BDSM play partner after reboot and acting out on fantasies.

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Conflicted, Jan 15, 2019.

  1. Conflicted

    Conflicted New Member

    Hey all,

    I should note there are possible triggers in the text.

    So I've been a lurker on these forums for years... I've been off and on recovering from porn addiction for much longer. It's often been at my best moments that a relapse has sprung from the shadows, and I fall back into heavy brain fog, PIED and misery. Like many, my tastes escalated and I found myself looking at things I didn't expect to look at. Somewhere along the line I developed a strong fantasy for being a submissive partner to a man (for oral) and I acted out on this fantasy several times - despite having never been sexually attracted to any males before. Unlike most though, this change in sexual taste hasn't been entirely unwelcome and I found myself enjoying the time spent with the dominant. Here's where my question takes form. I would like to keep meeting with this play partner, but can't tell if this is hindering my recovery or may even be just as bad as watching porn, since it feels very stimulating (in that porn way) when I meet up with him, and is a fantasy that stems from the porn I watched. On the other hand, I've always been into BDSM and this is a part of my sexuality I would like to explore further. Similar kink related activities may arise in a different relationship and I'm unsure how to feel about this as well.

    Has anyone here been in a similar situation regarding kink-play or acting out on fantasies? Would love to hear people's opinions because I've been back and forth on this for ages.

    Hope everyone is doing well and holding up with their reboots. We'll get there in the end.
     
  2. kenshiro

    kenshiro New Member

    Hey man,

    your situation is similar to mine for some extent.
    When you say “found myself looking at things I didn’t expect to look at” I can definitely relate.

    What is different in my case, is that when I had the real experience, it was always not very satisfying.
    In the end I always found that regarding “escalated tastes” the fantasy was always better than reality.

    I wish I had a final answer but I don’t.
    In my case I don’t think I would have been attracted to BDSM if there wasn’t porn on the internet.
    So, in my journey to recovery, I try not to indulge in those fantasy nor in those realities.

    On the other hand, if you say that you enjoy very much those encounters, and are done in a safe and consensual way, maybe you can keep exploring... but keep yourself outside of the internet.

    In the end, for me the direction is given by the feeling I have when the sexual interactions is finished.
    Do I feel joy? Do I feel enriched? Or do I feel not really happy and quickly craving for more?
     
    spoofy likes this.

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