Another data point for over 50's.

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by WastedYouth, Apr 2, 2018.

  1. WastedYouth

    WastedYouth Member

    Well into a hard mode reboot after a couple of 30-odd day relapses last year. Usual porn story here starting in early teens with mags and VHS tapes at a friends place. Found out about PIED after broken dick with a random woman late 2017.
    Had successful PIV sex about 3 years ago while on vacation with my wife but our love life went downhill and I was really hooked on HSIP a couple of times a week from about age 40. No problem getting hard to porn. Fast forward to today and. I'm sticking with no PMO or MO. Feel like a beast when I see women but want to abstain for a while yet. Always had morning wood even at the start of my reboot but not gravity-defying boners which I put down to my age (54). Health is good and urologist says I am fine. Blood work is good and never been a smoker and occasional drinker though almost a teetotaller now. Doing some workouts and used to ride my bike to work but stopped due to what I read about saddle stress on dick nerves and such. I have to echo all the positives of a PMO free life. I think I can reasonably attribute my mediocre success in life to the one constant throughout my life being porn. I'm fit, tall and reasonably good looking and educated. Many lost opportunities in my life with women. I've been called a "model" by random young women in my recent travels overseas but always doubted myself like so many guys in our predicament probably have also done. I'm hopeful that rebooting will work for a geezer like me cos I love life but not myself and I know this is my main issue. Yeah, I concede that I was a selfish fuck to my family as I am now separated but I was not connecting with my wife for a long time.
    Anyway, I won't post often but will update any significant progress to this forum to maybe offer some hope to the older dudes suffering from this affliction if it resolves itself. I reckon I've got a long reboot ahead of me and maybe someone could comment on that based on my consistent MW since starting. Certainly not procrastinating like I used to pre-reboot and getting heaps done in my life. Love to know if there is any hope for someone my age from any successful senior folk (journal link is fine).
    Best.
     
  2. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    You sound like you have a lot going for you, not least of which is experience and perspective on life. You said you're separated. Do you foresee reconciling with your wife? Is that a goal, and if so what's your plan from getting from point A to point B? Wishing you all the best.
     
  3. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    During the early days of my journey here on YBR someone said something along the lines of "we have to love ourselves." On the surface I knew what that meant, like anyone, but when I thought about it I didn't have a clue. It's easy to say that we need self-love and would seem to be a no-brainer. If we don't love ourselves then who do we love?

    I wouldn't say that I love myself, even after two years of sobriety, but I definitely would say that I like myself a lot more. By moving slowly, taking care of the little things in my life, such as undone work around the house, I've begun to build myself up. After years of being a deceptive, manipulative, person, it takes time to morph into someone who allows their natural self to come to the fore. We aren't born to be full of guile, but we do end up there, because we simply don't have the tools to do otherwise. If being yourself isn't safe then you build a persona, which by definition is a lie.

    I would reconsider only stopping by here from time to time. Engaging in the community, imo, is essential.
     
  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I enjoy riding, too. I had brutal prostatitis at one point, which was brought on, imo, by constant fapping. I was loathe to ride my bike, but then found an awesome saddle. The Brooks Imperial has a cut out for your soft bits and is the best saddle for men of our age. I've now ridden thousands of miles on it and it never bothers my prostate. It's expensive but then you have it for life.
     
  5. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    I love bike riding also. The right saddle IS a game changer!!
     
  6. WastedYouth

    WastedYouth Member

    Thanks for the encouragement Squire. I don't foresee us getting back together. She has moved on and is seeing someone else AFAIK. We're on good terms post separation though - mainly for our kids sake.
    My plan is to stay the Nofap course for the rest of my life. It took the ED episode to convince me to change my ways. Mind you, PA might have been a contributing factor since I hooked up with this chick within a few hours of chatting with her and haven't seen her since. Definitely too old for that sort of thing I reckon but I am hopeful of a loving relationship one day as this lonely life is not much fun. I think the emotional connection is paramount and I can relate to the other fapstronauts regarding a more natural view of women when you abstain from PMO. Currently, I am avoiding advances from women in case I disappoint them and also kill my confidence further in the sack. It's hard cos some women are making it obvious that they are interested. Yeah, it's a tough life...
     
  7. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    It's awesome you have logged 66 days!

    I don't know if you're into any kind of volunteer work, but sometimes that can be a good way to meet people who care about the same sorts of things you do. And PMO is such an introspective problem, it's helpful to get our focus outside ourselves onto others.

    Congratulations on all the interest from women -- that must be great for the self-esteem!
     
  8. WastedYouth

    WastedYouth Member

    You're right Saville - engagement is important and I am happy to oblige but feel that I have little to contribute at this point in time. I must, however, acknowledge all of the information on the various PIED related fora and Gary Wilson et al for offering some hope to us sufferers. Before I found out about nofap I was pretty depressed about my situation on many fronts. At least there is some hope now...
     
  9. WastedYouth

    WastedYouth Member

    Thanks for the tip. I'll check it out.
     
  10. WastedYouth

    WastedYouth Member

    Thanks man. You make great sense and counting days and doing kegels and all that just focuses on the problem even more. I've done a bit of volunteer work for my kid's school and hey, you meet people that way too. I value my time but I don't care about making lots of money as long as I can keep a roof over my head. Gonna read your journal too.
     
