The fact that I'm addicted really set in when I realized that as soon as any of the barriers I created to stop myself from viewing porn were not there I would immediately take advantage. If the app stopped for whatever reason, my heart would begin to pound and that would be the start. Or if I bring home the password for the software on my computer, as I did today, I use it to disable the parental controls and start clicking away. It's an A to B motion. I even thought about what would happen after I used the password. I wanted to unblock the website ironically. I'm living the first step of 10 step programs "We admitted we were powerless over <insert here> and that our lives had become unmanageable". Presented with privacy and the ability to view it, I will look at porn. Then afterwards regret it. The addict in me knows all the right questions to ask, all the buttons to push, and the emotional and physical state to get me in so that I will break down. I've wanted to stop for over two years. I hope I'm close to the point where the switch flips in me and I begin to deeply desire change. I haven't hit a rock bottom, there have just been embarrassing moments with women, and lethargic and distracted states of mind. Clears signs I need to change but nothing that brutally shakes me awake. Something that hurts more the porn numbs me.