I can really relate with what you write here. There are just mechanisms and dynamics and prickly relationships. There are no guilty people, no one person responsible for our suffering. Our own lives become an expression of the suffering around us. But that is only a part of us, it isn't the whole picture. We grew up around people who didn't know how to resolve, or weren't willing to, confront their own suffering, and in families, if it doesn't work horizontally it doesn't work vertically. Families pass the bomb down, and eventually one child may explode. That child is lucky, the explosion needs to happen, but probably nobody will understand and they will think that child is sick and needs help. But that child is a real expression of life. Sometimes it can feel that one person carries the burdens of an entire family, or at least feels the effects more accutely, and this child can save the family, but it must first save itself. Pain is a gift. Crazy thing is it is almost impossible to see the suffering of others whilest we are so caught up in our own, yet it is there clear as day. If we observe our history, it is only after time has passed that we recognise its characteristics and limitations, but while we are in it, it feels like that condition is the only possibility, and that within this state everything is already contained. Understandably, we only know that identity, and have only had the opportunity to experience it as beneficial for our life, despite the problems and negative consequences. Everyone, in different ways, already has a wholeness from where to begin a journey of change, a state which they consider to be the only possible way of living. Every new dynamic, before it presents itself as a good opportunity, has to take into account that a person already has a fairly satisfactory identity, and that is part of a life that appears happy, fulfilled, and the only possible way of being. The person already has a way of being that needs to be respected, even if it appears to be outwardly negative, unacceptable, unsustainable and a cause of suffering. He who wants to take himself or others through a transformative stage to a new phase of life, must begin with the understanding that there is already an identity that meets their needs; that there is a sacred territory which needs to be respected, honoured and fed, even if it does not correspond to the model that we would like to have for ourselves in the future.