Beating this through proactivity [group]: one spot left

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by High_Achiever, Aug 6, 2013.

  1. High_Achiever

    High_Achiever New Member

    My name is H_A and I would consider myself a recovering porn addict. The reason why I’ve chosen this nickname is because I always felt that I was a smart, ambitious person and that it’s also the person that I want to focus myself on becoming (so no it’s not because of narcissism that I’ve chosen this nickname:D).

    Off course years of porn addiction have made me doubt my ability to be smart, live life and wonder who I am. This group reflects my and other people’s search for this truth. I’ll be working mostly with the lessons from recovery nation, so it would be great if you follow that program as well.

    With this group I want to create a safe place for people so that we can give each other support. Personally I’m not really a fan of journaling since I find it to be too impersonal. Therefore I’m willing to engage in weekly or 2-weekly skype meetings. That way, we can really have some form of human contact and we can really share with each other our burdens and our doubts. If you’ve ever felt that other people have difficulty relating to you when it comes to this stuff, then you’ll know the value of being understood.

    I’ve been at this forum for quite some time, but it has only been after I started tackling my life proactively, that I started to see results. I’m still not 100% cured of this addiction, but my mood has already been more stable and my shift in attitude has already been night and day. Which has also been confirmed by my parents.


    Off course, no group without some rules which are the following:


    1) We keep a focus on beating this proactively. It’s okay to complain that this stuff is difficult, but we want to keep the focus on improving our life’s as much as possible.

    2) If you relapse it’s okay. I really don’t want to create a climate where people beat themselves up for relapsing. You know there are so many variables involved in a relapse: did you watched the same stuff? How long did it lasted? How difficult was the chaser? Etc. That I feel it really hurts guys to be so negative about this.

    3) We’re a supportive community and we act that way, it’s not a competition. At the end of the day the goal is that you are happy with your life. This should always remain our focus and not impressing somebody else.


    I’m more interested in keeping the group small and create a community that’s strongly tied together instead of creating a large group which consists of several smaller groups. Therefore I decided to keep the maximum number at 5.

    Off course suggestions are always welcome, but if you recognize yourself in the need for emotional support or if you’ve ever been dying to get something off your chest but couldn’t, then feel free to join this group.
     
  2. High_Achiever

    High_Achiever New Member

    Re: Beating this through proactivity [5 spots left]

    members so far are:

    1) myself
    2) r1111
    3) Adamant
    4) The Braniac
    5) Danhibiki
     
  3. High_Achiever

    High_Achiever New Member

    Re: Beating this through proactivity [5 spots left]

    Thanks!

    I live in Belgium, so my timezone is GMT+2 (summertime).

    So far I havn't really decided on a date for these skype meetings. I was thinking perhaps Sunday? Off course other members can give their suggestions as well!

    So would you be interested in joining?

    If we would hold Skype meetings it would probably be best that we have some kind of structure to follow during our meetings so that the most important things are already being discussed. Afterwards we can always have a "free" chat or so.

    LoL, so far the feedback is quite amazing.

    If you would joing, we would be with 4 members! I'd rather keep it small though :)
     
  4. High_Achiever

    High_Achiever New Member

    Re: Beating this through proactivity [3 spots left]

    Awesome!
     
  5. High_Achiever

    High_Achiever New Member

    Re: Beating this through proactivity [2 spots left]

    Could people give date's on when Skype sessions would work best for them?

    I would suggest sundays for me.
     
  6. r1111

    r1111 Guest

    Re: Beating this through proactivity [2 spots left]

    I'm in but since I live with my parents any skype session will have to through text chatting (that's the irony, I am scared to video chat but I feel fine about masturbating when they are home)
     
  7. High_Achiever

    High_Achiever New Member

    Re: Beating this through proactivity [2 spots left]

    @r111, that sucks. Yeah I've been thinking about this as well, since Skype can be quite noissy. Anytime when you parents are out of the house? Mine know about my issue, so it's probably a bit different. But I do feel that we can work something out.

