Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Lowdo, Mar 5, 2019.
Have a good trip!
I had a really good week - camping always helps me de-stress. I just wanted to check in now that I'm back on-grid. I've also been reading a very interesting novel that was quoted and recommended by someone I really respect. Although it's a novel it's exploring some very interesting real-world topics that seem relevant to me, and possibly others. I still haven't quite finished it but might post a few details once I've had time to process it.
Hope you're all good - take care!
Hey guys. Just wanted to check-in. Things seem Ok at the moment - I was reflecting earlier today that I'm in the 'easy' period in a reboot: I'm on pretty much exactly 90 days and it does feel great. However I know from previous experience that unless I take proper steps to work on my whole self I will never fully get away from the things that can drive me to PMO.
The book I mentioned in my previous post focused on the topic of how all of us tend to project a 'glittering image' to the world when whilst remaining ashamed of who we believe our true selves to be. The reasons for this differ from person to person and are obviously vey complex, however the end result is that we spend so much time working on our 'public persona' that our true selves (who we're ashamed of) are never able to fully develop. I'm probably explaining it very badly... I'll try to unpack it more after I've had more time to think. I haven't mentioned the name or author of the book as, whilst it's very good, it did contain a few potential mild triggers so I hesitate to recommend it as 'safe' reading...
Anyway, I'm working on improving my reading and meditation, still taking the cold showers (although I forgot this morning!) and am also trying to increase the amount of exercise I do, although currently struggling with a buggered knee...
Keep going everyone!
Hi guys - I'm really sorry I haven't been around for 2 weeks! No particular catastrophe but just a combination of poor discipline and lots of stress at work have meant I haven't really been in a great place mentally for several weeks.
Thankfully I have been able to get a bit more running in and also some gardening which has been helping me to keep my head above water. My knee injury still isn't brilliant but I kinda figure I'd rather keep my mental health in one piece and have a bit of a limp! My wife has also been amazing and is learning to spot when I'm feeling low - sometimes all it takes is her to remind me to just do something for myself, even something simple like treating myself to coffee on my way between meetings can actually lift my mood. Although it sounds trivial I reckon this is something significant - a lot of us addicts spend the whole time denying ourselves stuff and secretly telling ourselves we're not good enough and don't deserve things. When we actually treat ourselves as 'worthy' it starts to change our state of mind - actually I do bloody deserve a Starbucks!
In PMO news, no particular urges to speak of but an annoying number of porn relapse dreams!! I've been thru patches like this before and could do without it but I think it's part of the clearing-out process. Oh - and I'm still doing the cold showers pretty much every morning (actually it's more of a cold blast at the end of a regular shower). I'm not completely sure of the benefits but it seems to improve my mood and it certainly wakes me up!!!
The dreams are terrible. I find myself just on the edge of sleep and it slips in, I notice, take a deep breath, and bam another one as I glide towards sleep. I'm with you on the cold showers. I'm not sold on the benefits for me personally, but when I do it I seem to get my day started with more pep in the step.
I have been trying cold showers for a while, in the UK we have a pair of doctors on the telly who advocate it for mood.
For a different perspective I provide the link below. Be warned there is an obviously female scalp breaking the surface of some water at the top of the page, some of us might make a fantasy of that.
Thanks @MissingSelfCompassion - it's good to know I'm not the only one!
@GreyHeron - thanks for the link. That makes for some interesting reading. Out of interest, which TV show is it - I don't technically live in the UK but I do watch a lot of UK telly.
Totally agree with this. I've recently started going to a place in the city for coffee and doughnuts. Sometimes I'll take my laptop, at other times I'll watch the world go by from the window. It's a pleasant way to spend a little time and like you say, even a minor treat helps us prove to ourselves that we're worthy/deserving.
Still can't bring myself to do this. The weather here in the UK makes a cold shower seem even less appealing to me
@forlorn - Cold showers are definitely tough to start with - lately (possibly cos it's summer!) I'm noticing that I don't flinch quite so badly so I might be starting to get used to it. I'm sure it's not completely essential but it definitely makes a difference to me.
