Approach Counter: 100 Women

Discussion in 'Social Advice' started by ClimbXR, Jun 19, 2018.

  1. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    I'm starting a new thread about approaching random girls at events and during my daily activities. It would be interesting to keep track and see how I do while I'm working on my recovery. I spoke with a successful "player" type guy years ago, and he said something so simple. He said "You don't really talk to that many woman, start keeping track and you'll realize that you stack your own odds against you." He probably had a point, and most of it has to do with anxiety and fear of rejection. A lot of us have this as a direct symptom of PMO.

    It would be interesting to document my next 100 approaches and see how they go. I have no intention of asking them out on dates or hitting on them. Just engaging in some banter, hopefully making them smile.

    Hopefully you guys can get some advice and also provide some witty commentary.

    I'll try to be realistic and aim for 1 new woman a day. I'll also keep a spreadsheet that I will analyze and tabulate later once the 100 days are up!
  2. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    I have been at home and around my neighborhood and there have been no girls my age to talk to! I'll be venturing to the city soon every day where there are more people in my age group. Going to try to some events as well where there will be tons of people. This might take more than 100 days but the goal is if there's is a girl around my age in sight, I talk to her no matter what.
  3. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    rooting for you bro. Great idea. I may try something similar in future but not now.
  4. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    First approach is the hardest!after that itll get easier. Interested to see if you can do the first
  5. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    6/23 Approach 0: A neighbor I see occasionally who is around my age.

    I saw her at the coffee shop. I said hi to her and she actually wanted to speak with me about some community issues. So this one doesn't count as approach 1.

    We had a fairly long conversation, probably 10-15 minutes. I was thinking about how I could have been a little bit more reassuring about certain things. Something to think about in more real approaches with people I don't know at all.
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2018
  6. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    6/24 Approach 1: Supermarket girl.

    I was in the supermarket and there was this super cute dark haired girl in a sundress looking at the Avocados for way too long. So I told her there's a secret to see if they are ripe by "pressing the button." She smiled and we had a little chat about how pricey they have become in our neighborhood. She smelled wonderful and as we were talking she seemed to be inching towards me. By the end of the conversation I learned she had a husband and a little kid. But she was so flirty and incredibly fit and good looking. I'd say she was around 35 but looked incredibly fresh. Not a lot of makeup. It was a fun approach!
    mereal, NewTerritories and cjm like this.
  7. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    Well hard part is over. Do that again everyday
  8. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    I've been stuck at home working on a project and couldn't go out past few days. Hopefully next week I can figure out a way to be out and about to do my other 99 approaches. I definitely haven't given up and will continue documenting in the weeks to come!
  9. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    Once again it's Sunday and stuck at home because of project and heat wave. I will continue to document every approach and encounter. Hopefully going forward I might do more than one approach a day when I'm out and about.
  10. Living

    Living Active Member

    Exposure therapy done well is a great way to deal with anxiety. I have done similar things that weren't focused on women but on people in general and it worked really well for me. I'm a lot less anxious in approaching strangers in public. Not saying the anxiety is all gone, but it made a very noticable difference. The thing you describe kind of reminds me of a story by Albert Ellis, one of the founders of cognitive behavioural therapy. I thought it would probably be somewhere online, so I googled "Albert Ellis girls":) Here you go:

    I think there are a couple of things that might help you a bit:

    1. Plan. Your original plan was to approach one woman a day and now, two weeks later, you approached exactly one woman. So that's not according to plan:) I see you mentioned some reasons why you did not do this, but to make this work you really need to plan this and be specific about it. Work with SMART criteria if that's what it takes. Especially the first few times reserving some time in your agenda can really help you to get this going. What I would do for example is I would hit the town for an afternoon, had some things planned and combined one or two exposures with that. Like, I planned to ask a stranger directions to the library.

    2. If you are uncomfortable with this start with easy targets. There are people that are payed to serve you, make use of that:) If you need to buy some clothing, go to a store, pick some stuff you like and ask a saleswoman if it looks well and if she has any advice. Have a little chat with her, nothing too fancy. Besides talking to a woman you will probably get the bonus of going home with clothes that look better on you than the once you picked yourself. And that's just an example. If you start looking for it there are tons of options.

    3. Don't limit yourself too much. You said you are not going to use this to hit on girls or getting a date, then why limit yourself to woman your own age? In the end getting a date is probably your goal (and that's a good thing), but at this stage just focus on becoming more comfortable with approaching women in general. Like Ellis the task is to "set out to approach females! Young, old, tall, short, all of them!" This means you will have more options (instead of one in two weeks) and it will increase your social skills with women in general.

    Good luck! Hope you do well.
    mereal likes this.
  11. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    Thanks, @Living. These are great tips and I will use them. I definitely am not smooth when I talk to strangers (particularly women). I'm not sure if I have full blown anxiety, but something is there. I'm good with people I know, but I want to be able to break the ice with anyone first time, easily.

    Baristas and salespeople are great practice, as they are trained to be friendly.

    But I want to focus on complete strangers who have no obligation to talk to me to see their reactions. I'm planning 3 weekly events to go to where I will be with many strangers. I totally agree with exposure therapy!

