Its not about you to them, its about them you're just a tool and dispensable! Do you think it will be any different this time?
I'm definitely a tool On the plus side I have not resorted to porn to make me feel better but the stirring up of those feelings does make my mind wander to dangerous places. Reading about others experience particularly with flatline is such a lifesaver. You can feel pretty alone with all this so to know others have come out the other side is a real comfort.