Any celibate men here?

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Striveforpurity, Jul 16, 2015.

  1. Striveforpurity

    Striveforpurity All praise and glory to our Lord Jesus Christ.

    Just curious how many men (if any) are celibate? This means no sex/masturbation or porn.

    I want to be celibate in life until I am able to marry a woman but I struggle with porn-addiction and it is preventing me from being celibate.
     
  2. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    I am rebooting hard more, without any relapse for about 3 weeks, and no involvement with a girl, so me!

    And I'll remain single until I am emotionally mature enough so I don't fall into a codependent relationship. This shit is as bad as a porn addiction. Otherwise I don't care much about marriage - it's just a piece of paper and a status -, the real commitment is sharing a house and especially having kids.
     
  3. Striveforpurity

    Striveforpurity All praise and glory to our Lord Jesus Christ.

    IMO unless you are willing to have that piece of paper then you are not showing any real commitment to that woman. I know "cohabitating" is the new norm but that's not how it's supposed to be. I also think children have a better chance in life when they are not born as bastards.
     
  4. Panonymos

    Panonymos Humility is a virtue

    Striveforpurity, you are off topic in your own thread.
     
  5. Choice-R-Us

    Choice-R-Us New Member

    Regarding marriage, divorce rates give me too much cognitive dissonance to say "I do". Doesn't mean I can't share my whole life with a partner.

    And no, I'm not celibate at all. Good luck with resolving the massive conflicts between your sexuality and your oppressive religion.
     
  6. Striveforpurity

    Striveforpurity All praise and glory to our Lord Jesus Christ.

    I would have to disagree with that. The studies that have been done show that cohabiting couples are more likely to split.
     
  7. Choice-R-Us

    Choice-R-Us New Member

    That is not the point. The point is, that marriage and monogamous behavior for decades does not appear to be hardwired into humans, thus the extremely high divorce rates in western society once partners are no longer dependent on each other for survival and security. Therefore it is imo unreasonable to hold marriage as the one golden standard of partnerships.
     
  8. Dazed and Confused

    Dazed and Confused New Member

    The ONLY reason "bastards" would have a worse life than the children of married couples (if all other things are equal ofc - love and stability) is because of people who think like you. In modern times, when so many people get divorced, marriage has no meaning. Your love doesn't need "a piece of paper" to be stronger or better. The only reason I'd get married is if I wanted the legal rights that come with marriage (but since the rights of cohabiting couples or w/e they are called are almost the same, even that reason flies out the window) or if my future gf needed it to assure her that I'm willing to settle down. Studies have shown,... yes but as Mark Twain said- there are 3 types of lies - lies, damned lies and statistics. Have they taken into account how happy their are, do married women stay in dysfunctional marriages only because they take it so serious (religion plays a role), how many people are married but cheat (while cohabiting couples would split a little easier), .... ?

    Anyway till yesterday I was still on the fence about hardmode, but after a recent faux pas with a girl I liked, I decided I'll be celibate till I get myself sorted out, let's just hope it's not years and years (which it might be).
     
  9. Striveforpurity

    Striveforpurity All praise and glory to our Lord Jesus Christ.

    It being hardwired is irrelevant because its God's standard and He considers ANY sexual activity outside of the marriage bed to be fornication.
     
  10. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    It's hard to say whether monogamous behaviours, even for life, is hardwired into humans or not. I think it depends a lot on the individual's philosophy (which largely depend on the societal culture). We're not hardwired to being hedonists, epicureans, stoics, buddhists, or any other philosophies - let alone talking about religions.

    And because our social values are biased towards short-term, effortless satisfaction of our selfish desires, it is only normal that we find higher and higher rates of divorces. Because instead of trying to better ourselves with a partner, we are like butterflies: when something goes wrong, instead of looking at the why with brutal honesty (the hard yet best thing to do), we change partners.

    Which comes down to the point in my initial point: I won't enter a relationship until I am emotionally mature. Emotional maturity doesn't come from a piece of paper, how we are hardwired or not. It comes either from a healthy childhood/early adulthood, or from some self-bettering over time. And the quality of a relationship largely depends on the emotional maturity of the partners - people who have been in a relationship while being PMO addicts probably know what I'm talking about here.

    Remember, this forum is secular. We're talking about the wellbeing of humans here, not God's will.
     
  11. Striveforpurity

    Striveforpurity All praise and glory to our Lord Jesus Christ.

    I strongly disagree with that. Marriage is far more than "just a piece of paper" it's a vow of commitment. This kind of love without commitment is more similar to lust than love as you want all the benefits of a woman without committing to her. Either way all the studies show that children do better being raised by married parents which does not surprise me one bit.

