Asian BDSM - the black hole

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by ItIsTime12345, Aug 23, 2020.

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Are ethnicity filters on dating apps racists?

Poll closed Sep 13, 2020.
  1. Yes

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  2. No

    4 vote(s)
    100.0%
  1. ItIsTime12345

    ItIsTime12345 New Member

    Hi everyone.

    A little background on me first. I am 34, 5'4, white guy who has a pretty unhealthy relationship with Asian BDSM gay porn. Although I am able to work in my job, the moment I finish, my mind starts to wonder towards what videos I can watch and what people I can meet from Twitter, Recon.com, or Fetlife.com

    It all began 22 years ago when I started to really explore the depths of Al Gore's new internet. I was really interested in reading different ways to MO. The new techniques really opened my mind to the world of pleasure for the first time. However, when I stumbled upon how one women started to torture her "sub" by dripping hot wax on him, I was amazed. After deleting my search history so my 7 brothers and sisters would not see, I tried it. That clinched my obsession with BDSM.

    The problem...wax is messy and, for some reason, I always preferred watching the sub guy more than the woman. So, my next step was to find out if there were any guy Doms. Looking back, this seems like a silly question. Of course there were Dom guys. Dozens,hundreds, thousands, of them across the globe.

    Now that I found out about Dom guys, we started to talk in chat rooms and that is where the real pleasure began. I could not believe the videos I would receive and the amount of information I was looking at day in and day out. All I cared about was PMO. I was a pretty horny guy back then too, so it was pretty easy to get lost in this world for hours, while trying my best to hide my actions as "studying" or "working".

    The big shift for me came in college when the free pron on Xtube became available. This turned my obsession into a new daily routine. I would be focused on searching out new and exciting poses for sub guys across the platforms. Around this time, I also moved away from my little town to the big city in DC. What a difference this made on me sexually. I finally realized that it's not just the videos I liked to watch guys in, but I also wanted to try and date one too. After striking out multiple times, I finally landed a date with this really handsome Asian guy. Fate is funny my friends. He happened to be a member of this growing group on a fetish website. Young and impressionable, I went all in.

    The kinky times we had together cemented my obsession with having an Asian Dom guy involved at every moment of my life. I wanted to watch and experience Asian men being in charge sexually. It was such a turn on. PMO to this type of dynamic took over all of my free time. The BDSM became not just a kink but also a habit that I could not break. From 22-34, I have experienced all types of PMO to Asian men. However, nothing was more detrimental to my mental health than Twitter. This advance in technology was the downfall of me. Hours seemed liked minutes, and all I needed to access a treasure trove of Dom Asian men was a #.

    Hopefully this intro gives you the impression that I need a break. I have spent an inordinate amount of time searching the web. I have come across the strange and beautiful. I have experienced extreme pain and extreme pleasure. However, what has PMO done to benefit my life? What has the kink world done to benefit my life? These are questions I want to explore a bit more.

    If you have made it this far, congrats! I hope to lay out some of the real peaks and troughs that have compelled me to reevaluate my relationship with PMO and the kink community. Any help or encouragement along the way would be greatly appreciated.

    Stay healthy
     
    niskanen91 and prakash like this.
  2. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    @ItIsTime12345

    Thanks for being so open and sharing your story. Looking forward to hearing about your journey and what you will experience along the way. Wishing you all the best with recovery!

    Take care
     
  3. ItIsTime12345

    ItIsTime12345 New Member

    Hi @NewStart19 . Means a lot. One day down and no MPO!

    Today is a new day with new possibilities. I woke up with a foggy mind and a headache, which I am attributing withdrawal from screen time. It's also kinda ironic that when I opened the curtains, there was a dense fog too. My motto today is, cut through the fog and live a meaningful life.

    Meaningful is an interesting topic for me because that was at the core of most Dom/sub or Master/slave relationships I would encounter. The Doms/Masters tended to fall back on the phrase: "I give your life meaning", and proceed to either sexually humiliate or deprive the sub. This scene can be seen over and over again on xtube, and I was always eager to watch. However, this "meaning" the Doms/Masters argued does not give you a purpose in life. It is a means to a sexual stimulation outside of traditional sex. Although not bad in any way shape or form, it does distort reality. This distortion changes how we think and eventually overtakes the traditional relationship with sex. Sprinkle in hours of videos of P that recreate this scenario, and now your mind thinks and craves one thing. To satisfy your Dom/Master in the way that they want. A bit like brainwashing, no?

    However, what really gives people meaning in life?

    I do not claim to know the answer to this. One idea that I want to investigate is how people who struggle with PMO can exchange P for something else. Diet, exercise, or hobbies all seem to be what many blogs argue can replace PMO. Yet to what extent do these activities produce a meaningful life? Maybe they are just one of many factors that need to be addressed when trying to figure this out. Although I am not a religious person, I do think that some form of spirituality does give some semblance of direction to those who feel like they are needing a tool to help. A book that I found quite interesting was The Art of War or the Tao-te Ching. These texts provide ways to become stronger mentally.

    Could it be that those who suffer with PMO are in a battle for their mind?

