Anyone else not have urges, but just boredom?

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Kuhn, May 25, 2022.

  1. Kuhn

    Kuhn Member

    My main problem aren't urges to watch P anymore. I think I mentally already stored P away in a ''dirty, lame'' closet years ago. When I went to P, I would do so because of two big reasons: the easy availability of it, and to distract myself. the main things i wanted to distract myself from with P are:
    - from boredom, a cheap thrill ride.
    - from lonely feelings: tfw no gf might ring a bell for some of you
    - sexual dissatisfaction: without P or a relationship, nothing on the sexual side ever really happens in your life, which can get really frustrating.

    when it comes to approaching girls, i feel like i just freeze in the moment. a huge wave of stress engulfs me. It's like i just can't feel comfortable in any way doing that, and it probably shows. I am anxious that my Asperger's incapacitates me from approaching, although I logically do know that i'm probably exaggerating.

    well thanks for peering into my abyss, feel free to unload your thoughts unto me as well.
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2022
  2. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    I realised after a while that I was going through the motions of watching P without any urges at all. Like, I was opening a browser saying to myself, "why am I doing this?" But I would still go along with it. I think a big part of it was muscle memory. I had trained myself that that was acceptable behaviour so rather than dealing with life I would fall into the same track without urges, without even thinking about it. And then feel like "king of the dicks" afterward of course. It never feels great after you've wasted time on P.

    What broke that cycle was 1) working on thought patterns through extensive journalling, identifying triggers, establishing what I want out of life and the better way to get there, etc etc and 2) blockers. I loaded my machine with different blockers, router level, OS level, browser level. It is possible to get around it but it gave me time to break out of that muscle memory routine and choose a better course of action for the day.

    Strength with approaching the girls. I'm no expert here, except maybe to say a couple of suggestions. Work on being the best version of you, girls like someone who is relatively together and fairly confident in their own skin. It might appeal to you to treat it like a numbers game. If you can be the best friendly winsome version of yourself to enough girls the odds will eventually stack up in your favour. So maybe work on putting yourself out there approaching one girl a month or five girls a month or whatever and just go for it. Journal about what you can expect when approaching a girl: "I'm going to feel nervous, but I'm just going to go for it, and if I feel rejection I'm just going to get a coffee or a beer or whatever after, chalk it up to experience and reward myself for having a go."

    But what I am convinced of, is the above advice relating to getting past the P use, urges or no urges.
     
    Polsk, -Luke- and Kuhn like this.
  3. Kuhn

    Kuhn Member

    very good points. as a short temporary note, i also use blockers (cold turkey, changed DNS server on the router) and that really does work. the hardest part is letting go of a smartphone, for obvious reasons. but only since i have made that decision, do i feel that i actually have a serious shot at 90 clean days.
     
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  4. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    It sometimes feels like some sort of Pawlow dog conditioning. The boredom -> porn (or loneliness -> porn, stress -> porn,...) response has been repeated over so many years or decades that sometimes you don't even really feel a conscious desire anymore. You just do it. Especially when you're already on a computer or phone.
     
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