In other news, things are still OK although stress levels remain quite high at work, home is much better. One of the side-effects of my knee injury is that I've been given simple leg exercises to do twice a day - this means I tend to go to an empty room a couple of times a day and spend 5 minutes doing squats. It occurred to me today (whilst doing squats!) that this is proving to be a really good de-stress timeout for me. It also, weirdly, reminds me that I used to use PMO for exactly this purpose: I would sneak off and use it to numb the stress whenever everything simply got too much to deal with: it's not a pleasant memory... However, what's great its that leg exercises work just as well with the considerable benefit of not driving a debilitating and destructive addiction! And my legs are getting stronger which is improving my running and my self esteem! Win win!
Anyway, I'm not sure if it's for everyone since you might not have space to do it - but maybe building regular healthy de-stressing activities into your day is an effective way to reduce cravings in the early stages of reboot and to ultimately build your health and self-esteem in the long run? Just a thought...
I'm definitely not convinced about taking cold showers
However I agree about exercising being a good way of de-stressing. Some people say squats (along with deadlifts) are the best exercises you can do. As well as working the legs they also help to build a strong core.
Hi Lowdo, the doctors are Chris and Xand van Tulleken. Chris specifically did a series where he experimented with treating patients like humans, it was called "The Doctor Who Gave Up Drugs". In one case he fixed it for a patient with depression to regularly swim in open water, because he believes in the science. I know it is telly but science is only faith without spiritual songs.
Hey guys - sorry for the very long absence! Summer so far has been a crazily busy and a bit stressful - more by luck and momentum than good discipline I'm still PMO clean but I've been feeling for a while that I needed to come back and try to resume journaling.
Anyway, after a near miss (some very strong urges and nearly watching some adult content on Netflix) last night I realised that I really need to stay connected with you guys and get a bit more disciplined. Hope you're all OK - I need to go as still have family things to do but just wanted to take the chance to re-connect quickly.
Hope you're all OK. I'll try to read your threads later tonight. More to follow...
Glad you're back. You have been missed
Really glad youre back.
Hey guys - thanks for the kind comments. It's good to be back!
I'm still having some unusually strong urges at the mo so really appreciate your support. Just taking a break at the mo to do some leg exercises and thought I'm pop into the site for some motivation.
Take care all of you!
The thing is brother, we are here to enjoy our life and enjoy our sex energy. So if you have made the manly bold commitment samurai-style sharp "this is what I am doing to do" item of not looking at any porn, and not touching yourself, and not masturbating, and not having sex, then by NATURAL LAW of your commitment there should be zero urges or temptations.
Either do it, or don't do it.
When I had sexual urges in the past after making my declaration of abstinence for a period, it was my decision point. Either break my agreement or be a coward loser.
And the thing is it is OK to break the agreement. The only condition is as follows,
"I am not deciding to break this agreement, and I will watch porn and wank now. The commitment is now finished and over, and there is no second thought about it."
Urges are a sign you are not FULLY COMMITED. So either get on the board and let the captain Jack Sparrow sink with the ship, otherwise, break the commitment with your consent.
Always be in control. I am not for/or against porn. I am against being out of control.
I have no issues people watching porn at all. As long as they are The Master about it.
The sex energy if it manifests as an urge, is an indicator you aren't fully on board at all. Get on board, or get off the ship. Don't be a dangler. Either be the Captain or be The Drunk- but make sure YOU are in control.
Unless I am not understanding the meaning behind that statement. To me urges are a sign you are a functioning male. How we direct those urges is the important thing.
As the old saying goes " you can't stop a bird from flying over your head, but you can keep it from making a nest in your hair"
Hey guys - thanks for the comments above. I've been away on work for a few days and have deliberately keeping off the web whilst alone. Unfortunately, back home this evening I broke the 11th commandment and decided to 'peak' about 10 minutes ago - which I'm not proud of but wanted to be completely honest about. Thankfully instead of letting things take their course, I decided that I would stick to my no PMO commitment and come here...
@Johhny Bravo - your comments are challenging but timely. I am here for the long haul and need to work hard to get through this bumpy patch.
Thanks again to all of you
Are you pursuing girls in real life?
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