bad case, going for 90days and forever

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by jack91, Sep 23, 2014.

  1. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    It started with sexchats and escalated from there. I kept my guard low i quess., but live and learn. Never rockbottom thats my advice! Mistakes are to be expected its sadly natural for common man. This is bad habit to win.. You win eventually if you have good mindset and determination!
     
  2. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    You seem stoical about it which is a positive thing. In my experience, we have to be vigilant with anything that is sexual in case the addiction takes over. We have warm weather in Britain today and that means women are wearing less. I managed to resist temptation to ogle but it was difficult. The cravings to go looking for porn were not far behind.

    Its good to see you back on your feet
     
  3. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    yeah i quess im pretty stoical. Its just that i have taken so many hits that its barely human experience anymore.. I quess its going to be like this for a while, and furthermore i have found spiritual sense of peace in all this.. i dont want to sound like a douche, saying of course its me who suffers the worst, but im so used to this. It does not hurt anymore. ´Good luck handling the hot under dressed girls, i have found summertime problematic for that very reason. We just must be really absolute about this nofap, if you truly want to be sober those cleveages don't really impact you... Good to see you on your feats too!
     
  4. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    That's a good thing albeit in a sad way. I reckon that you have recovered from most of the damage that this addiction has done to your brain during your initial run. Providing that you are no longer relapsing on a regular basis, I don't think that this will have been reversed.

    I am learning from my journey that mental health is a complex thing. There are many potential causes. Fundamentally, the medical establishment doesn't always have the answers. I think that it is too closed to new ideas. I have faith that by conducting our own investigations we can improve our lives for the better. In my case, I would be highly surprised if my symptoms disappeared and it turned out that I have just been in a long flat line for so long. I sense that there is something else at work and maybe it is the case for you too. It can't be doubted that I have made progress with my anxiety and depression by introducing lifestyle changes, but I haven't solved the whole puzzle yet.
     
  5. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    Sorry freedom to not get back at you. Its just that long msg's are hard to type with my phone. I am having lots of sexual thoughts. I hate this tho, allways deny what i want. I distract myself with smth.
     
  6. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    with saddness of heart i must inform everyone that i havent been as solid moderator, nor a man lately, there have been sessions and weakness considering this no masturbation way of life! i vowed back then that i have to stop this brain plague once and for all but at the same time i had problems with drugs and ate ssri for eight year. I was in deep shit and roaming free from it took all of i had, i dont use drugs anymore, living completely clean lifestyle. I must say the change of lifestyle was hardest thing there is, cant imagine much harder projects that you can survive and succeed but i did somehow, no more drugs or anything!! masturbation was the true enemy. Its something i crave to drop, each moment i want to find freedom of it, i risk everything my mental health and life to stop it. I go through whatever to stop it. For now however my words dont sustain my strength to stop it, my will is not enough, i took too big of an torment while dropping the drugs. I cant stop masturbation completely at this point, i keep it in my mind that it must be stopped at some point. I dont plan to forget it forever, just for now.

    I have successfully stopped porn, i dont have pied, i look clean and brain works alright going for better. Its true that porn was true enemy and many just want to drop it, and do not mind masturbation if it doesnt come with too much negative effects. I dont have so much effects from masturbation, if any... but again i did read about what religions say of it, its been denied by every religion, not as a worst of sin but told to stop because its pointless, your body is safer without it, you crave life more, you can create more of good life for yourself, you can be a better partner and journey just seems and feels better without it! I managed to change drug seeking, stealing, dork of an loser, completely wain and even retarted existence upside down, from opioid, benzo (dozens of drugs) from medications from porn to just regular masturbator. I dislike the word common, always aiming to surpass it but for now i let myself have some vacation, i for now masturbate.. Going to stop it soon as i can, this is somesort of milestone or success i think, pied is gone but there is much work to be done to becoming man i want to be!
     
  7. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    Here with my phone. Grammar is hard to handle with this(pretty old nokia). I have sifted the addiction the porn is over. But i cant stop masturbation completely. Too hard. I am trying to mo once per two weeks and failing miserably, fapping far more than that. Not to porn tough. Im hoping recovering can happen anyway, that my brain can handle little mo. It supposed to be harmless, right? I think it is harmless as ginger beer, or like 2.7% beer .. As i do not use anything else strain is minimal. Necessary evil in journey for utter peace.
     
