might experience on the way. Of course you can always find a great match on the way and not only once you reached the "goal". And luckily there's not only one dream girl out there but a lot of girls that could potentially make a good companion for you :)
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2018
    Mendoza likes this.
  12. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    Gotta agree with Fry2 here. Careful with how you envision goals because "great love" seems a lot like and end in and of itself, rather than a process, which can start as soon as right now. How about envisioning a process of getting to know a girl with whom you share mutual affinities... without projecting into girlfriend/wife territory? I think seeing it that way also prevents you from becoming attached to the end result, as you care more about cultivating a connection first, before contemplating relationship status.

    Was very intrigued by your low/high energy vibrations post... and about the work needed to raise it. By that you mean putting time to work on a career but also time socializing, meditating, volunteering and so on... right? I've been trying to wrack my brains to figure out why gaming, which led to waste of time, feeling immature and so on... was so tightly linked with P (every game binge eventually led to a P relapse)... in this case, it makes a whole lot of sense because both gaming and P are energy suckers. Are there any books that speak of this "vibrational energy"... I would love to know more.
  13. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    The vibration stuff is meant more in spiritual sense. You can google vibration emotions chart. When in P land our emotional vibration level sinks.

    Layers of cake. Clean up one layer and a whole new level of shit is revealed.

    I thought I had figured it out. Felt pretty proud in the 2 month no P/M/O period. Boom. Still need to clean up some shit.

    Just massive waves of fantasies engulfed me today I ended up relapsing.

    The fantasy is all “femdom”. Girl beating me up and stuff like that. I am like WTF dude? Seriously WTF?!?

    I hope I’ve boiled it down to the root cause. My sense of self worth, self esteem and self love are pretty fucked up. I feel like I am not worthy of love, normal life, nice girl. This is messed up.

    Messed up. Like I see a cute waitress and the fantasy that I got is her beating me up? Messed up big time. I feel like I am not worthy of her. Totally emasculated. I guess I could digg in my childhood. But I don’t believe you need to fix the past in order to fix the present. But fix the present self.

    I just asked myself. If I would love and accept myself would I watch P? The answer is absolutely not. 100% not. 0 doubt.

    Wow. The clarity is unbelievable. Some events from the past just popped up automatically.

    I think I know what I have to do. As corny and vomit inducing, new age bullshitty as it sounds. I need to work on self love and acceptance.

    Will post again in a month or soo.

    Take care. We are on this road. Just need to keep on going. When in hell keep on going.
  14. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Sorry to read about your relapse NoDestination. Still, a 2 month no PMO is very good recovery. The days of nofap vs relapse are 60 to 1. That's a lot.

    I recognize the femdom thing, some parts of it appeal to me to. I like to think the roots stem from somewhere in our childhoods. My mother was always a big influence, always had her opinion ready. Meanwhile my dad was more silent, my mother did the finances for example. It's not the best example of masculinity vs femininity I guess. Can you relate to your childhood in some way? Femdom isn't a necessity for me to have sex, so it's not really hindering me. And I guess everyone has some form of fetish to enjoy.

    About the relapse, were there any triggering events or escalating dopamine spikes the days leading up the relapse?

    Best of luck in your next month.
  15. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    Getting over pmo is ultimately about becoming a completely different person. I think a lot of us single guys make the mistake of thinking that one day "the one" will walk in to our lives and things will immediately work out. That the "right" woman is your reward for going through a successful reboot, when in reality a relationship is a whole other challenge in itself. Don't get me wrong, when you clean up your act a woman is bound to come along and notice a "new" you, just remember becoming the best version of "you" you can be is the true goal and that your soulmate and ultimately any success will come attached to it.

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