    God's will always has the best interests at heart for our wellbeing.
     
  12. mrlister

    mrlister New Member

    Catsontheinternet I don't agree. There are economical and emotional benefits even after decades...
    Just look at the most common reasons for divorce:
    1. (in my country) people (used to) get married mostly because of unplanned pregnancies. This is a reason why many married couples consist of two people who don't really share any common interests nor are emotionally compatible.
    Edit: this is very a good reason for not having premarital sex. You only procreate with somebody you want to bring up kids with.
    2. man looses job, wife starts to blame him for everything or similarly complicated financial situation
    3. infidelity
    4. alcohol, gambling, drugs and other additions

    I personally know five couples who got divorced and their main reasons behind it:
    3x alcohol, 1x really strange/complicated personality of a wife, 1x financially unsuccessful man
    Trust me, seeing my childhood friends' parents going through a divorce and emotional impact it had on these guys was an experience I will remember forever.

    The question is what positives does cohabiting get you?

    Disclaimer: I'm not motivated by religious motives.
     
  13. mrlister

    mrlister New Member

    I would suggest you to enter a relationship with an emotionally healthy/stable girl. I don't think you can fully "heal" yourself on your own. Falling in love can do wonders in terms of helping you get into better emotional state.
     
  14. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    You're right. However emotionally unstable people tend to attract more of the same.

    My "plan" really is this:
    1- Bettering myself
    2- When I find I'm stable enough on my own (not perfect, just 'good enough'), if I see an opportunity I'll take it
    3- My only hard criteria about her will be that she also is on a path of self-bettering. Otherwise, I don't see how she could be supportive, I wouldn't see the purpose of the relationship (because I'd have a hard time support her too), she would eventually drag me down - we just wouldn't be a good match for each other.

    Sure. All I'm saying is this: we're on a secular forum, so when you make a point, don't use God/God's will for it. I'm not saying God is wrong or anything like that; it's just not appropriate in this place.
     
  15. Striveforpurity

    Striveforpurity All praise and glory to our Lord Jesus Christ.

    So you want me to act out of character because this is a secular forum? I don't think that's going to work. I have freedom of speech here.
     
  16. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    If you are sure about the values you promote, then you should be able to defend it with logic/reason, without requiring "God" for it. If God's will makes sense, then say how it makes sense. The same idea can be expressed and defended in several different ways.

    So i'm neither asking you to act out of character, or depriving you from your freedom of speech. Just giving you a tips so what you say will be listened to more on this forum. Because just saying God this, God that, as you may have noticed, isn't contributing to the debate in any way.
     
  17. Dazed and Confused

    Dazed and Confused New Member

    As I said, you don't need to go to the government to make that commitment, and I'm not religious so I won't go before "god" and make it. Our love is between US (and any future kids), and I don't need a stamp to prove I love someone.
    No, it doesn't surprise me either, but you seem to be bad at recognizing nuance. Ofc married couples are ON AVERAGE better at raising kids. But that isn't the only reason - they are emotionally connected, stable,... . I'm rly curious, let me put before you 2 hypothetical situations. Do you rly think that if 2 people don't belong together and have a kid, that they would automatically be better parents if they marry? And second situation - 2 people are together for many years, are emotionally bonded, stable and go well together. Do you rly think the sole fact that they get married will change how they will parent their (future) child? If you rly do think that you live in a religious delusion.
     
  18. Panonymos

    Panonymos Humility is a virtue

    Being a character doesn't mean you have character..
     
  19. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Western societies push for a sex centered society. Sex is virtually meaningless at times and special at other times. This is the reason why you are a porn addict and why you think the way you do. When almost everything revolves around sex it is opening pandora's box. And, that is the reason for the high divorce rate. How can you possibly say unequivocally that because people act in a certain way under social pressure that it indicates a biological predisposition? It is this exact same society that makes you have cognitive dissonance. As a man it is not manly to be indecisive because that shows you cant lead and are worthless to a girl. Ultimately, it is when women start to trust their own masculinity than that of their partner which ends in divorce. This sex centered society has to change or else it will bet he exact same cycle over and over again.
     
  20. alphabetaomega001

    alphabetaomega001 "No. Edge Not. Fap. Or Fap Not. There is No Edge."

    I think indigenous cultures had it best. People had partners, had kids and the kids were raised by a loving community. There was not alot of conflict on the 'family matter' and everyone was a valuable member / child of the community, supported equally in their dreams and talents and perpetuated this 'community vibe' through the generations. In western society, well..... you know how it is :)
     

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