Another one for women, size vs performance..

Discussion in 'Women' started by Jaxon, Feb 4, 2014.

  1. Jaxon

    Jaxon New Member

    I am about 5'5" in length erect and unable to pleasure my wife during vaginal intercourse. Rather largely because of my (deceased) porn habit so I understand its going to take time to recover (30 days and counting). What I would like to know, my wife says she felt nothing but pain during intercourse because of the hymen not being broken?? from what i understand the doctors ive spoken to tell me its all in the mind and that my size/length is fine. Maybe i'm still not encountering rock hard erections to be able to penetrate her due to my porn habit.??. I still suffer from PE and im not sure how long it will take (recovering from 15 years) for me to become normal again :'(. I'm going to hit my 56 day goal after a month but the problem i may encounter even when i reach my goal is that i might still need more time to heal in order to be functioning well down there and with my wife.

    My wife and i have had a tumultuous past but we are working together and things are moving forward. I am convinced after a lot of reading/consulting that sex is what makes the relationship whole between husband and wife and that the only way the two can enjoy it is with their deep love for each other. Since I am in a sensitive stage of my marriage i am convinced it is in her mind- until we are both healed, only then can we perhaps have passionate and lasting sex. Yet she is firm its my size after her visit to a sexual health clinic. Please i am not after a debate on what women fantasize about- more rather after medical/professional advice/assistance IF anyone can provide it.

    Perhaps some of the females here have experienced what i am going through hence why i decided to start this thread.
  2. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    Five and one half inches is about normal. The average woman should be fine with that. Too much length and you can bruise the cervix, but that would probably require 7 - 8 inches at a minimum. Too short; from what I understand if there's enough to penetrate and stay connected that should do the job.

    If your wife has pain it could be endometriosis.
  3. zen_lioness

    zen_lioness Love will conquer all.

    Maybe it's the position. For a few years into our marriage I was only able to O if I was on top. My husband is 6 inches and pretty thick. Now if I O with him on top I just have to tilt my hips up. I don't think I will ever O doggy style. On the side is good as long as I do the work. Maybe look for advice from Tracey Cox the sex expert. She has many great books and a good website too.
  4. Jaxon

    Jaxon New Member

    i've tried missionary, cowboy, but still to no avail. My wife is adamant after visits to the sexual health clinic/gyno that its got to do with my size. I am adamant this is not the case and want to prove her wrong. Aghh its too painful to bear, this long recovery process and on top of that my wife remains certain its me. Help.
  5. nevergoodenough

    nevergoodenough New Member

    I really don't think pain during sex has much to do with the size of a guy. She could have several different medical issues. I'm by no means a doctor, though I play one on tv, ;) kidding, trying to lighten things up. and I think the same is true for orgasm too. I have been with guys in the past, before I met my husband of course, some quite large, others barely there, I never had an orgasm with a man until I met my husband. I think with a lot of women theres an emotional aspect to it. Could be the same with the pain, subconsciously she probably knew something was going on, you said you had a tumultuous relationship, so maybe neither of you were truly happy? I don't know, just throwing stuff out there. I guess I'd start with this healing process for both of you, work on a deep bond, if she still has pain maybe she should see a gyn
  6. life of wife

    life of wife Member

    In fairness Jaxon I would be astounded to find out the pain was from a hymen not being broken. The hymen in itself usually tears and separates just through growing up, tampons, physical activity and also its normally just a couple of centimeters into the vaginal cavity. Any pain felt by a woman during sex needs to be checked out. If its regular that is. During the stages of the month the cervix moves slightly forward this could easily be the discomfort felt by your wife. A change of position could help with this. And as a woman I would suspect this to be the case. And tbh not the best subject but even trapped wind can make it hurt :-[ If your wife suffers from heavy bleeding during menstruation and real bad stomach cramps then this could be a sign of something more i.e. PCOS or Endometriosis but then the symptoms from these conditions tend to be quite prevalent leading to the woman needing to make an appointment with a GP/Gynecologist.