  12. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    I can report I had 6 micro encounters with service workers which were really boring. We spoke about food, the weather or items of clothing they were wearing. Every encounter got cut short because it was crowded. So I decided not to document them because they were truly short and boring. The beauty of service workers is that they have no choice but to respond. Some are more friendly than others and over the years I've even made friends with some Baristas. Going forward, I'd like ever encounter to be on the longer side so I can document the conversation and test out lines. So, just saying that I am still on this thread. Expect to see more detailed reports for Approach #7 to Approach #100.

    **Side note: Years ago, I went on a really weird "date" with a girl who worked at sandwich shop. She looked like a heroin addict--rail thin and ghostly looking, but she was super talkative, friendly, and had insanely perfect teeth (maybe dentures) . It's an encounter I tried to forget about because it was really weird. (we went to a burger joint and drove around listening to rap music). She then said she was seeing someone and for me to not contact her ever again. She came from a religious family and spent time as a missionary in Guadalajara where her roommates head got chopped off. **
    cjm and Living like this.
  13. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    Approach # 7

    So this isn't exactly an approach but more like an attack. Let me reframe, I was the one who was attacked. A girl with an English bulldog was crossing my path this morning. Suddenly the dog got very angry and started growling. Not sure why, most dogs like me. But this one was straight up gangster. It lunched at my crotch, and I was carrying a full cup of coffee from Starbucks. I squeezed the cup too hard and the lid popped off, and I poured the hot coffee all over the dog. The animal got disoriented and calmed down. It got a nip above my knee and I drew a little blood. The girl was extremely apologetic and assured me the dog has all its shots, etc. She tied it to a post and offered to get me another coffee. It was then I noticed how insanely hot she was. It was a humid day and she was wearing booty shorts and a tank top. Really hot body and her face was cute too, but she had these big sunglasses on. So I told her that if she wasn't so good looking I'd probably scold her. We had a good laugh and she bought me a coffee. I told her that it's a bad reflection on her character as an owner to not be able to manage her pet. She said the dog has some aggressive tendencies because its previous bearded owner beat it. Because I have a beard, she thinks the dog got fearful vibes. Of course, she dropped in a line about her boyfriend. When I got home I started googling about rabies and tetanus. Decided not to go to the doctor. But this was a pretty exciting approach regardless!
    spoofy, Living and cjm like this.
  14. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    :) :)
  15. spoofy

    spoofy Active Member

    In on legendary thread
  16. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    Approach # 8

    So yesterday I had an interview but arrived an hour early because of my train into the city. I spent some time in an adjacent office building that had a public space. I decided to go to the top floor to check out a fitness club. Of course, i was not given a tour. They were all about convincing me to pay for a package. It's one of those super elitist snobby fitness places only for millionaires.

    Anyways, I left. But a girl joined me in the elevator, a little disoriented. She was holding her phone, summoning an uber. She was tall,glasses, kind of nerdy but in this interesting plaid burberry getup. Overall fresh looking and it just seemed that naked she'd look really hot. We took the elevator downstairs together, to the lobby. For some reason, the elevator stopped prematurely on the 3rd floor and she darted out thinking it was the lobby. It was pretty funny because the floor was really sinister looking with black granite tile wall and gold lettering. Kind of reminded me of a funeral home for the elite.

    She did a 180 degree turn and went back in.

    "Oops, wrong floor, " she said.
    "But it's so nice there though," I responded.

    She laughed pretty hard.

    I kept thinking how to follow up, but I kept looking at her smiling. I guess I just need to practice.

    But a true win when you can get someone to laugh like that!
    mereal and Londoner like this.
  17. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    Well good and of course you can count that a success but i come here to read most bonzoi stuff. Your thread is great and idea behind it really uplifting. If you can really "open up" the conversations, do so. That way you get better and us uplifted :D
    ClimbXR likes this.
  18. ClimbXR

    ClimbXR Active Member

    Approach # 9

    Today was weird. I was waiting for the train and there was this girl in one of those really tight wrap dresses. Her body wasn't anything special (standard yoga fit american minimal curves) but she was thin and had nice skin and overall she looked very fresh and young. Her face was pretty cute too, but she seemed to be very snobby, kind of like resting bitch face. I checked her out for a while and she returned glances that seemed she was irritated I was looking at her.

    These days, with the whole politically correct culture, a lot guys are scared to check out a woman or stare a bit because it makes them look like slobs and pigs. I decided to stop caring. I really just wanted to appreciate her female physicality. But definitely I didn't intend to be a creep.

    I started thinking she was going to be my next approach. But she put her cell phone to her head and started blabbing away. The train came and we ended up standing across from each other because it was rush hour.

    When the conductor came to get tickets, she had trouble using the e-ticket app so I showed her how to do it. Afterwards I broke the ice by making a joke about how these apps will be "hackable" one day and everyone will ride for free. She made a forced smile and didn't seem to want to talk anymore. And I didn't want to be too creepy after all that staring earlier. After a few minutes I thought it was all over. But suddenly her cell phone just fell on the floor.
    I picked it up and said "that was all because of hackers" She laughed for real this time, and thanked me. We had a weird conversation about phone cases (which is a great example of how small talk works to disarm people). The more we talked, the more flirty she became. She lives a few blocks from me so we exchanged numbers. I was thinking about asking her out on a date but I just froze. She's interested so I'll set something up for the weekend!

    Success. Kinda :)
    mereal, cjm, spoofy and 1 other person like this.
  19. Londoner

    Londoner Active Member

    Great thread - following now!
  20. kopp

    kopp Member

    Love this thread, please keep writing :)

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