Am I gay or is it "porn induces" HOCD?

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Yannick, Jul 6, 2022.

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  1. Yannick

    Yannick New Member

    So basically the story begins 3.5 years ago. Ive just started dating a girl (she is still my girlfriend) and about two months after I watched the movie "bohemian rhapsody" I started to ask myself very violently: Am I gay?
    This went on for a few months and just wrecked me. My dad (an orthopedic surgeon) sent me to a fried / colleague, a psychiatrist and he said that it was HOCD. He gave me an antidepressant and I went to cbt (therapy, not the porn stuff xD), but only for a few times. Over the next few months it got better and I lived my life and I started to study medicine.
    Now, about a month ago, it started again and its more violent than ever. I haven't been to the psychiatrist yet, but next Tuesday a got the first therapy session planned again.

    What really scares me is, that when I look at pictures of nude guys, I often get aroused and that, from what I've read is not, what happens with HOCD, but rather with people who are gay.
    The thing is, I can't say if this is porn induced or not. So since I was like 12 I started watching porn, at least daily. It started of with Vanilla Porn and slowly went toward femdom/BDSM... (One thing, I can remember one moment where I noticed I was more focused on the penis (penetrating)).
    Well and it went on - chastity, cuckold, feminization and sissy porn and femboys and Transgender...
    So is the "attraction" I notice when I look at gay porn only because of my porn history or am I gay? Also Ive read a study that about 20% of straight men watch gay porn.

    About the porn again: The real "transition" from chastity -> Sissy porn came for the most part in the last 6-8 month, after I quit pornhub but stayed on reddit. It started of with me watching more and more cuckold stuff and the yeah.

    In the "real world" I can only really recount one time or so when I noticed an attraction toward a guy - he looked very feminine, like the prototype of guy they would use for sissy porn.

    So again, do you think that its just HOCD? And what can I do about it?

    Regards
     
  2. Kuhn

    Kuhn Member

    It's not uncommon that heavy porn users over time start looking up more extreme versions of porn to get a ''shock'' effect. https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rel...tion-and-habituation-in-porn-users-tolerance/
    I myself started doing this (embarrasingly enough to admit) by finding extreme violent content on 4chan. when i think back to that time i feel very sick. but it gave my brain such a kick that i kept coming back.
    now if you are gay or not i can't answer that for you. i never looked up/ got aroused by gay or transsexual porn but such things vary from person to person i think.
    what were your porn habits before you watched bohemian rhapsody? i think it would be a good thing if you went for 90 days without any porn (ANY arousing content at all) and then assess with yourself if you are still thinking about gay/transexxual scenario's in your head. if that is the case, then yes you might be gay or bi. if not, then it is also possible that it is an effect of too much porn use, and you are not actually gay.
     
  3. Bobbo

    Bobbo New Member

    Only you can determine if you are gay, straight or somewhere in between. Be careful listening to others, who carry their own bias and fears into this.
    When I got into recovery, I thought my same sex attractions could be addiction related. It was not.
    If you want to chat, reach out to me at bobbyk.recovery@gmail.com
     
  4. I think you need to break down your "attractions".

    For example:

    Can you see yourself cuddling with a man? Making out with a man? Holding hands with a man? Dating a man like you would date a woman?

    OR

    Can you only see yourself having sex with a man, doing things sexual only.

    That alone will tell you if you are gay or not and whether or not porn has influenced your attraction to homosexual eroticism.

    But again, take the advice of the person above. Do not let personal bias or whatever else you think stigmatizes the lifestyle. It is not fair to you if you are 100% gay and can't live a happy life because of fear of what others may think of you.
     
    BackOnTrack likes this.
  5. intenseheadache

    intenseheadache New Member

    Sounds like you're bisexual if you're having sex with your girlfriend.

    I'm straight and my dick recoils looking at gay porn. I was sexually touched by a gay psychologist and my dick recoiled when he tried to stroke it. He was able to stroke it because I was mostly out of it due to mental decline from various vitamin deficiencies.
     

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