OK what I've learned in this perpetual start relapse start relapse, day 5 - 7 are the worst for me as I can't seem to get past them. My body becomes more and more tense and any sexual cue amplifies this rollercoaster of sexual thoughts and positions. It's pretty intense and obviously I've struggled to make it past those dates. Every time I get near day 7, the intensity and the self rationalizing kicks in and the minute I PMO, I regret it. Another observation is that I definitely yo--yo back and forth with food and porn. So the plan is always to stop the PMO and then once I get that under control, curb the over-eating. Stress - work/family/the world - seems to drive it and as much as I try to take it one day at a time, the idea of not having those two escape pods (food/PMO) becomes unbearable. I've noticed that during the 1 - 6 days that I manage to avoid PMO, a lot of anger wells up and it feels like all the assertive opportunities to say how I felt and what I really wanted surface in some sort of regret. I'll ruminate over this and do the usual replay and promise to be more assertive. It's almost like I get a taste of the confidence that exists beyond PMO, a message from how I could be without PMO. The cycle is brutal and seems to be intensifying. Self Pity aside, this process is extremely challenging.