Around and Around in Circles...

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by therealslimshady, Aug 25, 2012.

  1. Hi to all,

    I'm 32 and been masturbating at least once a day since I was 13. I'm absolutly bloody sick of this addiction. Slowly throughout my life i've managed to become hooked on various stimulants (alcohol, weed, cigarettes) and after much soul searching have kicked them and now have them in check (3 months no cigarettes now). But this masturbation addiction is the longest and the worst to kick. I now have K9, I don't have the password and nothing to encourage me to start again. I'm too shy to approach girls and cannot let anyone close to me because of rejections in my youth. I am working around these things but I believe that stopping PMO altogether will eventually solve my shyness, lack of confidence and will let me truly find myself.
    As well as stopping to Masturbate I am reading 'no more mr nice guy' the book as recommended to me by people on this site.
    I've gotta conquer this as it is the only thing holding me back now.

    With my History of PMO I have always bought magazines, DVDs and used the internet. I never got into really hardcore stuff but 2 weeks ago I got a new computer with a webcam. I'm now hopelessly stuck in this fapping game. I know I could so very very easily go down that route for months on end. If not years. I don't want to be like this anymore. I don't really feel shame or at least not conciously.

    I should finish this on a positive: Today I ran 4KM (2.5 miles). I have worked so hard to even hit 1km but 4 I am actually proud of myself. Now to - I hope - never Masturbate again

    Cheers
     
  2. hohuakiri

    hohuakiri Guest

    Re: I want my life back....

    Yep I know what you mean. Ive been having some really strange dreams since starting my reboot.

    Good luck with your reboot dude!
     
  3. Canada2012

    Canada2012 Active Member

    I suggest you write daily. It works with me ;)
     
  4. Hi therealslimshady, Apologies if this advice is unwanted. But I am both curious about your reasons, and eager to share what I have learned so far.

    I think quitting M is a fantastic goal. There are undeniable benefits to conserving 'sexual energy' - I speak from experience on this. But after 15 months of trying personally to quit P,M, and O at the same time, I really feel strongly that this approach is flawed for 99% of guys. I am convinced we need to take baby steps, and kick one bad habit/addiction at a time.

    Why not try kicking P first, and not worrying too much how often you MO? I really think that MO will be easier to curtail, and eventually cease, AFTER the porn habit has been kicked. I think it's a matter of prioritizing, and breaking the whole cluster of bad habits into manageable individual parts. It's your call.

    I am curious as to why you think quitting P,M, and O at the same time is the best strategy for you.
     
  5. Hi again therealslimshady, no worries do what you believe will work for you. All the best, and I'll keep an eye on your progress.
     
  6. Canada2012

    Canada2012 Active Member

    Txs a lot for sharing.

    First your post gave me an idea. Reading what you wrote, what another rebooter 'T' wrote, and what I go through, I wonder if it's not a good idea to break down this thing into all it's component addictions. I get what you talk about when you say you over sexualize everything. I also have this thing about looking at woman in the streets with porn-like thoughts. Now I realize how the days where I do that are those where I end up late at night in front on my computer miserably resisting the urge to PMO. Funny! As truettW says, we have to plan this out carefully, not to expose ourselves to temptations, since PMO has a way of wiggling it's way into any backdoor, no matter how small. I think I may set up different counters for myself now. Txs!

    Second, I enjoyed reading your story. I remember my day 2, boy was I miserable... a wreck! But I also remember how, with only 40 hours elapsed since porn, I was already feeling different. I had said 'STOP' and my mind was already reacting. I'm not saying this will be easy. In fact, you better expect major resistance ahead. But I'm on day 16 now and I want to let you know I had not broken the 14 days mark A SINGLE TIME in the past 10+ months of constant fighting.

    Third, I think it's great that you relate a bigger picture than simply *I drop porn*. I support the theory that PMO is always there to fill a void and that the way to freedom involves sticking our heads into that uncovered void and learning to deal with it. I suggest you place another counter for voyeurism, as this seems like an interlocked addiction. I would suggest you also take time to study the scope of that addiction: is it small? big? do you take risks? Is it more or less addictive than PMO?
     
  7. Hi again therealslimshady, watching your progress, it got me thinking about when my journey to quitting began 15 or so months ago. It was exactly as you are describing. I used to 'sexualize everything' too, as you put it. I would always be scanning for hotties, or something to arouse when out and about. And V was also a problem for me too at various low points. But being reminded of where I have come from, has made me aware of my progress to date. I say this to encourage you, not to brag. It DOES get easier! I find I can intercept thoughts much earlier nowadays, and if the fantasy has no basis in reality - if it's just a temporary meaningless thrill, I can switch it off pretty easily. That goes for perving too. Congrats on reaching 'flatline'. Milk it out for as long as you can, it is medicine. All the best.
     
  8. Hi slimshady, congrats on the improved self-image, and on making it another day PMO free. And yes totally know where you are coming from with watching your social side re-emerge. I guess it's like when you are learning to drive or similar, everything is kind of conscious at first but then becomes automatic. I still feel like this a lot, but am getting more natural with it month by month.
     
