Thank you @forlorn. I fell off the rails there for a couple of days but I am back again. I am more determined than ever to beat this addiction. I really need to reach out for some therapy. I don't think I can tackle this stuff on my own. Obviously my willpower alone is not cutting it. I live in a big city so hopefully there are programs out there for affordable counseling. My insurance is terrible (go USA) so I'd have to pay full price and I simply cannot afford it. I tend to relapse when I'm hungover. And try as I might I get more hungover than I'd like. I've been recognizing for some time that I have a drinking problem. I've been using it to escape reality and to console me when I'm depressed or anxious. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with drinking. And I'm by no means the worst case scenario but anything you can't quit even when you try (i.e. PMO and alcohol for me) is an addiction and needs to be dealt with. It's humbling to have to admit these dual problems but one enforces the other and so they both have to go. In terms of PMO, I'm trying to abstain completely. For drinking, that's a tough one. My job, my friends - so much of it centers around alcohol. I have to learn what my triggers are and avoid them as best I can. I can't promise I'm going to to quit today but I'm actively trying to cut back. Anyway I've been 24 hours clean from PMO and I hope to quit forever.