  8. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    Hey everyone! (phone again, always really) since 9months but i had something fun to tell you! I am proud to say pied is no more, sex feels better and i can have solid boners of reg 2-4min to even mindblowing 20minutes! I am physically fit !! So my thread can be gloomy read but i am going upwards! I dwell on psychological side of this but in a physical side i have complete success, no more problems ! :*)
     
  9. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Great to here, Jack. :) It just goes to show that we are making progress, even if it does feel like sometimes that we are not. It is a struggle worth fighting for.
     
  10. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    Yeah at times i forgot why i fight but its important to fight anyway. That is who i am
     
    chrism likes this.
  11. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    Hey Jack, iv been reading your journal for a while, and it’s great to hear that you are making progress!

    Nice man!
     
  12. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    Hey. I have +month streak going. The lion and aussie got me going with their amazing streaks and copied pictures of Gandhi to my wall to honor some sazzy absolutist from last centurie. Gandhi always spoke that we must love each other, forgot hate and forgive but goddamnit i cant. I am hater and unsatisfied of how things are. Gandhi has purifying effect on me, for sure. Still, i am mad and angry that i dont have a love nor girls in my life! I have them around but they do not even respect me. Gandhi, tho. Watching/reading his going inspired to get me in to nofap once again. I am in good streak but been feeling dark and worst of all stoical about all things. I have suffered greatly, i am kind of person who wants to show it rather than be emotionless, stoical ghost of an man. I WANT MY LIFE BACK!
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2018
  13. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    Relapse 3 times. I cant believe that i dont go nuts. I should. This noMO confidence maddness is nuts. All this SHIT is so confusing. 3 relapses, bit of dp/dr. My life today is fucking mad.. Been for a while. Better just play videogames and pray i can start new streak. That way my mind least believe im going somewhere.
     
  14. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Hi Jack, is this a porn relapse or just an MO? If it is just the latter, it is no way near as bad as you think so long as you don't masturbate to fantasy. If its the former, you still have over 2 years of recovery to fall back on. That healing progress isn't reversed with just a few mistakes. Be kind to yourself :)
     
  15. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    yeah not to porn. Been porn free least six months ! Mo relapses are "harmless" they even feel good, nothing like pmo cycle use to be. I even watched myself from a mirror today after my session and thought "what a hansom fuck" haha. Nothing like the lost loser from pmo days. Odd but true. Porn twisted my body, odor and even the way i cloth myself. That said. I think mo is harmfull too in greatly dimishd way. In spiritual way. I dropd tobacco for example. I want a complete sober adult life to experience most of my future and to what my body still can give me.
     
  16. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    Having much urges. Its been good Choice to trash my iphone and computer /internet in general. I cant watch porn! No way to see it! So its easy to battle most times. But still i sorta "use" porn in my mind. Think porn and drift off. Thats why this is hardest addiction to beat. You dont need a stringe or even your hands to use it. You must win this in another level. To truly beat masturbation addiction you must win long sobriety from all things addictive. You must normalize your brain and then teach it to work without sex. Only then you can have truly meaningful sex and bonds.
     
  17. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    Some own thoughts that i find uplifting and interesting. Probably only one tho haha. So, i have been through a lot, very painfull recovery and strong sense of "mattress yanked under your feets, and i fall" saying we have in finland. That said i have been sober from drugs, meds and tobacco for 3 years in hope my brain reboots.! And my post is rather silly way of pointing my prog. Gaming. Been playing a lot and between people who play a lot and invest time in gaming i belong to 25% of best skilled players. 3/4 cant compete in general. So far as gaming goes im pretty well of! That can give image that i have good potential in me. I am not fully ruined. To clarify i sorta keep this gaming experiment as a sign of my cognitive gifts between other people. Im glad with the results. Enough. More cant be expected. Now to figure out how to put that cognitive capacity in best possible use in real world!
     
  18. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    Cant stop masturbation, least i dont jack off to porn. I just kinda gave up being special, that i will do this immense stunt that no one else can. I cant stop masturbation and yet i must. Just wondering how.. god i wish i had accountability buddy or friend that can level with me preferably a woman, they are addicted to porn too, right? . . . but world doesnt seem to work out like fairytale seems that i need to stop somehow without help at all in a world that laughs at our endeavour. This is amazing time and dilemma and not in a good way!
     

Share This Page