  9. Canada2012

    Canada2012 Active Member

    I think you are making a wise move to start this fight with all of your inter-related addictions. I think you'll get rid of the chaser effect, (which I suspect is one of the major reasons most guys around here relapse). Also, temptation is all around and if you sexualize everything, be aware most society are just ripe with that kind of shit (I'm from Canada). Today, I looked at youtube with my girlfriend. One click away from our clip was 3 pictures of hot chicks showing off their flat bellies and boobs in bikinis. I drove yesterday and counted two advertising panels showing full red parted lips and boobs covered only by a few words.

    A lot of people report how reduced social anxiety is rapidly reduced. You might be already experiencing some of the *good stuff*. You could also see it as simply the *old you* coming out; the one who hidden all these years behind the wall of shame ;)

    You will make it to day 7. Just wait and stay on your guards!
     
  10. Glad to see you are forging ahead! keep it up mate, will keep checking on you!
     
  11. Well done, you're doing great! A week already!

    I know what you mean about keeping it simple. The dating game can complicate things in the early stages of reboot. The frustrations of dating have been a cause of relapse for me on more than one occasion. :)

    Glad to hear you are in a good place.
     
  12. Canada2012

    Canada2012 Active Member

    Good job man! Keep it up!

    I wonder if you're trying to stop other addictions at the same time? Like alcohol, drugs or smoke? Or is it just PMO? Or, other unmentioned addictions? I believe any one addiction is very, well, addictive; so stopping many at once is a major feat and requires massive energy.

    Also, it's good that you share the good parts as well as the bad. For one, it helps me see where you're coming from and what's your goals. For two, I'm sure it helps others who plan on starting, or struggle with, rebooting.

    I agree with Mr.Burrows. The dating and flirting is something that should be approached with caution at first. I really have no clue where you're at, but I suggest you take time to find yourself and build the inner calm.

    That told. Looking forward to see you break this old bastard called PMO and rise to day 10!
    Best
     
  13. Awesome!! keep it up! 8)

    I get a 3rd/4th day bad mood, very irritable.
     
  14. Canada2012

    Canada2012 Active Member

    Thanks for keeping us posted RSS.

    I follow your daily battles and appreciate your reflexions. I am myself in a tough spot where I seem to regress even though I'm 25 days in rebooting. I'm not happy you're struggling, but I'm happy to see I'm not all alone.

    I get the feeling you're one of the deep rebooters. By that, I mean one of those who tries to kick PMO not only for the benefits, but as part of the quest for a truly satisfying lifestyle.

    I think you have great battles ahead. Your multiple addictions suggest an addictive personality, which makes victory more tricky. I also have multiple addictions and, as such, I know how they can tag-team me for extra damage when I'm down. That said, the final issue remains whatever you want. If you want it all, you can get it all. Just remain on your toes for those sneaky punches and give it the right amount of time.

    I hope I convey a positive feeling. I'm on your side! Keep up the fight!
     
  15. sickbump

    sickbump Member

    I've just finished reading through your diary, RSS. Thank you for openly sharing your struggles and VICTORIES with us. You are doing great, and I'm looking forward to follow your diary.
    I can sympathize with a lot of things that you struggle against. For example, not being able to control your meetings with women. Whenever I meet a ladyfreiend, there always comes a point when I botch up, and go pervy on her. I have now managed to keep these in line.
    As for voyeur, it was actually a step up for me, because I was so afraid of women, I never dared to do that. But after starting no-PMO, I gained confidence enough, to dare stare. And, of course, that led to my demise. It's good to see, that you are successfully resisting this urge too.
    Keep strong!
     
  16. TwentyTwo

    TwentyTwo New Member

    Hey Slim

    12 days is good, keep it going man. It feels like it would be easy to go back to old ways - but actually it requires more effort and pain than just carrying on the way you are.

    You've been strong enough to make it this far and you want to make the change for good, good for you. Stay strong.
     
  17. so true.. so true..
     
  18. Canada2012

    Canada2012 Active Member

    Txs for your support as well RSS

    I would like to say two things: I don't want to pressure myself with the possible consequences of PMO again. If ever I happen to do it again, I will simply start over. Moreover, I will certainly not start from scratch, just as none of us do when we relapse. The road is winding but the destination is unique. The other thing: I don't plan to pmo. Not today, not tomorrow and, God bless, never ever again.

    I congratulate you on day 12 of no pmo. I think the rest is static right now. The mood swings and the perceptions of yourself as socially inept are simply lies your brain throws at you. The comfort food is a normal reaction of your body when facing withdrawal. We all do it. I hate missed appointments as well. I hate them because I have such a hard time being on time. That's one of the central issue in my life that I have been covering with PMO: being fully responsible.

    As for the talkative lady, I personally would have (politely) told her to buzz off, like: "Thanks a lot for your kind offer but I really don't feel like talking right now". No harm done and you keep your energy.

    Best
     
  19. Lol, funny situation mate. Have been there myself. Although after watching the film 'Yes man' I tend to welcome unexpected situations more. I know it's just a cheesy film, but perhaps there's a good message behind it. You never know where things could lead...she could have a hot daughter! lol ;D
     
  20. Well done slimshady, nearly 2 weeks! take a look at my 15 month graph if you want to know what a relapse can mean. :eek: Not worth losing the momentum you have now if possible. Soldier on mate, in one go I say!

    P.S. I would hope the daughter is not like the mother, based on your description of her. lol
     

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