...at least we can joke about it now, what do I know

Well. Shields holding. The teetotaller bs seems to work. Had a moment of possible depression,
told the moment "fuck this" and just went running. Weird. Beautiful. And all the rest, y'know.

 

Keep it up brother

 

Been a while. Still doing the straight edge thing, kind of. Had some minor relapses, but nothing scary. Taking way better care of myself now. Getting more attention from boys and girls. Which is a bit of a, well, not a problem, but a bit confusing. Just not used to.

Leaving consumption blanketing my emotions behind for the most part, also opens up other questions. How to distract myself? How to deal with life shit? How to not go overboard with the new stuff I'm putting more focus on now?

Its not harder, just a bit alien. Unexplored, uncharted, soon to be implemented additions to the map.

 

A friend of mine is headed straight for a weird identity centered around being a person without relationship experience. Think a lighter version of incel who feel their issue is mostly a social one, not genetic. (They'd kill me for that explanation, though.)

I've become very careful when it comes to centering your identity around a negative, and the communities that result. Of course it can be done right, if I didn't believe in that I wouldn't be here. But my friend is admiring and studying their problem, instead of looking for a way out.

They're catastrophizing their situation. They go deeper and deeper into that mindset, pushing away friends who don't agree or understand, because how would you ever understand having a problem as affecting when your life is going meh/okay?

I wasn't going the same trajectory, but at some point my mindset and my perception of the world where as fucked up as theirs. Like a ship with navigation and sensors shot to hell, drifting slowly to that black hole.

Fuck, but I got out. Am I ever thankful. Mostly to myself, because along the way I kind of constructed a working approximation of self-worth. (Kidding, I can be as full of myself as the next guy and his mum combined. But you get the idea.)

 

Me too. I've attended groups for shy people, singles, and even one for Nice Guys recently. The thing is, the kinds of people that attend these are not the kinds of people I want to spend my time with. It just feels like a group wallowing in collective self-pity - yes, there's empathy, but no action.

 

Mh, I had a rather excessive party two weeks ago with weed, alcohol and cigarettes. I had a blast, but I've fucked up my brain quite hard in the process. Had some porn relapses and gargantuan netflix binges. At least smoking and booze haven't caught on. Trying to cool my stimuli-horny brain down today, but it will take a longe while till I'm back to where I was. Do what you want and then pay the price, as Moiraine would say.

Ach je.