    You have some issues in the marriage and to be honest with what your going through your wife may just well be looking for the simplest answer, and of course telling someone its about the size of their penis isn't very kind. I certainly wouldn't appreciate being told it was because of the size of my vagina that was causing the problems!!! Also bear in mind that your wife has taken a hit too with your porn addiction and she could just simply be hitting out to hurt you back. I can assure this this has been the most painful experience of my life! :'( I am at the stage now where I just cannot help but have a little dig here and there for the crap I have gone through in this marriage. Patience is the key, but one only has high reserve for ones that are deserving! Respect the same again!

    On another note when I 'O' with my husband its only the times when we are fully connected, that's not very often due to his porn habit! So sadly in the last few years I have had many quick 'wham bam thank you ma'am's,' in his hope that he is satisfying me. In turn, all this did was annoy me greatly. Not becuas ei didn't Orgasm but purely because it was as connected as a one night stand would be! If you succeed in your reboot the intimacy and connection becomes stronger instinctively which will go along way in healing the marriage. It certainly helped us when he did his first reboot!

    good luck on your journey
  7. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    I think that the emotional issues could play a very large role in all of this. In the last fifty years or so there has been a lot of advice about how to improve your sex life and, IMHO, most of it isn't worth the paper it's printed on. From personal experience I can tell you that sexual satisfaction is related to the health of the relationship. While I had porn problems this wasn't the only factor in my divorces and when the emotional connection deteriorated the sexual element took a turn for the worst immediately. My chronic masturbation was at the heart of the problems but once the relationship began to deteriorate our sex life plummeted.

    I would suggest continuing to work on your problem and things might get better with her problem. If she's experiencing pain she needs to see a Gyn and make sure that everything is ok but relationship issues could play a big role in this.
  8. Giavanna

    Giavanna Member

    I believe the pain may be emotional. She may still feel resentful, etc. The pain could be physical too, but she needs to get checked out for that.
    I don't believe your penis size has anything to do with it. I once had a relationship with a man who had a small penis, but he pleasured me with it. I had no complaints with him at all. What I had with him was an emotional connection, which turned me on and him too.
    From a woman's point of view, I can tell you that when a man lies, keeps lying, trust is broken and has to be resolved, in order to move forward in the relationship. When things go wrong in a relationship, women lose trust and hope in it. It affects the way they feel.
    I'm experiencing this same thing in my relationship. Even though I love my fiance, he has disappointed me time and time again. It's made me lose trust in him, lose hope in the relationship. I admit, I've built up a wall because of his PA. I'm trying to get back to trusting him again, but it will take time.
    Women are emotional creatures by nature. We want the fairytale. We want the prince, the hero, the romance, the emotional bond between a man and a woman. We need to feel like a woman. We need the emotional, not just the sexual. When the emotions are not there, sex just seems to feel like an act, and is disappointing.
    Struggling with J's PA has felt so bad at times, I can't tell you how bad. It's affected me at my very core, my self esteem, my femininity, my womanhood. I don't want to sound conceited or anything, but when you have men who would do just about anything, to be with you, and there's one man, who you love, who at times, seems like he's not even aroused or attracted to you, you start to feel very hopeless. No matter what you do, it's never enough. Sometimes you just want to give up.
    IMHO, I think that you need to show your love for your wife, in other ways, not just sexually. She needs to 'feel' your love for her. She needs to feel that she is special to you. When she starts to feel loved and starts to feel like a woman, she will make you feel more like a man. Do you know what I mean? Show the love, feel the love and the sexual excitement will return. You need to bond emotionally, first. Then everything else will fall into place. This is how I see it. I hope what I've said will help you in some way. Good luck.

  9. Jaxon

    Jaxon New Member

    To everyone who posted, thank you so much. Giavanna/Justawife I appreciate your kind words and I could really feel the pour of raw emotions in them, again thank you.

    The long road to recovery has begun and we are both committed, which is great. My wife did end up seeing an GYN and apparently i didn't penetrate the hymen completely hence it was still intact. Then i was told upon her visiting a sexologue (french for sexual health clinic) they told her maybe its the size. It does hurt to hear this sort of nonsense but i'm a stronger man than that and do not let it get to me, rather i choose to ignore it and get on with life. I know my wife hasn't been happy with me but we have been improving so i am a firm believer that with time it will get better so as long as we both stay committed.

