Back to try again after two years

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by CJJackson, Dec 20, 2017.

  1. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Still up and down emotionally lately still going strong and feeling confident. Made an appointment to talk to a therapist I feel like that’ll help and I’m tired of being a slave to my own thoughts and mind. Can’t feel sorry for myself anymore I’m the only one that can do this and it’s gotta be for myself. I’ve honestly surprised myself with how far I’ve made it. Hoping there’s light at the end of the tunnel soon. Also if anyone has any links to support groups for this stuff I’m definitely interested. I live in Massachusetts so if anyone knows of any in the area that’d be great!
     
  2. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Just broke again didn’t watch anything to messed up I’m not sure what’s been going on lately it’s like I couldn’t get out of my own head well I went 38 days hard mode I guess I’ll have to try harder and not focus on porn so much it’s just hard because it’s all I can think about
     
  3. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Feeling really anxious and tired still. I know most of this is still all in my head I’m just trying not to obsess and stress my mind so much. I need to move through this and get back to where I was mentally in the beginning. I’m hoping soon enough I can power through it.
     
  4. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Looked at some porn again today but stopped after a few minutes. I’m feeling better about everything now. I’ve come a long way in my almost year journey here. Not making excuses for relapses but I’m not beating myself up if I have a moment of weakness from time to time. We own the reboot not the other way around. Well if I finish off the month clean that would be 87 out of the last 90 days clean can’t beat myself up too much for that just gotta keep on plugging. I’ll finish off 2018 strong and 2019 will be my year!
     
  5. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Member

    Hey, don't beat yourself too much up. Just make sure not to binge. Your progress isn't wasted as long as you don't binge and indulge into P too much. I'm rooting for you, my friend!
     
    CJJackson likes this.
  6. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Thanks Pete I’m rooting for you as well!
     
  7. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Back up one day at a time looking to finish November off clean that’d 87/90 days clean then on to December and beyond!
     
  8. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    You seem to be doing really well, friend. Just be careful with those small peeks at porn, they can put you through a lot of pain. Try to identify the situations that lead you to peek, see if they have anything in common... For me it's always using my PC late at night. I have to make a conscious effort to turn it off sooner or else I end up peeking at porn just to get a quick fix.

    Anyway, keep up the good work!
     
    CJJackson likes this.
  9. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    @CidGuerreiro Thanks man I appreciate your support.

    I’ve been feeling a lot better lately. Just a lot of anxiety and obsessing over things. I’m trying to be at peace with the decision to quit PMO. I know it’s what I want I think I just need to find another outlet. Work and the gym keep me pretty busy just need to have the mental clarity and things will fall into place. Anyway one day at a time and just try and stay calm is all I can do. Good luck to everyone!
     
    Pete McVries likes this.
  10. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Still feeling pretty good. Been reflecting a lot lately on the past year and how I finally committed to giving up P and M. It feels good that I’m not a slave to the addiction anymore. I guess I’ll always have urges at times but I gotta remind myself this is something worth doing and sticking to for life. It’s not that I really wanna go back to porn or anything but for some reason I still have a lot of fear of the unknown. I hope that I’m able to stilly committee to this for life because so far life has been a lot better in the past year.
     
  11. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Well I got bored and once again rationalized looking at porn for 5 minutes. Not beating myself up tho I got up went to the gym and had a great workout and I’m already over it. No binging and back on the horse. I’ve noticed a trend where I’ll go like 5-6 weeks and then watch it one time. Gotta stop being complacent and commit again. It’s been a year and I’m on the right path just can’t give up. I won’t let myself give up. It’ll be worth it in the end!
     
  12. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Struggling with urges lately. Been plagued by intrusive thoughts of porn the last few weeks. I’m trying to be strong and remember why I started but it’s been hell lately. I can’t give in tho I have to get back where I was
     
    CidGuerreiro likes this.
  13. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Get out of the house if you can, hit the gym/exercise to unload the pent up energy... Keep yourself busy at all times too, it'll help to ignore the urges.
     
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  14. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Just relapsed again Idk what the hell is wrong with me lately that’s twice in a week for the first time in months. I’m allowing myself to think getting in this habit is a good idea. Off to the gym now I won’t let the binge continue tho!
     
  15. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    @CidGuerreiro yeah bro gym practically saved me a year ago when I started this journey. Just having issues with my depression and anxiety lately porn was always a way for me to cope with that I uncovered with my therapist. We’ll all we can do is move on after a relapse and get back on the horse we know we’re capable of this or else we wouldn’t be here!
     
  16. Lakaf

    Lakaf Active Member

    CJ Jackson lets have a competition who abstrain from fapping and no porn more.
    Mine is Day 1 and yours is day 13.
     
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  17. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    @Lakaf lets go for it man!
     
  18. Lakaf

    Lakaf Active Member

    Day 2 Success and i feel to grow strong now.
    Going to Workout.
     
    CJJackson likes this.
  19. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    One day at a time amigo!
     
  20. Lakaf

    Lakaf Active Member

    3day muahahaha
     
    CJJackson likes this.

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