bad case, going for 90days and forever

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by jack91, Sep 23, 2014.

  1. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    Dejavu. Just like 10years ago. Stargate, junk and ejaculating up to 5times a day. Where is the grip??!?
     
  2. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Hi Jack, sorry to read that you are struggling. Is porn involved in the picture or are you just MOing?

    I don't want to push you into anything, but have you ever seriously considered going to a sex related 12 step group? I remember you saying a while ago that you use to go to NA. I have found this to be an incredibly positive force in my life, and I have seen some really hard cases get some serious long term sobriety from their involvement with SA or SAA.
     
  3. Ereignis

    Ereignis Active Member

    As someone who has struggled and failed too many times to count over multiple years, scanning over journals like this is hard to read. It's a dark place. I can't offer any specific advice because everyone has their own particular circumstances, but if you are tempted to believe that your track record has proved that you can never beat this habit for good, I would recommend checking out my journal as an example of someone who has done everything wrong for years on end and is finally starting to "make it" in terms of recovery.
     
  4. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    Yeah. Life just sits still while i handle this. i am so angry that i havent till now. what was wrong with me. only thing i needed to do was this nofap and i could not manage it. fucking sad- but now i think things are different. now i will succeed. so many of us have long abstience, my old friends, people i have watched from get to go. its a fluke that i am not in that train which will now end. i am strong person. strong enough to win stupid game like this.

    i will be sober from now on. i swear it. i have been for many weeks right now.

    at somepoint something just clicks. circumstances and state of mind and bangggg you know this time i truly make it. i must and i truly really really really want to.
     
  5. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    I feel lethargic like i am 250pounds which i almost are for real. I have little of an hard times to go through, lethargic and stressful but its all right. I just put the nofap above all else, after a while i will start sports again, when it feels okay.

    I am on the streak.
     
  6. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    Jeesus christ i have had sorryass years to live. unbelievable. cant believe i have my sanity still. cant literally believe it lol.
    well i least now live 2/10 lifequality. its not 1/10 anymore so huge like 100%upwards lol.
    Like someone said the depths of suffering are something you never knew existed.
     
  7. Ereignis

    Ereignis Active Member

    How is your physical health? Do you eat healthy, exercise, get decent sleep, etc.? Taking care of our health is only one of a few things that contributes in a major way to successful streaks, but, to me, it feels like the most predictable and easily controlled variable.
     
  8. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    5 years before now been an unwanted acid trip, not necessarily bad just not wanted. I have had lots of cool epiphany's but most of all i wanna be sober and talkative. I have wasted 5 years of my entire life. Not an easy thing to accept, think about it 5 years almost tenth of my entire life for stupid mistake. I wasted these years for going about recovery the wrong way and i have wasted better results. I could be loads better by now but in truth look around here just few have made years long streaks, i should not curse wasted years rather i should be glad about years i have ahead.

    one thing i kinda stress about and it is am i still young i just wasted another 5 years of my life. Also im one month sober from MO/TV and level of stress is insane, it kinda explains why i have been so withdrawn all this time. I have had this much slowdown. Its time to deal with this Shit once and for all.

    I think its allright. Im not fat or anything and at better periods ill exercize a lot.
     
  9. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    its just about five years since i first posted to this thread/forum. i tackled porn/benzos/drugs/everything back then now five years later, 4 years hospitalized i am ready to start round two. Now i just struggle the MO and television, it is not as bad but here i come like angry combatanant that goes through any obstacle.

    These stresses are fun reminder what life was 5 years a go. This is not as bad. I hopefully regain better life doing this. Im certain tv and masturbation are last of my job out of addiction shitpile i had majored for myself.
     

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