    If so, we don't just need gym or hobbies. Maybe we need tools that equip our mind to make it stronger to fight off the temptation to PMO.
     
    positivef likes this.
  4. ItIsTime12345

    ItIsTime12345 New Member

    Wow, 4 days with no PMO. I am proud of myself for reaching this goal. I will send a more detailed update in the next day or two. However, I really like this momentum of not watching P. My mind is a little more clear and my motivation is a little more positive. Come on guys, let's keep the good vibes coming.
     
  5. prakash

    prakash New Member

    man keep up the good work if its possible to do 4 days 6 days is very near,8 days near...
     
    ItIsTime12345 likes this.
  6. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    @ItIsTime12345

    Hey, good luck on your journey.

    I have quick question. During the BDSM sessions were you aroused? Have you had an erection? What about vanilla encounters? Was there an erection, a little reaction or nothing at all?
     
  7. ItIsTime12345

    ItIsTime12345 New Member

    Hi niskanen91!

    During my BDSM sessions I was extremely aroused. One of the things that drew me to the fetish is that ability to give up control to someone else. That tied back into my PMO because I also loved seeing other guys tied up and objectified. The visual of it on P or the actual practice of it would turn me on so much that I needed more and more. That eventually led to experimenting with different aspects of BDSM too. Luckily I only spend around $700 on cashmasters. Nowadays, just random people are setting up twitter accounts and saying "Pay me" instead of actually going though the motions of what make this kink so attractive.

    As for vanilla encounters, it was a little more difficult. I absolutely remember closing my eyes during sex in order to get off thinking about the BDSM world. Eventually we talked about my kink and there was some understanding. However, vanilla sex was very hard to get an erection and maintain it!.

    The trick for me was lots and lots and lots of foreplay. If I was involved with someone in a vanilla relationship, I would start early on in the day sending sexy texts back and forth. Nothing crazy, but something like ..."I can't wait to come home and ripe those clothes off you". That would give me along time to get turned on throughout the day so when I would be at home, I was really ready to go.

    I would say that one of the reasons that I no longer appreciate the BDSM community is the inability to hold down one partner. Too many people are always looking for their next hot master or hot sub to abuse. It makes sense as that is how I basically operated with PMO.

    Hope I at least touched upon some aspects of your question.
     
    niskanen91 likes this.
  8. ItIsTime12345

    ItIsTime12345 New Member

    Thanks, man. I really appreciate it. Even as I got home today (which usually is my weak spot of PMO) I had no urges. I really want to make 6 and even 8 days a reality.
     
  9. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    @ItIsTime12345

    Hi, I think you explained it pretty well. Thank you.

    So to sum it up, regarding arousal only. With BDSM it was high, with vanilla it was low.
     
    ItIsTime12345 likes this.
  10. ItIsTime12345

    ItIsTime12345 New Member

    Today marks a big challenge...the weekend.

    What will my spare time consist of? Will I go back into my normal routine of finding some P that will prompt me to message an old contact...or will I focus on something else that pushed me forward in life?

    The part that makes this challenging is that I am really tired today. That tends to be a trigger of mine. I am thinking of going for a walk. Going to gym. Watching anime. Wish me luck!
     
  11. ItIsTime12345

    ItIsTime12345 New Member

    Part 1 of the weekend was successful, but it did not come without challenges.

    The main trigger for me is when I am tired. For some reason PMO is a relaxing routine that I can zone out to when I don't feel like doing anything. The trap is that the PMO cycle for me prevents me from going to bed and keeps me awake for hours. Therefore, I switched it up last night. I decided to actually close my eyes and try to rest when I was tired. Although I didn't fall asleep, when my buddy messaged me I was able to have a quick chat with him and ... I was awake ready to do something else.

    I didn't need hours of P to eventually O. I just needed to shut my eyes for a minute and regroup.

    Mood this weekend:
    - Fatigued after a long work week.
    - Motivated not to watch any P

    Overall, I really like how this forum forces me to hold myself accountable. Just by sending off a quick note out into the cyber-world.
     
  12. ItIsTime12345

    ItIsTime12345 New Member

    I really really want to give in today. The urges have been strong. As of now, it look s like this might be a losing battle. I will try to keep away from anything that might set me off...but man, this is intense.

    It's basically like one side of my head is urging me to go on...and my other head is nudging me to go go go.
    What makes it even worse is that an old "contact" reached out to me saying the exact right thing that turns me on. The world is cruel sometimes.
     
  13. ItIsTime12345

    ItIsTime12345 New Member

    Yesterday was a battle, but I came out with no PMO!!!

    The fact that certain habits have that much power over our lives is quite intense. I literally had to actively "fight" against my every desire to head to my favorite videos and waste the night away.

    Here was the trigger: doing nothing. It is as simple as that. I was trying to relax and do nothing after a busy week, however, the moment I let my guard down, the urges took over. I guess it isn't too hard to understand as the past 10 years the ways that I relaxed absolutely included PMO. So, my conclusion after my Saturday night battle is to try and relax by doing something.
     
  14. ItIsTime12345

    ItIsTime12345 New Member

    Today I was able to get through the day without any P! I made it though the first weekend!

    From what I read on this site, the real challenge is days 14-21...
     

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