Back... a bit broken but maybe wiser?

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Lowdo, Mar 5, 2019.

  1. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Hey Gil - thanks for the question: it's got me thinking. There have definitely been different pressures (work stress, family stuff, parents getting older). The stuff almost all of us face at some point or another.

    I think the key thing that I allowed to go wrong though was I got back into the mindset that P or M (both really, cos they're so linked!) was stress-relieving. That allowed me to think that holding off of them was only making me more stressed... when in actual fact getting caught back in my addiction has only massively multiplied the stress... PMO does not relieve stress. I need to keep telling myself that.

    Take care everyone.
    Gil79 likes this.
  2. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Well-Known Member

    Hey there Lowdo. Good to hear from you again.
    Lowdo likes this.
  3. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Hi Boxer... it's good to be back :) Wish I hadn't wandered off into the dark woods...

    As always, I'm feeling a lot better back here and am hoping to get some distance between me and P. I'm definitely finding the adapted Allen Carr Easy ebook very helpful. There's no trick but just gives a very useful perspective on addiction in general. Hope you're all good.
    Boxer17 likes this.
  4. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    It seems that some of us disappear from the site for weeks or months, then come back (I recognise this pattern in myself). The fact we always come back, suggests we know something's not right and that deep down, we want to strive towards building better lives for ourselves. I guess the key is to carry on posting throughout the good times and the bad.
    Abc and Lowdo like this.
  5. realness

    realness Well-Known Member

    appreciate you coming back and encouraging a newbie like me
    Lowdo likes this.
  6. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Hey guys - thanks for all the encouragement. Things are going well at the moment - the 'Allen Carr' approach of reminding myself that P only worsens the stress is working well but i know there will be tougher days so I'll need plenty of accountability and encouragement. Hope you're all OK.
  7. Abc

    Abc The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    True, forlorn:) and not a guess:D
    Lowdo likes this.
  8. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Hey guys, just checking in really. Still doing fine on the PMO front but noticed that I've been a bit wobbly emotionally today which isn't good for long term recovery. Thinking about it, I'm feeling a little bruised after a brief but sharp argument earlier in the day - all forgiven and forgotten but impacts still leave bruises. The other issues i think stem from being at a party with my wife's new work colleagues. All good fun but exhausting being Mr Happy Extrovert walking around keeping the same beer going for 3 hours... I enjoy meeting people but so many new faces at once is kinda tiring. I think I need to take a run at the first opportunity tomorrow...

    I know these are small things but I'm hoping that by paying more attention to my emotional health I can keep things more stable. I hope you're all good.
    Gil79 likes this.
  9. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Feeling emotionally wobbly is part of life, isn't it? It is the way we deal with it that matters for long term recovery and to me it seems that you're doing that really well.
    Lowdo likes this.
  10. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Hi guys - I hope you're all ok. I always find regular posting difficult when there's not much to report - but I know that there's something in the simple action of putting yourself out there that is somehow helpful to your state of mind... It's more than accountability (although there's an element of that).

    Anyhoo... for what it's worth, I'm doing OK. I'm not really counting days but I'm still on course and haven't been back on the P. Which is great.

    I have some potentially large new responsibilities at my job - which is exciting and scary - but before that I have 2 weeks stay-cation with my wife and daughter which will be an awesome time just to wind down.

    Take care everyone!
    Gil79 and Mad Dog like this.
  11. realness

    realness Well-Known Member

    have a great vacation man! pretty cool timing where you can examine and plan for the job changes with your recovery in mind.
    Lowdo and Abc like this.
  12. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Thanks @realness - yep, I'm looking forward to some good family time. Depending on the weather we might even do some off-the-grid wild camping with friends.
    positivef and Gil79 like this.
  13. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Hey guys. I've been feeling a bit stressed the last few days - I think mostly brought on by the usual rush at work before taking a holiday. I am now officially on holiday, even if my travel plans are all cancelled ;) I'm hoping a few days of chill, running and baking bread (my new hobby since lockdown - a bit cliched I know!) will get rid of some of the stress.

    I hope you're all OK.
    Gil79 likes this.
  14. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Hey all - just checking in very briefly. Still doing ok - had some urges this morning but no opportunity to do anything thank goodness. I'm on holiday with the family (at home cos travel not really an option ;)) so generally my time is occupied and stress not too bad. I hope you're all ok.

    It's late and I'm still awake so I'm planning to go have a look for this comet that's visiting... i figure seeing something that won't be seen again for 6800 years might be worthwhile :). Wish me luck!
    positivef likes this.
  15. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Good to hear you're doing well. Comet spotting sounds fun, any luck?
    Lowdo likes this.
  16. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear your travel plans got cancelled. Wild camping sounds fun (apart from the lack of bathroom facilities). But never mind, I am sure you can make the most of your time at home. Did you get to see the comet?
    Lowdo likes this.
  17. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    @positivef yup - got a great view last night... i don't know much about the night sky but staring up at a clear sky full of stars certainly puts things in perspective.

    @forlorn we might cheat and bring a few things in the campervan ;)
    positivef likes this.
  18. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Hello Lowdo ! March on bro !
    Lowdo likes this.
  19. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Hey @Mad Dog - cheers for the encouragement.

    I've had no urges but have been struggling with various triggers (arguments/niggles with wife and daughter - always over trivial things) which have lead to PMO binges in the past. I need to be less argumentative (cos the stress isn't great) but I think I also need to break the connection in my head between these things and PMO. For years, feeling hurt or angry has left me feeling entitled to my drug of choice. This clearly isn't helpful...

    I hope you guys are all ok. Take care.
    Boxer17, positivef and realness like this.
  20. realness

    realness Well-Known Member

    Being aware of and processing those triggers is a good thing, instead of being numb to them and letting them play you. Do you have any ideas of how to react to them right away, like an immediate action?

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