    I would like you guy's opinion on some stuff:

    1) Do you guys feel that Skype would be a good medium of exchange or would you guys prefer typing things out? If we would choose Skype I do feel that we would need to have some kind of structure to our meetings, else it's going to be 5 people speaking randomly at each other.

    2) If we would choose Skype, would we hold a meeting every two weeks? Or this too much for some?

    3) What structure would we use: I would suggest a short introduction of 5 minutes per member (4) (20 m) followed by a discussion of our central topic. Here we could allow each member to talk 10 minutes and then afterwards other people can comment (f.e. 10 minute talk + 5 minute comment)?

    I think our meetings will probably last 1 - 1h30.

    4) It's best if we knew upfront what to talk about. This could be f.e. a recovery nation lesson that you may want to share or perhaps just getting to know each other.

    I'm off course just suggesting stuff, since I'm new to this as well. Could you guys share what you feel about this? Do you agree with it or not? Do you feel you have a better idea. If so, please share!

    GMT:

    Mine is GMT+2
    Connoisseur of Lotions has Pacific standard time. He felt that anywhere on sundays between 3 p.m. and midnight (Belgium time!!) would be fine for him.

    GMT for the other members?

    This GMT thing is confusing haha, I'm going to have to read some stuff about this :D

    Right now I'm going to make sure that I have a Skype account, I had one, but I deleted it. If you guys could send me you're skype accounts (preferably make a seperate one for this forum), that would be nice as well.
     
  8. adamant

    adamant A dedicated awesomist

    Re: Beating this through proactivity [2 spots left]

    Hey there, I'm in...

    First, to answer your questions...

    1. Skype can be a bit tasking on bandwidth, what about teamspeak? I can set up a password protected server at a given time when we would meet up and then shut it down. That way we don't have to worry about privacy or creating a dedicated skype account.

    2. Once every two weeks is ok by me. But there will be problems about what time will suit everyone, so it might get a bit rarer than that.

    3. & 4. I would keep introductions to a minimum, and a generally free structure about a general theme we would agree on the forum or over pm.

    I'm GMT +1 and I don't think that I'll always be able to talk because I have extremely nosy family and little to no privacy.
     
  9. High_Achiever

    High_Achiever New Member

    Re: Beating this through proactivity [2 spots left]

    Some suggestions from Loro

    I suggested this format for the your brain rebalanced phone conference and it worked quite well:

    1. Someone leads the meeting, says a few words about talking guidelines (not interrupting each other, not giving direct advice, not criticizing, being supportive etc.) and sets the right frame, like "I'm glad everyone is here and is willing to share. great!". you can also start with a prayer if the group is up for that.
    2. introduction round: first meeting everyone can take 2 minutes to explain their background with their addiction, from then on it's only supposed to be 2-3 sentences like "hi, my name is __ and today I am feeling ___. I have been sober for ___ days. I want to stop watching porn, but masturbation is fine" or something like that. The leader can be the model for the structure. also point out that nobody has to introduce themselves if they dont want to, or they can just state their name.
    3. topic of the day: something someone has read on the forum that seemed interesting to them, an insight they've had, etc. or a predetermined topic. I have to say I've only done this with 2 other people in a call and it worked, but whenever there's more people on a call, it's really difficult to have a discussion and still have some order.
    4. sharing: everyone gets 3-5 minutes to share what's going on with them, how their week was etc. In my experience, this is the most important part and should be the focus of every recovery group as I think there's enough debating and discussing going on, but too little sharing your feelings and struggles to people who understand and don't judge you.
    5. action commitment for the day or week: something someone commits in front of the group to do today or until the next meeting
    6. maybe a nice closing statement that gives everyone hope and encouragement.

