Becoming a complete human being

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by NoDestination, Oct 1, 2016.

  1. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Day 1

    Thanks guys. Yeah. I see it clearly now. I somehow convinced myself that this one man army/lone wolf is the way to go. It is not.

    I guess I will keep on relapsing until I get all of my shit together. My social life is practically non-existant. Never thought it is such a problem. Next week I move back to the big city. Lots of people and lots of interest groups. I'll join a few.
     
  2. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Yeah you really should put time and effort in building a rich social network. That will help you on so many fronts. It covers your need for social interaction, wool provide distraction from staying home and relapsing and you are likely to meet nice women that way.
     
    Londoner likes this.
  3. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Yeah. I see it now. Everything matters. There is no magic bullet for P. Having a "complete" life is. I need to deal with root causes.

    I need to up my enthusiasm. When I have more enthusiasm for watching P than quitting P there is something wrong.

    I upped my enthusiasm for becoming a complete human being.
    This is the point for me I need to become a complete human being not some lone wolf. Everything matters.

    I need a framework to evaluate the completeness of my life. In essence there is

    1. what I do with my mind
    2. what I do with my heart
    3. what I do with my body
    4. the balance of mind, heart, body with connection to the universe.

    My heart is screaming I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE! Get a good girl or if not get at least some friends! Stop being alone all the time!
    My body is screaming DON'T SIT ALL DAY! Fuck, man. Enough is enough! Sitting is killing your body. MOVE!
    My mind is saying I have enough thinking. Go to a beach and think about nothing. Put the brain offline.

    Reminds me of something my QiGong instructor said. I am paraphrasing. Due to lifestyle some of the bodies natural warning sensors get disabled. With practice the sensors start working again. I feel like there is a control panel and everything is flashing with red.

    I have a lot of work to do! A lot! My first focus should be social life. After work I need to socialize. I'll start slow. Something simple. Catch up on some people I used to hang out with while at the university. See what they are up to. Join a few classes here and there.
     
  4. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    A friend came to some coffee. He has a wife and kid. When he left I felt a bit empty. Just reminded me of how I have 0 intimacy in my life. Strong urges. But I know why they are here. P will not make my problems better just worse. But P is a symptom not a root cause.

    Went to a birthday party of a buddy who turned 30. Like I expected, lots of couples and no single ladies. Found it hard to make group conversation. Where you sit at a table and there is usually one guy who is the story teller and other add in. I had nothing to add. Not my crowd. But it was good to get out of the house.

    When I went to the martial arts retreat and the qigong retreat I found it much easier to talk to people and do the group conversation thing. I guess much more my crowd thing. I guess it is both important to be with people and at the same time with people suitable for you.

    Man, I hate going to work tomorrow. The money is good. I sure could use 1 or 2 months extra salary. Money always helps. Will see. I move to the new apartment tomorrow. Will see how it goes.
     
  5. Hello Penis My Old Friend

    Hello Penis My Old Friend Well-Known Member

    What size town or city do you live in?

    It's nice to have contact with people who've known you your whole life, but there's nothing wrong with spreading your wings and finding your own niche either.
     
  6. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Maybe something like 20K now. Moving to something like 400K.

    Cought something at the party. Diarrhoea the whole day. Wasted the whole day. Super tired and on edge of a cold. Just great.

    Browsed a bit of P. But it doesn't really turn me on. I am disillusioned. I just stopped browsing and closed the shit. Autopilot is strong.
     
  7. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Urges. So far the single best thing about mindfulness is the fact I interrupt myself when an urge hits me.

    Urge. Now what? I played a song that reminded me of a moment I shared with one guy in Greece. We were sitting on the staircase and sharing some life stories and this song was playing in the background. Enough to remind me that I am not alone.
     
    Londoner likes this.
  8. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Progress.

    Urges. But I interrupted myself. Thank you mindfulness. This is super useful. I used every trick in my book to not let get caught up in the urges. What helps the most is realize the power of P is in the promise. It promises to make me the ultimate winner. Unlimited women, unlimited pleasure. But I know, it is only for a short moment. Then I am left with even bigger hole in my life. I don't want to be the ultimate winner for a short time. I want to be a complete human being. Live a happy life. Make a difference in my life and the lives of others. I have a lot of work to do.

    But the pleasure is real. I cannot deny. PMOing feels great. But at what cost? If it is such a great thing, why do I always feel like shit after doing it? It feels great because it is like self fulfilling prophesy. Just like with smoking. Smokers look so lame. Again I imagine it feels so good because nicotine installed a need that you don't need and fulfilling this need you are rewarded by brains natural reward system which feels good. But the need in the first place is artificial. Just like with P. The need of PMO and the fulfilment is artificial. Fuck P, Fuck PMO. Real life FTW!
     
  9. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Relapse. Fuck it.

    Just had to attend the birthday party of my best friend. We go way back. A lot of people came. All of them were couples most with kids. Really rubs the salt in the wound. Some asked where are my kids. Oh, the joy. Would have made it fine. If not for lack of sleep and super tired from work. I usually sleep till 11.00 am on Saturday to recover from work. I hate sitting all day.

    I am working on plan. That 3 week vacation was awesome but it only made a dent. I need 3 month vacation to make a difference. I'll go plan now and book some airplane tickets.
     
    Thebeg likes this.
  10. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Is that really a wound for you, that you don't have kids yet? If things were up to you, would you have a family at this point in time?

    Personally I really don't mind the fact that I don't have kids yet, I never had this strong urge so far. Most people follow the standard flow and have kids in their 30s, so the question really doesn't bother me.

    Just curious.
     
  11. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Yeah, I don't mind kids either. Just really start to mind being alone. I'd like to have someone special in my life. And it looked like everyone knew each other and had something to say (it is not true but it looks that way).

