Am I really addicted? My story

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by d1gitalinsanity, Jun 11, 2020.

  1. d1gitalinsanity

    d1gitalinsanity New Member

    I make this publication to tell my story, i don't know if I'm in the correct forum category, if not, please let me know, in addition to several tests I did on the internet, of general questions, apparently I am not, but I want you to read my story anyway. All this is translated by Google since I am from Argentina and I still do not speak English very well, I appreciate that if there are any errors in the translations, correct me.

    My story comes from my first time, when trying to have sex, my penis did not work, it was a moment of great embarrassment, and the girl with whom it happened no longer spoke to me, I do not know if it was the nerves or what but in At that time I watched a lot of porn (more or less when I was 17) and a bit harsh porn, I was looking for the highest quality on the best pages, FullHD / 4K movies, I was looking for torrents, etc. So, I was and still am a picky person who is informed about everything on the internet but at the time I had looked for information about what happened to me and most information sites talked about erectile dysfunction induced by pornography. I didn't know if it really was because of porn, maybe it was because of nerves, but even so I considered that porn was the problem and I decided to quit, and little by little I had succeeded. I quit porn and masturbation, I don't remember exactly how many times I masturbated before but I went from masturbating often to once or twice a month. Or when I felt like it. And without porn, obviously. In my next "first time" I think I was lucky, I was with an incredibly beautiful woman, I don't know if it was her or if it was also me but I was able to respond well in relationships with her. I was happy, there was no more porn on me, but I remember that the last time we had intercourse I did not respond well (penis flaccid or slightly stiff) but I do not know if I was tired or what. I assumed it was a matter of time. Since I am a person who takes good care of himself with meals, I used to exercise, and I also searched the internet for foods that would enhance my sexuality (aphrodisiacs). In my next meetings I do not remember having problems, what I do remember is always being a little nervous about that event that happened to me in my first time, it is as if I had it always present in me every time I have sex, and Sometimes it causes my penis to be a little saggy with nerves, and as if I had to perform well to satisfy the other person. I can't believe that watching porn from a young age has been so traumatic and has caused so much trouble. Going back to the present of this year (I am currently 20 years old), at the beginning of January 2020, for Christmas, my family bought a new 4K television, and they also went on vacation after a few weeks, for some reason my damn brain decided that It was a "great idea" to watch a good porn video in 4K quality to release it. And of course, with the excuse that I didn't see long ago, that it was a new television, that I was alone,
    blah blah blah, it was the perfect dish. That's how I came back to PMO after a long time, and that's how I kept doing it about 4 times a month. It was very little, I did not do it every day as I see many cases here, I did not stop doing my tasks or working, but anyway I did it, and just like before, looking for the best content, 4K, etc. Until I started to realize I shouldn't have, and that's when I started to feel guilty every time I did it. And slowly I was leaving it (every time was more time than I achieved between each PMO). Until then the Quarantine arrived, in March 2020 the quarantine began and yes ... at first I continued with PMO, but even without the television, already in my room (1 time) or with the cell phone while I was taking a shower ( several times, most). And I did not do it frequently, only once a week at the most, (only one week I did it 2 times in a week, and it is the only time I remember), but then it was not more than 6 days that I returned to PMO . But from one moment to the next, I stopped, it was like a click, and since then it has been 30+ days since I have PMO and I try not to have sexual stimuli, stop uploading stories to Instagram, I don't go there anymore. Nor to any site where there may be very explicit content. To reset dopamine let's say. What I am noticing is that in these 30 days I did not have any morning erection hehe, the first time I left porn if I had. What I did have was a night pollution, but the first time I left porn it happened to me much more often. Anyway, details. Now my question is. Am I really addicted? Because this is the typical response of "I have it under control, I do it whenever I want", but when they want to stop, they can't (it included me, but now I see that I succeed). Do you recommend to continue doing MO obviously without P? Or what do you think of the PMO but occasional? I have seen sites where they are in favor of NoFap but they also consider the occasional PMO ONLY FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE IT CONTROLLED. I await your comments and ideas !!
  2. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    I think the question "Am I an addict or not?" is less important than the question "Does it have a negative impact on me?" There are people out there who aren't truly addicted but it still has some negative consequences.

    Let's say you are not an addict and it was confirmed to you (however that would work): Can pornography help you reach your goals and become the man you want to be? I don't see why that should be the case. At best it is probably neutral, at worst your quality of life might deteriorate more and more. Since you ask yourself this question and spend time researching it on the Internet, you are probably not happy with how things are going right now. So why keep watching porn? What would be the advantage?

    I won't tell you not to MO. I think MO is fine, as long as it's without porn or porn fantasy. Yes, MO can also become compulsive, but that doesn't seem to be the case with you. Real sex ist obviously better.
    Living likes this.
  3. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I agree with @-Luke-. I don't consider myself an addict, the reason why I am here is that the way I use porn has a negative impact on my life. It doesn't matter if you can tick off enough boxes, if porn holds you back more than you like: quit it! And the same applies to MO. And nobody on the internet will be able to tell you if you must do this. You have to find out for yourself how these things effect your own life and if you should do something about it.

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