    In general, I think you've allotted too much time. The meetings I've gone to had share times of 2-5 minutes per member, and honestly, after 3 minutes I've sometimes become bored with some members. Similarly, most meetings take an hour at most, and again in my experience after 30-40 minutes I lose a lot of concentration. So 10 minutes per member for the discussion is too long in my view.

    Maybe you can use some of these ideas. good luck.




    I definetly feel he has some good points.

    @Adamant, I already created a SKype group, but I don't mind deleting it again. What's that teamspeak? It sounds gamish :D.

    I can't wait for the rome total war 2 to come out again!

    Off to the gym now !
     
  10. High_Achiever

    High_Achiever New Member

    Re: Beating this through proactivity [2 spots left]

    If skype isn't possible we can always type off course and arrange one later on, or someone can just say "I would like to talk to someone" and people can then arrange a meeting when it suits them.

    What I like the most from Loro's suggestions are the message before the meetings begins "we don't judge etc" and the action commitment afterwards.

    I'm just suggesting different stuff to see what would work out best for us.
     
  11. thebraniac

    thebraniac Just don't do it

    Re: Beating this through proactivity [2 spots left]

    The title says there are still 2 spots left, so I'd like to throw my hat in the ring so to speak. I have never talked to anyone about my addiction so I think this will do me wonders. Skype or anything else would work for me.
     
  12. High_Achiever

    High_Achiever New Member

    Re: Beating this through proactivity [2 spots left]

    No problem!

    Feel free to join us!

    At the moment I feel the suggestions from Loro are the best for us.
     
  13. High_Achiever

    High_Achiever New Member

    Re: Beating this through proactivity [2 spots left]

    Is there anybody here who's doing the recovery nation lessons?
     
  14. thebraniac

    thebraniac Just don't do it

    Re: Beating this through proactivity [2 spots left]


    Thanks! Who is Loro? I don't see him in the posts above? Looking forward to this!
     
  15. High_Achiever

    High_Achiever New Member

    Re: Beating this through proactivity [2 spots left]

    Loro was just a friendly dude who emailed me these suggestions ;D

    What's you're GMT?

    This is important for other members as well if we want to organise something solid.

    In the meantime feel free to give as many suggestions as you want!
     
  16. thebraniac

    thebraniac Just don't do it

    Re: Beating this through proactivity [1 spots left]

    I'm in Edmonton, Canada so this is Mountain Daylight Time GMT -6 hours. The time now is 13:08 hrs or 1:08 PM.
     
  17. r1111

    r1111 Guest

    Re: Beating this through proactivity [1 spots left]

    Ok you know how some people have an emergency contact person when they want to relapse. How about that but on skype if anyone from the group is online (call or text)?

    Good idea?
     
  18. High_Achiever

    High_Achiever New Member

    Re: Beating this through proactivity [1 spots left]

    Could you describe how we would have to make use of this? I'm not really that good with technology, do you call in through Skype?

    That definelty sounds great, I'm definetly up for such a thing, but maybe we should see how this group thing works out. Who knows maybe we won't continue with it? This is all a guess though, but it could be a possibility.
     
  19. High_Achiever

    High_Achiever New Member

    Re: Beating this through proactivity [1 spots left]

    Sorry man I've been a bit bussy lately. Working on my resume, stuff like that.

    I'd suggest meeting up the 18 th of august with the purpose of getting to know each other a little bit.

    I do suggest that we follow Loro's guidelines (see above).

    My GMT is GMT +2 (summertime). I would suggest we meet up at 6 p.m.?

    Is this possibly for everyone? I know that it's possible for Connaisseur, but I'm not so sure about the others?

    Sorry for being a bit absent, life got the best of me ;D
     
  20. DanHibiki

    DanHibiki Member

    Re: Beating this through proactivity [1 spots left]

    Hi guys, your post up there says that 1 spot left, is it true? And another question, is the main focus of this group to beat pmo addiction? I'm kinda past the "beginner" stage, but would've want to improve my life in other areas.
     

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