Day zero here. It’s been day zero for about 2 months since I turned 40. I graduated now to this new thread group. I’m feeling a bit defeated, but determined to get back on the horse. I did this “40 days by 40” thing to jump start my next decade, made it 38 days without pmo, and felt invincible for a while. Big Stress hit me, and I crashed. I crashed pretty bad. I’ve been at zero ever sense, maybe 1 a couple times. It’s like the rut is so easy to stay in, so comfortable. Rising up feels good, but is so damn hard. I just haven’t had the strength to fight the cues. I’m so sad and lonely. I just want comfort. I know I sound weak, but it’s true. Divorce sucks, single parenting sucks, marriage to a psychopath sucks, pandemics suck, being fat sucks. How to turn this all around? I need to keep trying. I have to. I have to look at this opportunity as a gift, another chance to get it right. My life isn’t over. It’s just beginning. Chasing comfort has no end and achieves little. I will persevere through this adversity and rise up. I will find ways to fight the cues. I will not give in because giving in means giving myself away. Giving in means losing an opportunity for an authentic experience. I need to fully heal my brain. Be done with this. Be finished with pmo. It’s no way to live. It’s a kryptonite dressed in allure. It’s pain dressed in pleasure. It’s a sweet tasting evil poison. It’s hell on earth. It’s a loser cocktail. It’s the path to loserdom. It’s a short lived pleasure for a longliving pain. It ruins lives, potentials, innovations, creativity, love, care, sincerity, connection. All of it. All the best things in life, it kills it. The killer of prosperity. It keeps you in a state of slavery to an unending anti productive life wasting, time wasting practice. It’s the fuel to chase being a fat, useless loser. I will stop imbibing today. I quit for life. I’m done, as God as my witness, I’m done. time to live, time to be free, time to get in shape.