    Squire likes this.
  11. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    Sometimes people say that you shouldn't work on more than one problem at the same time. However, in my life PMO has been such a tenacious block to my progress that I've felt like my whole life was stagnating, waiting for this problem to be overcome. In the past year I've made a lot of progress focusing on the issue of anxiety, which in my case has been driving a lot of addictive behavior. As I've seen some improvements in other areas of life it's given me more confidence that I can overcome PMO as well.
     
  12. WastedYouth

    WastedYouth Member

    Agree. For me, I truly believe that PMO addiction is the only plausible explanation for my shitty experiences with women all my life. Nothing else makes sense to me even though I had a conservative upbringing but my family life as a child was OK and loving. I gather from your journal that ED is not an issue for you?
     
  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    This is where you're wrong. You have an entire lifetime of experience. I learn from everyone on here. It's incredible how someone writing a sentence down can reverberate in my head all day. We write on the journals of others, first and foremost, to help ourselves. This at first might sound selfish, especially to nice guy P addicts, but as we help others we truly do help ourselves.
     
    A New Man likes this.
  14. WastedYouth

    WastedYouth Member

    Irritable day for me today. No real urge to PMO but sleeping late due to reading this (and other) recovery forums on a regular basis. Must get more sleep I think. Trimming the hair around my junk (every month or so and very carefully so to not get aroused!) over the weekend got me hard quick but I dealt with it just fine (by not PMO'ing of course). My motivation is that porn fucked up my life so no way is it coming back to ruin the rest of my life. Fuck pixels. Did heaps over the weekend including things that I thought were physically and logistically impossible but ended up being trivial. Nofap certainly clarifies my thought processes and I evaluate minute details in every endeavour I attempt whereas before I would miss things and curse myself for doing so. It's quite empowering. A buzz for me. I want to go as long as I can in hard mode but with the subtle hints I get from the fairer sex, I just want to fuck. I'm sure this is a problem for a lot of us dudes.
     
    Saville and dig deep like this.
  15. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You've got that right! :)

    Isn't it amazing what we can get done without PMO? Woot!

    It might becoming time to do just that. If there's someone around that you feel comfortable with. There is nothing like having a real human to help with the rebooting. :)
     
  16. WastedYouth

    WastedYouth Member

    Thanks for your words of encouragement Saville.
    Yeah I have no steady gf at the moment and the interest was at my work (three ladies no less) but I didn't pursue them because of PA related to PIED. It's a catch-22 which many have talked about on here. Feeling a bit less motivated in the mornings the last couple of days. A bit of a flatline you could say where my flaccid dick is a good size but lifeless at times. Actually reading these reboot accounts by some of the younger guys and how quickly they find rewiring partners gets me firm. Maybe less forum reading is in order but it is supportive when you don't know if you are going to recover from this illness. "Nocturnals" are good and MW is OK and regular but I am less inclined to get out of bed in the morning whereas earlier on in my reboot including during my two 30+ day streaks late last year I was more energised. Might be lack of sleep and my diet is basically unchanged. I think my body is recovering from the frenetic house hunting I have been doing for the past few months since separating. This has involved lenghthy commutes and meetings.
     
  17. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You definitely will! I've scoured the archives and all successful rebooters get onto having a WAY better life. Nothing is perfect, and like 40new30 says "we are healing ourselves on many levels." So, first we stop with the PMO, then we change our diet a bit, exercise a bit more, etc. After the first 120 days of sobriety we start to get more energy and the healing ball really starts rolling.

    74 days in the bag! Woo Hoo! :)
     
    40New30 and dig deep like this.
  18. WastedYouth

    WastedYouth Member

    Thanks heaps man for the encouragement. (possible triggers below)

    Out and about shopping with my kids all day and felt really energised and alive. Good day today.
    I feel like I have to control my heightened awareness of people (perhaps too much eye contact which could be perceived as creepy) and all those female butts in lycra drive me crazy which is doing me no good probably. Someone on Reboot Nation said something like leave all sexual desire and thoughts for when you are actually with a lady and about to have sex with her but I can't see this working since you have to interact with a female before sex if you are single. Kind of stuck with me but I doubt I could follow this path. Us guys have senses like NASA's DSN that is super attuned to women as it should be. I tell ya man, I can't wait to have me some female company.
     
  19. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I personally don't think this is necessary. The idea is not to deny ourselves natural feelings; I notice booty all the time. The important thing for addicts is not to start fantasizing about it. Notice it, enjoy the feeling, move on. I do the same thing when I really want to have sex, but the wife is not on-board. I just allow the feelings to wash through me, over me, and then move on. Addicts sexualize everything and that's just something we have to find ways of dealing with.
     
    40New30 likes this.
  20. WastedYouth

    WastedYouth Member

    Agree Saville.
    Since my reboot I have a more "normal" and natural view of women and don't objectify them like I used to before.
    I just want to share my life with them and please them to the best of my ability. Thick or thin, short or tall doesn't matter so much to me anymore. For me, the emotional connection is more important now.
    The journey continues...
     
    dig deep and Saville like this.

Share This Page