    I cannot believe it. I move to my new AirBnB apartment. And the guy is an amateur photographer who casually does old school darkroom photography creation in the bathroom. Lots of chemicals. Lots of very dangerous chemicals that sit in the fridge. I don't think it is just mind stuff. But I got a pretty big headache and my throat hurts. I don't think he did the job right. Maybe I am just very sensitive to smell and he is used to this shit. Getting really tired of this eastern european improvisation. Slept terrible waking up in the middle of the night for the past few nights. Fuck this shit. I am outta here. Back at my parents house. Lol. The irony.

    But there is a good thing. Always Yang in the Yin. I planned to spend 3 months in the apartment and go to work still. While each day at work my heart-mind is screaming: STOP SITTING. GET THE FUCK OUT! NATURE, PEOPLE, MEDITATION, make it HAPPEN NOW!

    I'll talk to my boss and figure the shortest date I am going be outta work. Then I'll find a good retreat center and go there. I found some very affordable buddhist retreat centers in Europe. ~1000 EUR per month with bed and 3 meals per day. Pretty good. All the wellness centers are around ~4000 EUR per month with bed and food. Out of my league. I expect to work 4 more weeks then ~2 months retreats in Europe then CHINA!

    Always trust your gut. Always!
     
  12. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel about kids. I'm not in a rush to have them (though definitely want some in the future) but seeing everyone else with them - who then raise the subject! - just rubs salt into the wound of being single.
     
  13. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    I've fallen off the bandwagon a bit. No binge. Just relapses here and there. My China trip is coming together. I've booked a place where I will be staying. Now I just need visa, book the airplane tickets and get vaccinated.

    I am doing some Googling around for sexual energy and stuff. Came across this

    http://www.focusonthefamily.com/mar...-husbands-sexual-needs/sex-is-a-physical-need

    makes a lot of sense. Love how succinct the explanations are. I've also been thinking why women in general have less problems with P than men.

    In energy medicine/energy anatomy women's sexuality is a lot more integrated than men's. Women's sexual energy naturally goes up in the body to the middle dantian (the emotional/love center) while for us men, the sexual energy just shoots out. It is not integrated. This goes in line why it is written that for women sex + emotions are connected. But for men sex and emotions are separate.

    I've experimented with

    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/tools-solo-energy-practices

    but I've failed each time. Either the sexual energy would increase and relapse or I'd feel strange the whole day like I missed something in the exercise. I think I understand now what went wrong. I'll try something different next time the urges hit.
     
  14. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Time I get back on the bandwagon.

     
  15. TheScriabin

    TheScriabin Well-Known Member

    [​IMG]
    Have a wonderful time in China buddy. When are you going?
     
  16. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Late November. Still a long way.

    I need to stop with the job before that. It is the bottle neck. Pure mechanics. I came from work totally exhausted from all the sitting. Hard to change anything this way. I have enough sitting.
     
    Thebeg likes this.
  17. TheLongWalk

    TheLongWalk Guest

    Hey man, how are you holding up?
     
  18. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Hey, guys.

    I experimented a bit with energy healing. I think it did something. The past few days are pretty insane. I feel like jet lagged all the time. I can't get up in the morning. I feel like sleeping all the time. Morning feels like evening, evening feels like morning. I can't concentrate. I just want to sleep. Zombie mode 3000.

    But the good thing is that the triggers feel like they are gone. Different from flat line. Since in flat line I always felt like the triggers are just lurking in the background. Like all the horniness and triggers are just a bit toned down. Like putting down the volume down on TV. Now I feel like they are physically gone. I can see trough the bullshit of P right away. I don't even feel tempted to peek.

    I don't know. Will see. But this is the most insane brain fog I've ever had. Like nothing even comes close to this.

     
    Londoner likes this.
  19. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Had an awesome 9 day pure day streak. A bunch of external factors and a wet dream totally fucked up my rhythm.

    The wet dream totally surprised me. As I don't really remember having them after teenage years. I felt just insanely horny after waking up in the middle of the wet dream. It totally surprised me. I am also surprised at the accuracy of the images in the dreams. Like replaying P scenes I saw on the screen. This never happened before. There was just a bunch of precum. Then the day was just a massive fuck up. A shit storm of hormones and 3 PMOs.

    What did I expect after a decade or more of daily conditioning. I cannot believe I used to PMO daily! Fuck, daily!

    Will write some more later.
     
  20. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Took a long walk around a lake. Been thinking about life philosophy.

    Been thinking about all the ease of living we have right now. Googled for fat animals in zoo. Did not disappoint.

    https://www.thedodo.com/fat-obese-tigers-china-2253504084.html


    Everything is becoming at the click of a button. Soon with the VR I think there will be no need to travel. Want to see the Eiffel tower. Click a few buttons and there you go VR experience.

    Been thinking. Do we really need conflict to become a better version of ourselves? When survival is not at stake we get complacent. Just like the fat tiger. When it doesn't need to hunt it gets fat and out of shape. The same with us. When we have sitting jobs there is no reason to exercise. With the advancements in healthcare we also slack in eating healthy.

    If we lived in a society where everybody would have infinite money on bank account. Would we get lazy and fat? When there is no drive to get the money. Maybe such is the nature of biological things. Just like species of animals die because they didn't adapt. A stronger predator came it killed them. Survival of the fittest. Reminds me of

    But if the Lion and Gazelle are fed by a magic wand would they get fat and lazy? I think they will. No point in running anyway?

    Maybe inspiration is the key. Need to be inspired by something. Like Steve Jobs. A man with inspiration.
     
    titan_transcendence likes this.

Share This Page