Anxiety out of control and seeking reassurance

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Crow442, Sep 16, 2022.

  1. Crow442

    Crow442 New Member

    Ok, so I started masturbating and watching porn since 2009, because of sadness, feeling worthless, depressed, and for a lot more, high school was hell, so I was using it for escaping, I've been addicted since then. I'm now 29 I'm not proud of myself, but it is so hard to quit. Life is so scary to me, everything seems so dark, dangerous, I am constantly scared at anything, and I don't even know why. I don't have a job either and I live with my parents, I got nothing to worry or be scared about, yet every day it's like I feel it could be my last. I just want you guys to know that I am working on projects so that one day I can work on my own, it's going great, I am not just sitting playing video games or being lazy, I am doing the best I can but I feel so alone and helpless, perhaps even hopeless...

    Can porn increase anxiety like this? I think of death every day, I fear of fucking my life up, I fear that I will die and regretting everything, I fear of not living to my fullest potential, dying alone, not having friends or be able to work at something that I enjoy to do. I feel lost, each time I quit for about 5 days I end up crying like I was a man in his period or something, I cry about my dogs who passed away, about my grandpas, my past, my friends I've lost, missing all the good moments I had playing video games but not being able to go back in those days, remembering when I was happy and living in the present moment, and so much more.

    Then my brains tells me that Nofap is a cult or it's just some people who are religious and they are just ashamed about themselves and that quitting gave them purpose, or quitting makes them think they become stronger with super powers. I go on YouTube and when I type Nofap those videos are just clickbaits, or content creator who are using Nofap to make money, they keep relapsing and promising to stop, and then they do another clickbait video...

    Then I relapse. Each time this is what happens.

    I don't know what to do...
     
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  2. seer

    seer New Member

    I used to be exactly where you are. I too started using p in 2009 and I'm now 27 - I still relapse on occasion and though I still have a great deal of work to do, my life has taken a 180 turn.

    I went from someone with anxiety which drove me to WANT hospitalisation. I was dry reaching, spinning, had insane brain fog, tremors which would last for hours and my brain was so sensitive to all input I had to wear sunglasses indoors. I woke up in hospital after swallowing half a bottle of lorazepam one night. I had complete PIED, literally a 0% erection when my girlfriend tried to jump on me at age 18. I couldn't make it through a day of high school without falling asleep. Now I'm living in a different country, training boxing, eating immensely healthier, I have a girlfriend of 3 years who I get hard for every time and I've opened her up to the idea of experiencing another Woman with me.

    I can tell you that porn is your enemy, but it's likely not your biggest enemy.

    What I can tell you is that most of the pain experienced as young Men is due to a severe environmental, evolutionary mismatch.

    I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm going to offer you some arguments and tell you how I responded to them.

    Mismatches. We used to hunt, fish, forage, fight, walk, court Women, build things and learn from our Fathers. That's all we did all day long.

    Now we are forced to sit in chairs for 9 hours a day, be drugged to hell if we (surprise) don't want to sit still, and this all happens at some bullshit 'educational' institution where teachers don't get payed enough which was founded on a system to churn out soldiers and factory workers. We are treated like a Pavlovian stimulus-response machine. Society hates when Men express aggression and shames us for feeling anger. We barely walk anywhere. Most of us don't have any real friends, we instead sit in front of a screen all day where e-friends exist and most of us COWER from Women. We don't use our hands like nature intended (our primary tool which afforded us to excel beyond all other species) and most of us are insanely distant from our Fathers, thanks to the industrial revolution. Instead of feeling the primacy of direct experience (immediate reward when landing a fish, hunting an animal, winning a fight, repairing our own house) we now experience a covert, underground 'reward', in the form of numbers on a screen in our bank account. No reward from actually catching a fish, just seeing numbers appear and disappear from your banking app and then some 2-day old fish magically lands on your plate at night.

    These are behavioural, environmental mismatches. This disregards imposed and chemical mismatches: microplastics in the water, vegetable and seed oils in our diet, fruit and vegetables lacking nutrients from growing in depleted soil (thanks to nitrogen fertilisers), cosmetic products (even basic soap) are full of oestrogen binders like phalates and BPA (btw 'BPA free' labels are usually a scam). We have blue light exposure during night hours which was once impossible. We eat grain-heavy, gluten-heavy diets and are faced with the additional problem of glyphosate and other poisons in our food.

    Given all of this. Is it any wonder most of us are fucked up? We did not evolve for any of this. Seriously, how is it possible to be happy or at peace with all of this? No wonder we're anxious and depressed. We'd have to be sociopaths not to be.