    The journey continues.
  10. Jaxon

    Jaxon New Member

    LTE, i am feeling what you went through. Much respect.

    The travels go on..
  11. Jaxon

    Jaxon New Member

    So the formula is, after having a discussion with my doctor and responses from ybr, is- emotionally satisfied wife = good marriage.

    Unless someone else has something to share :)
  12. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    I think he's right. I'll offer one of my own: Good relationship = Satisfying sex.
  13. TheSupportiveWife

    TheSupportiveWife New Member

    I didn't read anyone's responses, just the OP...

    I had ALWAYS been a sexually frustrated woman, I NEVER achieved orgasm VIA "normal" intercourse UNLESS using a vibrator in addition. I always thought something was wrong with me, always hear about women having screaming orgasms ( and obviously its highly perpetuated in Porn ) so I thought WOW, I sure am messed up... it also impacted my husband, made him wonder what the deal was :( Turns out, this is VERY don't necessarily blame yourself right away !

    My husband researched the female G-spot ( NOT on Porn sites, actual educational sites, we even looked together ) he tried it out on me ( with his finger )... and HOLY S**T !!! The first night, I had 4 orgasms in a row...AND they are different than the clitoris ( SP? ) orgasms ( where once you're done, you're done ) the G-spot ones just make me want more and more... and more LOL !!!... this has helped my husband with his porn addiction.

    Edited to add: as a woman, it can't be IMO your hard erections... I'm SURE she enjoyed them before... there's something else going on, and it probably ISN'T physical...
  14. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    The screaming orgasms of porn are a source of real problems. I don't know how many people I've met that think they are cheated because their sex life doesn't measure up to the phony world of porn.
  15. TheSupportiveWife

    TheSupportiveWife New Member

    No $HIT !!! As a WOMAN they Gave ME performance anxiety too !!!
  16. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    Nothing in my life works the way things work in the movies, why should sex. I like the term "making love" because it focuses on the intimate aspects, not just the excitement. Porn has warped perceptions because, face it, run of the mill sex doesn't photograph all that well. A couple making love and facing one another don't display much for the camera to see except someone's backside humping away. Most pillow talk isn't all that exciting either, but then again, why should it be. Lovers are usually people we feel comfortable with and that we trust. Love making can be a lovely experience between intimate companions. That sort of thing isn't much good for porn but, then again, porn is not real.
  17. Jaxon

    Jaxon New Member

    LTE.. I'm starting to think pillow talk is unnecessary and not required. Rather it can hamper the mood if anything and completely kill the enjoyment together as a couple (speaking from first hand experience).

    Let me share though that even though last night i only lasted 20 seconds inside her, the foreplay beforehand was sublime and out of this world. i think we went for a good 20 minutes of foreplay before i got real excited and busted a nut. Then again that could just be my porn addiction still phasing out of me..

    As an update to my relationship i am talking less/doing more and my wife sees that and is slowly but surely coming back towards me.
  18. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    Especially in view of the fact that 5.5" is almost exactly the average size.
  19. larivere

    larivere New Member

    She is using that as an excuse and just trying to hurt you because of her anger. 5.5" is actually a little above average. Newest evidence is that embellishment is the norm. As a medical student... I saw a lot of penis... I would say the average is only a little over 5"... some smaller, some bigger... but Only 10% of men have a member above 7"... and the truth is.... I have never had a woman tell me that she can tell the difference between average and a little above average.

    She is angry... and reasonably so. You my friend have to just love her through this.. and know that your affection, kindness, patience and attention will heal all. When she sees that you really are changed... everything will be fine.
  20. TheSupportiveWife

    TheSupportiveWife New Member

    Width ?

    IMHO 8) Girth FARRRR outweighs length for my pleasure. And MANY gal pals I've spoken with feel the same ;)

    On a serious note, did it hurt her BEFORE all this came out ? or is this a problem that showed up recently ?

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