Back after Three Years

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by TJ3, Jan 5, 2018.

  1. TJ3

    TJ3 Member

    I discovered porn at an early age. By my late teens early 20s I had tried for many years to quit watching porn. I felt I had tried everything until about four years ago (fall of 2013) I found this site.

    Re-empowered by all the new information I learned from YBOP, I decided to try quitting porn one more time.

    It was a success! After 100 days of no PMO I was celebrating, bragging about it here in the forums. By 365 days I felt I was "cured" so to speak. I honestly felt free from pornography addiction, even though I acknowledged that the urges never went away.

    I wrote a post here explaining how I did it.

    But I realized I was probably more of a sex addict than just a porn addict. I was so empowered by the anti-PMO experience I thought I would try it again, except this time I wanted to quit having meaningless sex until I was in an intimate relationship.

    That however, messed with my mind a bit and threw me off. After 402 days of no PMO, I had relapsed. I'm not a neurologist so I can't really explain what happened, but re-starting the process had somehow triggered me and thrown me off. I learned then that the reboot process really re-wires your brain and there is no telling what could happen. When I initially quit I had a sudden boost in "hormonal activities," which I called the opposite of flat-lining. I guess this time was too much for my brain to handle.

    Discouraged, I went the next three years returning to PMOing. It wasn't that I thought I couldn't do it again, I knew it was possible, but I didn't want to start from 0 again and go through the process. I decided to wait, indefinitely.

    Fast forward three years later, it's a new year, I'm older/more mature, more in control, hormones not as out of control and I've decided to start climbing this mountain again. I will be using the same method I used before, which I stand by (and still recommend, if you're curious). I've reset my counter and logged back here. So here's to another 400+ days!
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2019
  2. BuddhaPunkRobotMonk

    BuddhaPunkRobotMonk Administrator Staff Member

    Hi welcome back! Glad to hear that you have had success before. Guess there is not much for me to say, only good luck, you know what to do, don't get discouraged, keep climbing that mountain, and please keep us updated about your progress!
  3. rami

    rami New Member

    welcome back I think you can do it
    I have been trying quitting for three years now and I didn't do more than 60 days
  4. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    60 days is phenomenal, Rami! The most I have done is 42 days. Do you have any advice for how you reached the two month mark? I know that you've said in other places that vigorous exercise has been part of your routine.
  5. TJ3

    TJ3 Member


    Can you share:

    How the process was going for your during your 60 days?

    What you think helped you make it to 60 days?

    Why you think you watched porn after 60 days? What was the trigger?

    Same for @Squire
    Squire likes this.
  6. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    Hey TJ3, as for my 42 days, it has been a while ago and all the smaller streaks have blurred together with it in my mind. But generally speaking, I found the 1 week, 2 week, 30 day marks to all be danger times. Somehow when I reached numbers that seemed more significant to me I felt more wobbly, like this success could not go on forever, or even that I had somehow reached a goal and deserved to "celebrate" by allowing myself to go back to PMO. In addition to the significant counter numbers, another trigger for me to relapse has been feelings of boredom and/or anxiety. I'd find myself alone in the house with no clear plan of what to do and just start surfing the net. Or I'd have a minor social setback of some kind or a tiff with my wife and then fall back into old patterns to pacify myself.

    Some things that have helped me sustain streaks have been to stay busy, to stay socially connected with people and with my wife, and to try to look at the sources of my anxiety and work through them. Also, to realize that I actually value mental peace better than the temporary high of PMO. So I've tried to identify something I want MORE than PMO - peace - and value that enough to make a sacrifice of my temporary urges.
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2018
  7. TJ3

    TJ3 Member

    Wow, interesting. I also find week 1 and 2 marks to be difficult.

    Also having nothing to do.

    One thing I noticed is that starting out there is a lot of fervor that slowly disappears. I start watching my triggers and noticed after 2 weeks, triggers are not on my mind as much as they were starting out. So I have to remember to remember my triggers.

    I imagine it's harder avoiding MO as well. Around 2-4 weeks in is where I begin to allow MO.
    Squire likes this.
  8. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    I do think that physically for me, it is easier to deal with this issue now than when I was in my 20's and 30's. My libido is just not what it was and to me that is not really a bad thing, I don't want my life centered exclusively around sex. Paradoxically, the urge and the enjoyment are not as strong, yet the habit is so longstanding it is just as hard to break.
  9. TJ3

    TJ3 Member

    Makes sense. This time around feels much easier for me because I think I'm older and not as lebido-driven.
    Squire likes this.
  10. rami

    rami New Member

    hi guys,
    sorry for taking that long,

    well basically I get heavily involved in the addiction during exam times.
    I have a shitty load of books to study; old fashioned, boring and useless but I need to study them for the exams
    I study alone in my room so their you are, how can you not run away to porn.

    well my 60 days was in the summer I didn't have to study, I had discovered about this kind of community recently
    I was in a really fantastic English course with amazing people.
    I was in tow different sport clubs, meeting a lot of knew people,
    how can you not be sober if you are having a wonderful life. say: on vacation.
    it was very good and I was happier I had no urges at all

    the real challenge for me was getting my self to study and work which drove me back to my old habits of running away.
    Squire likes this.
  11. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    Rami, would it help you to study in a different place? Is there a library or coffee shop, or maybe being together with other students in one of your rooms? It sounds lonely and boring to study by yourself in your room. But sometimes you need peace and quiet and no distractions, especially right before exams.
  12. TJ3

    TJ3 Member

    Wanted to post a brief update:

    It's been 42 days and I have not PMO'ed.

