Dear Kevin, This is an open letter to you to give you hope during the difficult “reboot” phase ahead of you. As of April 24th, 2020, abstaining from porn, masturbation and orgasms (PMO) is your top priority. You’ve done significant damage to your brain, and caused yourself suffering due to your lack of self-control. So now, the time has come to reverse that damage and start anew. When you feel triggered by anything and suddenly have an urge to look at porn and/or masturbate, you will stop what you're doing and think of this letter. Meditate, focus, and remember that you’re in control. Do whatever is necessary to distract yourself for long enough to overcome the urge. Abstinence from masturbation, especially masturbation using porn, is a great achievement. Reward yourself when you exhibit this strong self-control, and be proud of yourself. Carry this achievement like an invisible metal of honor. A prediction: Within or after around the first seven days of abstinence (May 1st) you’ll feel a spike in testosterone that will boost your confidence and give you a sense that you’ve conquered this demon. Don’t fool yourself. This is the beginning of a lifelong battle. But it should get easier with each act of self-control. You’ll struggle terribly for up to six months, or longer. It may be nine months or more. Maybe a year. Remain strong. You'll regain your confidence, and it'll be worth it. There will be many moments where your mind will tell you to ignore this letter. If you have an uncontrollable urge to masturbate to ejaculation, you will do so without porn. And if you relapse, don't lose hope. Use your failures not as an excuse to throw away all of your hard-earned progress, but as an opportunity to learn a valuable lesson that'll be useful for your next battle. Remember: If you can’t masturbate without porn, then it’s not true sexual desire. Instead, your urge is only an addiction cue that has been triggered by a thought or a visual. The night ahead of you is long and dark. But the coming dawn will bring you beauty the likes of which you haven't witnessed since your youth. Hang in there. -Kevin ********************************************* Some information about me, and why I've decided to share this letter: I'm a 30-year old male living in the United States. I've struggled with internet porn addiction since I was about 13 years old. What began as a vanilla, heterosexual porn fascination quickly spiraled into a fetish for transgender pornography. Today, the porn I watch is exclusively in the transgender category. Fortunately I'm quite charming, so it's been fairly easy to find dates with both biological and trans women (I've slept with well more than 100 people in my life. I reckon 70% are biological women, 30% are transgender women). But I'm saddened and alarmed with myself because I've come to this realization that I no longer seek a deep connection with women. And worse, I've realized my priorities have gone so awry that I've lost touch with my own sexuality. As a result of my addiction, I've allowed myself to skew my sexual satisfaction hierarchy to rank as follows: 1. Masturbating to transgender pornography 2. Having sex with transgender (m2f) women 3. Having sex with biological women My goal in all of this is to bring biological women to the top of this hierarchy, and to truly love and respect and crave the sexual touch of a real woman like I felt in my early adolescence. Labels aren't important to me. But If I had to identify my sexuality, I'd call myself 'straight, but a little crooked'. I want to bring myself back to being a confident, 'straight' male. I want to yearn for biological women like I did when I was an adolescent, before porn rewired me. Sharing my story here is a way to hold myself accountable, and to maybe bring hope and strength to someone else struggling with a similar addiction. I'll post candid updates along this journey, and I hope you'll join. Thanks for reading all of this, and I truly look forward to cultivating a relationship with the community here. Best, Kevin
Nice Words "Don’t fool yourself. This is the beginning of a lifelong battle. But it should get easier with each act of self-control. You’ll struggle terribly for up to six months, or longer. It may be nine months or more. Maybe a year. Remain strong. You'll regain your confidence, and it'll be worth it. There will be many moments where your mind will tell you to ignore this letter. If you have an uncontrollable urge to masturbate to ejaculation, you will do so without porn. And if you relapse, don't lose hope. Use your failures not as an excuse to throw away all of your hard-earned progress, but as an opportunity to learn a valuable lesson that'll be useful for your next battle."
@Hopeful_for_dawn all the very best. But believe me you will get their quicker. I struggle with poor sleep and insomnia so my struggle becomes difficult. I am sure you will get there early than you expect.
