Back after 8 years

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by beardoclock, Sep 11, 2021.

  1. beardoclock

    beardoclock New Member

    Well, I'm back after over 8 years off this site. I struggled from very severe porn addiction throughout my teens and into my early 20's. Anytime I would engage in sex with women I had severe ED which started a vicious cycle of not wanting to engage and when I did engage being psychologically scarred from ED. I then found this website and began my journey to free myself from porn addiction.

    I was able to open up to my first girlfriend about porn addiction. She was very supportive and I was able to engage in my first meaningful sexual relationship at the age of 23 for about 2 years. We broke up and I started to make up for lost time, having a number of short sexual relationships within a two-year span, after which I met my now wife (we have been together since 2014). I am happy I had a span of being single and having a healthy sex life, I would be really regretful if I never had that opportunity in life. My life would not be the same if I stayed addicted to porn and I am very grateful that I found this website.

    My wife is now 7 months pregnant and things are going great overall, aside from the fact that I slipped back into watching porn incessantly. In addition to pregnancy, the pandemic certainly has something to do with this, as well a not being to see my family on the West Coast for years. It's crazy how I can go 8 years with having a healthy sex life without engaging in porn (very much) and all of a sudden old habits take over. I'm at a stage in life where I really value my time and being productive, but porn addiction is simply incongruent with that idea. I like to meditate but found that porn would get in the way of my meditation practice. I am hoping that this website in combination with therapy and mindfulness meditation will work for my porn addiction and allow me to experience life in a fuller way again.

    One thing I have noticed about myself is that I often have feelings of loss and regret over not having had a healthy sex life until the age of 23. I am grateful that I overcame my addiction, however, I can't help but think about all the wasted opportunities to not only have sex when I was young but foster friendships and relationships outside of sex. Many of you likely sympathize, but being addicted to porn leads to anti-social behaviour. Being in your 30's doesn't allow for the same relationship-building opportunities as when you are younger (in college). I know that I need to deal with the fact that that time in my life is over, and be grateful for the fact that I am on the other side of porn addiction, but I can't help but feeling regret sometimes of my past life and all that I missed out on. I have a good group of core friends, but I am very outgoing and social now, and can't help but think of those times I lived basically as a shut-in or avoided the advances of women that were interested in me.

    Anyways, nice seeing you all again.

    Beardo
     
  2. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Welcome back, man! Regardless of the past, the only regret you should have now is that things have gotten so far out of hand now. We're in pretty similar situations - back after a while.

    Looking forward to following your success story.
     

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