    There's no going back though.

    Short of a comet strike, mass war, or an actual deadly pandemic, there is no going back.

    If there's no going back what's the option?

    My response to this question was to do what my ancestors have always done. Adapt.

    I know I painted a very grim picture above and I did so with intention, but you have to understand what was required of your genetics to get you here, on this forum.. Periods of: endless blizzards, endless war, endless famine, being hunted by impossible beasts like the short-faced bear and saber-toothed tiger.

    You're not here by mistake. Your genes won, but now it's on you to keep winning.

    Let's make this slightly more clear. IMO, the key contrasts between now and the past are:

    1) Lack of social connection
    2) Lack of heroism (primarily from combat/hunting)
    3) Lack of Female connection
    4) Lack of a Father figure
    5) Chemical disruption (diet, plastics etc.)

    All I can tell you is what I did when I realised this contrast. I'm not going to tell you what to do for the simple fact that MENTAL PRESCRIPTIONS DON'T WORK. You have to be creative and persistent to figure out your own solutions to these problems.

    1) I started scrutinising any friendships I had and questioned if x person was a net positive in my life. I REALLY went out of my way to meet new people. I didn't have the courage to speak to people in the beginning. So whenever I had a base interaction opportunity I would take it and just press myself 1 step out of my comfort zone. For example, if I were to go and buy food, instead of using the self-service I would choose a checkout person and force myself to ask a question beyond "how are you?". I focused and watched how people would respond. When you put your focus on another human, seeing them calculate your question and calculate a response, noticing their nervousness or excitement, you really get pulled out of your head and become far less self-conscious. Half the people you interact with are going to be just as self-conscious as you are, studying them became my habit.

    2) I joined a martial arts gym. This is hands-down the best thing I have ever done for myself, ever. Far better than quitting P. It unlocks immense parts of your psyche. It's important to find a gym that isn't macho, it's important to find a gym where the coach encourages people to leave their ego at the door. I chose Boxing and sometimes I do BJJ.

    3) The primary thing that kept me away from P was getting a girlfriend. A large amount of my P use was simply because I wanted to be desired by Women and I wanted to have sex. Very simple. People who say things like "oh well, wanting to be wanted by Women is just a cope, if you were truly at peace with yourself you wouldn't need that". I think those people can go away and lie to themselves elsewhere. Little known fact, before the Buddha became an enlightened saint, he was first a Prince with infinite riches. Most people think they can overcome their worldly, primitive desires through meditation or whatever. This, in my perspective causes insane amounts of blow-back. This is something Nietzsche and countless others warned us about.

    I did have PIED in the beginning of the relationship, cialis and black maca did help. I was a virgin until I was about 23, HSIP for 8 years prior. I can confidentially say that rewiring was VERY important for me to achieve erections. The first 8 months of my relationship were completely P free, then the novelty wore off and I started using P intermittently again. It may require some to have casual or open relationships to keep the novelty up while you work your way to becoming P free. Many will not like what I'm saying here, but I believe it to be true and I can put forth a good argument for it.

    4) This is very case-by-case dependent. I had to start focusing on forgiving my father and imagining moulding myself into the father I wanted, to give that to my future children.

    5) This was a long journey. The 2 books I would recommend myself in hindsight, after reading a ton on the topic would be: 'Estrogeneration' by Dr. Anthony Jay and 'Nutrition and Physical Degeneration' by Weston A. Price. These two things I can make very strong arguments for too, my girlfriend recently finished her biology PhD and it represents a huge portion of our conversations.

    It sounds cliche as hell but having very clear, obvious and short-term goals helps. You have to be brutally honest with yourself, the book ''Existential Kink' by Carolyn Elliott' helped me tremendously. I gave up on 2, 3 and 5 year goals, they're far too abstract and nebulous for me. Instead, I wrote up on an A4 sheet of everything I wanted to accomplish within the next 6-12 months and I've put progress bars underneath each goal. For instance, I've just started learning the Rust programming language outside of work hours. I want to complete the Rust book within the next 12 months, my progress bar is divided into 8 sections and each sections represents 64-pages of progression. I also have +30kg Pushups as a goal, split into 6 sections, with each section representing 5kg of progress.

    Finally. As I said earlier, no prescription will work forever. Don't read my post and think 'I need to do what this guy did to find my success'. I believe it's crucial for one to write down, as often as they can, their own arguments for what they want.

    You can do it, you're ancestors didn't get you here by mistake.
     
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2022

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