Awakening the Dragon

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by 47, Apr 4, 2012.

  1. 47

    47 New Member

    Hey everybody. I'm feel like I'm spilling my guts so this might be a bit long. This is my story.

    I'm a young guy (21) who grew up a typical social misfit: shy, no confidence, bullied etc. At some point I ate my lunch in the bathroom at school (I've let this all go, this is just to give you an idea). For years I coukd only dream of being with a girl, so I turned to fantasy and... well you know to what else I turned to. My first sexual encounter was at 18, at that moment I could still get hard enough, even though I didn't feel much and sometimes went semi-soft' but I didn't think much of it and blamed it on my girlfriend being "loose" haha.
    That relationship ended after two months and things then took a turn for the worse.

    My next encounter I couldn't get hard, blamed it all on anxiety. I never saw that girl again ( that experience SCARRED me). I then became more and more anxious and started looking for ED pills on craigslist, winding up in sketchy places to get them. But even when I took those, the only situation where I could get hard was the next morning if I stayed with the girl, so I pretty much avoided sex, each encounter being more humiliating than the other. The stress was literally killing me: wondering if I would wind up having a sexless youth, watching time and occasions go by. I developped a case of zona, which is extremelly rare amongst young people, and also psoriasis ans other kinds of rashes on my skin.

    I tought it was pretty cruel twist of fate: I had turned into an attractive ( yet insecure) young man, and chicks were now looking at me, but I couldn't look back. The situation was now the opposite, before I wanted to have sex but was unnatractive, now I was attractive but couldn't have sex. It sucked. And yet I couldn't tell anyone, it was such a burden. (I had told one friend about my first misadventure and he told all my other friends so I decided I wouldn't tell anyone again.)

    I was beginning to lose all hope when I fell upon YBOP by accident. Funny story, I actually had my other tabs on porn (and the type that I'm not proud to have watched, pretty sick) when I first openned the site, and I told myself I would take a look at it later. I did and EUREKA! Out of the hundreds of internet searches i had made on the subject of my mysterious ED, this was the first one who actually gave me real answers, not just to relax, take deep breaths and not make such a big deal out of it.

    I've been PM free for about 4 months and a half now, altough I've had sex and orgasms with my girlfriend during that period(we just broke up three weeks ago but still occasionnally hook-up). I'm still not at 100%, maybe 70 and stille not confident about condoms, so now I'm gonna cut on the orgasms and see what happens.

    PS I'm also getting an operation for a deviated septum in May which causes me to have sleep apnea, and indirectly, less energy and weaker erections, especially in the morning (less oxygen and nitric oxide to my weiner or something like that).
     
  2. 47

    47 New Member

    Btw, I'm not done, at this point in my reboot I have seen a couples changes. I have a deeper voice, I'm groing more body hair, I think my metabolism has slowed down because I'm able to retain more muscle than before (Ive always been the skinny guy type). More importantly, I'm now very confident, I don't even have to think about what to say it flows naturally, I'm cocky (in a playful way) and naturally funny without trying too hard. I'm good looking guy, tall, wide shoulders, etc and I can appreciate that for the first time. Chicks love my company and I sure love them back (I actually think I'm falling in love with every cute girl I'm meeting right now)
    Even more importantly I now love myself as a whole, If I make a mistake I forgive myself immediatly, I let go of the past and stop worrying about the future, this is the happiest I ever been guys, this is the best thing I have ever done for myself. THIS IS SO WORTH IT MY BROTHERS IN ARMS, DON'T LOOK BACK I think about this summer and I know it's gonne be pure, unadulterared AWESOME 8)
    Sorry if this a bit too much or too emotional, I just had to get this shit off my chest ;)
     
  3. MetaMorph

    MetaMorph New Member

    47, thanks for sharing. Good to see you've made it this far.

    I like your avatar, this should be us when we are fighting our urges: Kick ass like a tiger!

    I also like your signature.
     
  4. Trev

    Trev New Member

    Hi 47, thank you for sharing your story with everyone.

    No worries about that, this forum is here for exactly that purpose. It is also good that you are getting emotional about it, because addiction to PMO badly affects the emotions, so it's great that you feel fired up to change. Hell yeah!

    Rebooting is definitely worth it - keep going!
     
  5. High_Achiever

    High_Achiever New Member

    I love reading your story! You should be proud for cominig this far already!

    I also remember a time when I ate my lunch in the bathroom of our school. Frankly, before I already was a very social kid, but during that time my porn use was really escalating. Looking back, my behavior makes a lot more sense then it did back then.

    I wish you the best and I hope that you'll keep seeing changes!

    I also hope that you'll keep us updated of your progess off course?

    just don't make us too jalous ;)
     
  6. 47

    47 New Member

    Gotta admit I stole the signature from Reddit.
    And don't be jealous, tell yourself that this is you! ;) Keep going!
    I'll definetly keep you guys posted, I think there's interesting stuff to come.
     
  7. 47

    47 New Member

    Hey guys, I think I just convinced one of my close friends to try no PMO after nagging him for quite some time. He has all of the symtoms of the severe user, plus he never had a girlfriend. By the same occasion, I told him about my (now mostly gone) ED problem. He's the first person I ever told in the real world. Feels good.
     
  8. 47

    47 New Member

    Okay so I've been over 5 months with no PM, but I've heard that abstaining from O made for a better reboot so it's been a little more than two weeks with no O. MAN, withdrawals symptoms ALL OVER AGAIN after all this time. I feel anxious, i feel cold and jumpy and etc. But I think the worst withdrawal symptom is that I feel inferior to people around me, all that confidence I was feeling is gone.. for now. That I can rationalize pretty easily, tellin myself that I'll feel event better afterwards, but I me and my friend met a girl that I kinda liked, and altough I had been having sex with my ex, I was into my withdrawal semi-flatliny uneasiness, so I didnt feel quite ready for a new girl. She first made out with my friend, but she seemed to like me more, so my friend let me try my luck. Seeing I didnt do anything during the next couple of days, he contacted her and now he's been kinda seeing her (they havent had sex yet but still).
    I havent had the courage to tell my friend I liked her (Why didn't you do anything?).
    So, yeah, this is it. This kinda sucks.
     

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