Hi Jack, I am sorry to read of your emotional pain. I feel that you may be blaming too much of your emotional suffering on your porn and drug addiction. I think that we are in danger in the Nofap community of attributing too much of the difficulties we find ourselves in life to our addictions so that this becomes a limiting belief and stops us growing in other ways. It is also easy to forget that life is full of obstacles that everybody has to face, addict or not. Don't get pulled in to believing that everybody else is having an easy ride. For example, there are lots of people with social anxiety out there. I know someone who is an incredibly skilled public speaker yet experiences social anxiety. It didn't stop him from growing, he has learnt to live with it and channel its power into living. I understand what you are going through. As a sufferer of anxiety, my mind can persuade itself very easily that it is the victim of an horrendous condition and the intensity of the emotion makes it seem like concrete reality. What treatment are you receiving for your mental health disorders? Are you going out much and meeting new people to develop social confidence? I sometimes notice that I struggle to speak coherently too. What I have noticed is that it varies with my perception of the individual. If I don't know someone that well and the mind perceives them to be a threat, I find it more difficult to socialise with them than with someone who i know well and I know that I am not being judged. I think this really is all about social confidence and self-esteem.