Back to try again after two years

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by CJJackson, Dec 20, 2017.

  1. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Well it feels good to find myself back here on these message boards. About two years ago I started posting about problems with porn induced fetishes. I’ve seen a million stories like mine. Starts off as a foot fetish then it turns into a femdom addiction. Fortunately, I haven’t dipped too deep into the femdom aspect. My porn consistent of forced foot worship and male foot slave stuff. I’ve also kind of dabbled with some mixed wrestling and scissor hold stuff. Bottom line is I don’t really care if I find feet or softer types of mixed wrestling sexy I just have viewed certain types of foot femdom porn that have deeply disturbed me and I in no way would pursue in real life. Two years ago I started the journey but kind of slacked off. I’ve made some progress but I’m not at the point I want to be. My goals are to quit watching porn and be able to get stronger erections from the vanilla stuff. I’m a bit embarrassed to admit this but I’m 21 years old and have never had any sex, not even a blowjob. I’ve had a few make out sessions but nothing more than that. I also suffer from anxiety and OCD so I’m guessing that has a lot to do with my problems as well. Im a senior at a great business school. My whole life has been great I’ve always had great friends and family but this porn thing makes me feel like I’m living a double life. Well that’s my long story. I’m back to try and take control of my life again. I would love any advice and motivation anybody on here can give me. Thank you
     
  2. Nuwanda

    Nuwanda Member

    Good luck on your journey, Jackson! I would recommend reading up on the success stories section. There is a lot of great motivation to get from seeing what achieving our goals can result in. This is a lifelong commitment, and in truly committing there is a lot of learning. I would recommend also checking out wabi-sabi's journal. He has a very interesting perspective on this addiction, in terms of examining the underlying causes. There is a ton of great material on this site, and it can be a bit easy to drown in it. I would recommend to sort by amount of views, this will give you the most read posts first. Welcome back!
     
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  3. themammothrept

    themammothrept Administrator Staff Member

    Hey CJ, welcome back! Feet fetishes are something easily taken care of by rebooting. Just remove all sources of artificial sexual stimulation from your life. The fetishes will fade in time, if they are porn-induced. Wish you the best on your reboot, and please keep us updated!
     
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  4. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Thanks guys for the motivation. It’s been about 48 hours and I’m feeling strong. I’ll continue to update.
     
  5. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Still feeling good went to the gym and cooked for myself. I guess right now I’m struggling with a fear of failure. Ik this is a really REALLY tough thing to do and I I think I can do it, but at times I find my mind wandering to a point where I fear relapsing and that I’ll never beat this. Any advice for like beginners. Just having way to much anxiety about fear of failure rn.
     
  6. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Been 3 days since I started the journey again. I feel good but also battle a lot of intrusive thoughts and anxiety from time to time gotta keep pushing forward tho it will make my life better in the long run
     
  7. Nuwanda

    Nuwanda Member

    I know that feeling of anxiety for relapse. It is hard to lose, it can be scary to turn ones life around. But it will be worth it. After a while, the hard stuff turns into habits, and you will have the capacity to improve other fields of your life even more. You start with working out, reading, maybe move over to eating better, go to dance classes, learn coding, whatever really. This journey is more about improving as a human and dealing with the realities of the world than simply quitting pornography. Thats why this is so powerful.
     
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  8. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    thanks for the advice. I just hope it’ll get easier the more I abstain from PMO. I’ve read a lot more worse stories of people overcoming this addiction so I know I can do it. Anyway I think it’s time I go to the gym now haha
     
  9. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Hope everyone had a great Christmas Eve. I enjoyed it felt very relaxed but I’m in need of more advice from some of you experienced fellas. I’m currently on day 5 and I can’t shake depressive thoughts. I feel anxious and still have the fear of relapse. I’ve held my ground haven’t even looked at anything pornographic since I came back here but is this normal to feel at this stage? Happy holidays everyone keep fighting the good fight.
     
  10. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Hey everyone I wanted to pitch another question. So obviously I feel like I have somewhat of a problem with pornography which is why I’m here. On average I probably fapped 2-4 time per day. I would not spend countless hours viewing porn but I fear that the stuff I viewed will make it harder for me to enjoy real sex. It’s like I don’t have as much of an interest in it. The other angle is how I’ve gotten into a more deviant kind of porn. Is this still considered addicted to porn or do you have to be someone who watches it for hours on end every day to be considered an addict?
     
  11. HowToKapow

    HowToKapow Turtles smell nice

    Rule of thumb is if you cant quit indefinitely without cravings, youre addicted. Its harder to measure with porn because we all have sex drives. So you can do the same experiment by not watching porn for a month and only fapping without it for as much as you need I guess and if you get porn cravings anyways, youre addicted.
    That said personally I used P for a total of 10 minutes a day 2 times a day and I consider myself as having been SEVERELY addicted. You dont need to watch for hours on end to be considered addict at all.
     
  12. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Yeah that’s about what I feel like I do. I feel like it’s my brain playing tricks on me bc it’s craving th dopamine. I’m currently on day 7 and having a lot of cravings. Thoughts like “I’m not happy bc I can’t watch porn” keep going through my head. So that makes me think I’m addicted
     
  13. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Had a moment of weakness earlier but also showed strength. I looked at porn for about a minute before quickly closing the browser. It’s been a week and I truly feel less of a desire to watch it so I must be making some progress.
     
  14. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Still clean feeling pretty good. Hoping to see some more changes in the coming weeks
     
  15. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Oh man been having sexual dreams every night wake up with an erection lol. I guess this is normal at this stage but I’m hoping it gets better with time.
     
  16. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Feel the need to get some more thoughts off my chest. I’m proud that Im about to begin week 3. Urges have been coming up a lot more lately. I’m trying my best to focus on other things like working out. I know deep down that I need to develop a better mindset and not stress out so much. I’m really just hoping that another 2-3 weeks of hard work I won’t have as many cravings and I’ll be at peace with my decisions. I’m guessing what I feel is normal. Kind of like early waning motivation is drifting away, now that I realize how hard this is. Anyway thanks for listening haha
     
  17. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Struggling with some depression and urges today. Can’t tell if I’m going into one of those flatlines or not. I just can’t seem to boost my spirits. Still haven’t PMO’d since being back here but I’m struggling with feelings of hopelessness. Could this just be my brain going through the withdrawals?
     
  18. 1234dyl

    1234dyl Active Member

    When you’re going through hell keep going buddy!
     
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  19. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Thanks man I appreciate the motivation! Good luck to you as well
     
  20. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Damn had the urges today. Came pretty close to a relapse but quickly turned off the browser after a few seconds. But it was in this moment I realized something. I really didn’t even feel like watching porn once I logged onto it. So I must be making some progress.
     
    1234dyl likes this.

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