    After 35 days I ended up having a real life encounter (no O) and later MO'ing, according to my plan, which allows me to MO after a month of refraining. I made it through the month, then did it. Except I did it maybe 5 or 6 times over the course of two days. I tried to wait another week, but ended up doing it again yesterday as an emergency. I had not been watching my triggers during this week and could have almost relapsed to porn, so I decided I needed to MO to avoid it.

    I'm still very tempted to PO in recent days due to stress and not being as strict about avoiding my triggers. I logged on here to see my counter and remind myself how far I've gotten, which helped. This next week I plan to go back to aggressively avoiding triggers.

    EDIT (3/12):

    I also realize I never wrote down some of the benefits I found when I refrained from MO or O for a month. I'm coming back now to make sure I have this documented:

    • Increased focus: I can generally be a huge procrastinator and sometimes a bit lazy, but after about a month of no MO I found myself suddenly having a lot of focus and drive to complete projects, eagerly at that.
    • Increased Energy: Same with focus, I just had a lot more energy and willpower to do things and complete tasks. I was waking up early feeling good and ready to work.
    • More desire to workout: I usually have to force myself to excercize, but for some reason, the rebooting no MO gave me a drive and desire to workout literally every day.
    • A glow that seemed to attract more attention: I must have a certain glow because I just can tell that I get more attention and attraction than usual. Can't tell, but maybe my skin looks better or something or perhaps pheromones, but there is definitely a notieciable change in how people look at me.
    MO-ing seemed to be sucking energy out of me without me even noticing until I got all that back. Not sure the science of it, but it is a noticeable thing.
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2018
  13. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    Thanks for checking in. I hope your plan works out for you the way you would like and you'll continue to share your discoveries here to help others.
  14. TJ3

    TJ3 Member

    Thanks for the kind words. I will say that I went off my plan's restrictions. The plan was to only MO no more than once a week, but after the first time I O'd it increased to a few times.

    Now I am having much stronger urges to PMO. Trying to avoid it, but in the last couple days it's been worse. Last time I tried this by this point I did not have these feelings. Hopefully I can push through.

    If I do relapse, I will try to be more careful next time and stick to the 1 MO a week plan. I think what I NEED to do is restart a one month no MO bout, but I don't WANT to.
  15. rami

    rami New Member

    you are doing great job here.
    but It seems like MOs are kind of trigger for you
    I think you would be better without them at all
    Squire likes this.
  16. TJ3

    TJ3 Member

    Thanks! Yeah, well, actually I think the encounter I had was the trigger :( I should have given myself more than a month.

    Thanks for bringing this up, I think I have a way of dealing with this now, now that you've got me thinking about it. I'm going to hit that MO emergency button again tonight, then re-start the month-long refrain.

    I think the issue is that after that one encounter I MO'd and a bit wrecklessly stopped worrying about my reboot. I stopped watching my triggers and only half-heartedly tried to limit MO to once a week. The original plan was to ease back into this behavior, but I dived in too soon!

    Thinking this through I realize that I don't WANT to restart my month long no MO because I have all this penned up energy. I'm going to MO tonight and hopefully clear my mind. Then with a clear mind, I'll restart the No-MO and avoiding triggers! Posting updates here and talking this through really helps. I was this close to relapsing! We'll see if this plan works.
  17. TJ3

    TJ3 Member

    Update: I MO'd the next night (Day 50). That worked, cleared my mind, even though I had to talk myself into do it over P. I'm now going back to avoiding triggers. Will try for another month of no MO, but we will see.
  18. TJ3

    TJ3 Member

    Quick update: I wanted to see how many days it's been as I lost count.

    After that one low point, looks like that was the big hump. It's been a lot easier. I MO and O more frequently, but try not to get carried away. I go about 3-4 days to a week. No strong urges to PO, but mostly I've been busy. I will continue to keep on top of my triggers and try to MO on a very limted basis, aiming for no more than once a week until at least the 90 day mark. But the urges to PO have gone down noticeably.
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2018
  19. TJ3

    TJ3 Member

    Another update: I've reached the 90-day mark, well 92 days. No porn. The biggest changed I've noticed so far is less interest in MO or porn. I can go a few days to a week without MO much easily. Urges for P have declined to a pooint where I feel I can say no. I am not really obsessing over my triggers as much, but am still aware of them when I get out of hand (sometimes I may get to fantasizing or daydreaming and remind myself it's a trigger). A few weeks ago I made it a point to keep avoiding MO for at least a week.

    Now that it's been 90 days I plan to start weening myself back onto a "whenever I want" schedule. I will wait a week in between MOs if I feel they are getting out of hand or I feel tempted to PO, but I plan to eventually end the week rule and possibly slowly let up on monitoring triggers.
  20. TJ3

    TJ3 Member

    wow, I didn't realize yesterday was my 100th day of no PO. Signed in today and saw the counter is at 101. So guess you can see I stopped counting days. So best I can describe it is that the intrigue of P is still there. I think it will naturally always be there, but I feel more in control and able to say no and actually follow through.

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