Any advice on moving on a day after a bad relapse? (5 times in 24 hr)

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by modestmouseradiohead, Sep 9, 2020.

  1. I just relapsed after 31 days. I feel so fucking destroyed right now. I have a problem with cuckold/femdom porn and I had been doing great up until a couple days ago when urges suddenly became very strong after seeing an accidental porn image of the femdom nature. After seeing that urges came back so strong. The entire time I thought to myself how much I fucking hate this and want to quit, I don't even enjoy the situations shown in these types of porn. I want nothing less than to see someone else with a girl I'd want. I actually only started watching cuck porn in the past year and have only seen it a handful of times, yet somehow my urges to watch it are incredibly strong. My theory is that every standard porn I watched was cuck porn inside my head because of the penis size ect, is there any truth to this theory? Today I had such strong urges, my heart was racing and I felt such a struggle to not watch it, I eventually caved and watched it and when I did, while I had a strong erection and quick orgasm, I felt no joy. I watched cuckold-adjacent porn videos and felt nothing but shame and intense anxiety. I feel so dead inside now and so ashamed. I feel horrible that I lost my streak and I have a big moment in my life coming up in less than 15 days, I wanted to have over 40 days but now I don't I want to fucking cry reading this. I hate this shit so much and I want to quit it, these genres of porn are not my fetish I hate them so much I need to feel normal again. I have thought about killing myself so much in the past week. I feel so demoralized that I have undone some progress I made rewiring my brain away from these genres of porn. I NEED my brain to rewire so badly, it's torture to have to walk down the street and every time I see an attractive woman my mind immediatly jumps to someone else fucking her I hate it so much and can't go on like this. I'm sorry if this post is completely rambling but I need help from people who have gone through anything similar to this. I hear that the best way to quit femdom type porn is not only not watching it but not thinking about the fetish or worrying about it, is there any truth to this?
  2. LycurgusTheLawgiver

    LycurgusTheLawgiver New Member

    Have you read this? -

    If you haven’t, please read it, and read it carefully. It explains literally everything you have just described. Knowledge is power, or at least I have found it to be so. I never would have imagined that understanding the science behind porn addiction and its host of unwelcome side-effects would ever be of any practical use at all. But until you understand exactly what is going on in your brain, and why, you are essentially going it blind.

    Secondly I would like to ask you, perhaps just rhetorically if you prefer, if you have anything going on in your life which you are passionate about? Do you have a deeply meaningful purpose for your life? I have found that if you have an empty and meaningless life, and porn is the way that your brain is used to coping with this and getting through the desolation that is your daily existence, then rebooting is not easy at all. I think to successfully give up porn its important to have a few intrinsically rewarding interests or aspirations, something healthy to focus on while your brain is rebooting. If you don’t feel that you have any such purpose, interests, or aspirations, you may find this website helpful in working things out and finding out what’s most important to you - Another member of this forum recommends asking yourself what you were interested in as a kid in order to find some ideas, so you may want to try this as well.

    The third thing I would recommend to you whilst rebooting is meditation, if you read the ‘Your Brain On Porn’ article that I posted above, you’ll see that it’s mentioned there. Meditation works to strengthen your brain’s capacity for impulse control, enabling you to better resist the urges to use porn when they come. It’s like a workout for your willpower.

    Hope this helps brother,
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2020
    modestmouseradiohead likes this.
  3. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    I have no experience with fendom porn but one thing that always helped me was thinking about what I could do to prevent the next relapse. I first would see my relapse as an opportunity to learn. Combined with a bit of fresh motivation from success stories and Youtube videos, this would allow me to mask my feelings of disappointment with excitement about my potential for the future. When reading the success stories I would pay attention in particular to any techniques that I could try to keep me on the wagon. By a few days of sobriety the emotional pain of the relapse would largely have been forgotten.

    Once you come up with one, I highly recommend writing down your refined strategy for the future. I personally keep mine in a mind map and review it every so often. This means that when the cravings bite, I have a working plan and I don't have to think about what to do. Its crucial because the thinking brain shuts down when the limbic brain system is active. I don't really have to view my mind map now because I have embedded in my brain my strategy through repeated action. I hope that this helps. :)
    realness likes this.
  4. TroyTempest

    TroyTempest New Member

    Hi Modestmouse.

    Is it a relapse or a slip? both are common in recovery. I know that when I beat up myself after a slip, relapse, whatever, I just setting myself up for another turn at the pig trough. It's a cliché, but get back on the horse and keep riding. It's a cliché, but what did you learn? You may have heard this before. Keep moving forward one day a time (one second at a time if the going gets rough)

    And did someone say cuckold/femdom (or is it findom)? All my "drugs of choice." I can only speak for myself on this, but I know that my low self esteem (reinforced by upbringing) is the reason I have indulged in these particular fetishes - not good enough to be a husband/boyfriend, being told what to do because I am pretty useless (femdom) and in the case of findom, spending thousands to be the center of attention for a few hours. I hate all the expressions and sayings in those fetishes. I pray for he women who prey on people like me who need help (and not their kind of parasitic help). What kind of people are they, if they know we are sick and still exploit our illnesses? As one of them told me, "if I don't someone else will." Ugh.

    Okay, enough of my victim mentality. It's not their fault. I take responsibility for my actions. As one of my shrinks said "the only person you can change is you. And that's the good news." I am working the change my brothers. I am working it.

    Thanks for reading, input welcome.
    realness likes this.

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