Avoiding Women

Discussion in 'Social Advice' started by CleanMind, May 11, 2018.

  1. CleanMind

    CleanMind New Member

    So I have been trying to reboot for three years now. I've had one streak of three months and two streaks of five months with no luck on achieving erections. I have had two relationships with two girls during this time and have failed at achieving full erections. I always end up hurting the girl because they think that I am not into them and so they reject me. As a result, I have been avoiding dating for two years to avoid the shameful situation and the frustation that comes with it. I have turned down several women because of this and this makes me very sad because I am a 31 years old who should already be established with a family. All my friends and cousins are already married with children and I wish that I could at least have a girlfriend that I can maintain and make her happy. Every time I go out, society reminds me that I should be with women or at least hunting for them. I am able to hit on women successfully but always trying not to get them so riled up about sex so that I won't disappoint them. At every gathering people ask why am I single. The pressure from society is tough. They think that I am gay but they don't understand what I am going through. I have relapsed many times because of this. Everytime I want to hit on a girl I remember the dissapointment and frustation that comes with it and makes me not want to do it. Is like my brain has learned not to hit on women because it always end on my PIED problem. I used to think that relationships were not all about sex but I have come to find out that sex is probably about 80 percent of the relationship.

    Maybe I should find a girl who can carry my luggage but I don't wanna put that burden on anybody. Maybe I should satisfy the girl with oral sex but up to what point. I was even thinking about paying an escort to be my girlfriend for certain ocassions. What I really want to do is stay off of girls (and PMO obviously) for a whole year before I start rewiring with a girl. At that point I can say that I will be ready for a real girl wether it be with hard erections or not but at least I would have tried abstinence for a year. The idea is to deprive my brain of any sexual stimulation so as to not activate similar pathways. I believe someone else in this forum calls it "no arousal method" which I have been trying to put into practice but keep relapsing because of the social pressure.

    How to deal with society is what's worrying me right now. I know that I can achieve a whole year of no PMO if I was isolated in an island with no women but I have to deal with people asking questions that I don't want to be honest about. After all, it is very weird for a male my age or any male for that matter not be looking for women. It is what people have in their minds. When you go out with friends, everybody is trying to hook you up with a girl like if you needed food in your table. At work, being single at this age does not look good at all. I have to be reminded everyday of my problem the same way I reinforce my goals about rebooting. Most of the time this reinforcement is not enough to overcome society's pressure anx I end up relapsing. I feel like I need a good story or maybe I should be honest about my situation with everybody. Maybe I should go ahead with the reboot without caring about what anynody thinks. Maybe some of you have found someone who is willing to run with your problem.

    Just wish it was normal to be alone without having the need of women because after all thats what my brain thinks now. It craves the hand but not women and is fine because I want to come naturally (hopefully in a year).
  2. BuddhaPunkRobotMonk

    BuddhaPunkRobotMonk Administrator Staff Member

    Hey CleanMind, thanks for sharing. I am familiar with the societal pressure you mentioned. 32 and single. I tell people I've taken a vow of celibacy. This has largely taken the pressure off me... might work for you too. Or you could be honest with people about your situation... but I could see that backfiring making your friends even more committed to hooking you up.

    My advice would be to learn how not to mind what other people think of you. We are each our own unique individuals and we can't share each other's experiences. There is inevitably going to be something about us, no matter how conformist we are, that other people don't understand. Just let them not understand. It's no concern of theirs. Just live your life how you see fit. Don't dwell on what you think other people think of you. A meditation practice can help immensely in fostering such an attitude.

    Hope this helps. Please keep us all updated about your progress!
  3. CleanMind

    CleanMind New Member

    Thank you for the response. Would like to give meditation a try. Have been one week no pmo so far.

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