Hi Fluyo, I think it's important for your recovery that you find a social network where you live now. Loneliness can be a big trigger. Maybe you can reconnect with some people from your past or a your sports club? I know it's hard finding new friends while in your 30s but it isnt impossible. Also from my experience (fetish) escorts are more addictive than just porn. There is also the possibility to go Sex addiction meetings in your area. I just think through how I felt after I visited escorts in the past and in almost all cases I felt like shit for doing it afterwards. So I try to take that into consideration if I'm at risk at doing it. Also I tell myself better to MO than to actually go to one, that can buy time.
Hello, thank you for your advice. The problem is that I am capable of having friends but I don't feel like socializing. When I go to escorts I don't feel bad, I like it a lot, but I can barely go because I don't have money. I also have no interest in having girlfriend, it doesn't motivate me at all, I think it's very boring and I couldn't stand always being with the same girl, going out with her friends, family... My idea is to quit porn, which is what is giving me problems with libido, sexual performance, lack of control, strange tastes... And when I get it and recover we will see what I do, the first thing would be to work to earn money I guess... I have read your diary and I see that you left dating apps, escorts to have a girlfriend, I would like to know if it is possible why, maybe I can learn from you, I just don't see the point of having a girlfriend and being able to be with different girls, Aren't you bored? Greetings and thank you.
Hi Fluyo. We are all tempted by novelty. That is the nature of our addiction. But having a girlfriend is not just for sex. It is for emotional contact. We are social beings and emotional contact is more important in the end than sex. I am long married, and my wife can no longer have sex. But our emotional bond is really strong, and this is what is most satisfying, not the brief thrill of an orgasm. Also having children gives you a satisfaction that is really important. Of course when they are babies it is tough. But when they are older they give you so much satisfaction. And as you age they are there to look after you.
I understand what you're saying but I have no motivation to have a girlfriend, I've never really had one but surely watching porn has worsened the motivation to try. Having children has never interested me either and I don't think that will change. In any case, as I said before, I need to get away from lust to coldly decide what my real path is, because I don't like transsexuals either and porn has pushed me towards it. When I have been without porn for 3 weeks I start to feel better, but I have never lasted more than a month, I hope to be able to stop it completely and see if something changes, although if nothing changes I will not watch it again either because it destroys my sexual performance, libido and sexual tastes. Greetings!
Getting over porn can also help to be more sucessful in the job and to be better in social situations so it can be useful for practically every goal.
Yesterday I was on the street for hours eating, walking... In my area it is hot and all the girls are scantily clad, coupled with my lust I almost went crazy. I really wanted to go with an escort, watch porn... Luckily I managed to calm down and go home. On the one hand, that lust gives you a high, but on the other hand, you really feel bad. What I am clear about is that I will not get very far in my recovery this way or it will be very difficult and frustrating. I need to calm myself down and forget about lust by focusing on better habits, and as far as women are concerned, focusing on real relationships. The problem is how far away I see that, and how difficult it would be for me to find a partner that I really like.I think I would also be bored, I hope that with recovery time I will be able to see relationships from another point of view. On the other hand, I felt bad in my mood, I feel useless, without desire, without motivation, and it is very difficult to progress like this.
Yesterday I went to an escort but I didn't have time to finish and when I got home I did fap without porn, but I wasn't able to so I watched porn. I'm not happy but I managed to not be there for hours and it's once in 16-17 days. Now the goal is not to lose control and achieve the greatest number of days without doing it, hopefully never again. However, even if I sometimes relapse every few days I don't have to be pessimistic since from doing it for hours every day to an hour every 17 days is already clear progress that I have to maintain and improve. I need to put a lot of effort into working, socializing and meeting real girls, I'm sure that will help me a lot. Another positive thing is that yesterday with the escort it worked quite well, I didn't even like her and it was all very light, it still worked very well. There are people who get things done quickly but most of us need to do it gradually, in the past I would have given a binge and I would have had many cravings for days, however today I am calm and enjoying not watching porn doing other things. Keep reporting, I am convinced that I am going to achieve it and I am already on that path, on this occasion I may have obstacles but it will be the exception, I will not lose control again, it is simply not worth it. Greetings to all.
Tomorrow I am going to make 21 days in which I have only resorted to watching porn 2, and another of sex with an escort. It is not perfect but before I did it daily and many days for several hours, so it is a great progress to continue like this . Yesterday was a difficult day, I saw a lot of attractive girls on the street, I wanted to go to an escort and watch porn, but I managed to focus on the reasons why it was a bad idea and I didn't do it. I'm very happy about that because On other occasions in that situation, 100% of the time I would have binged. In any case, I have to improve a lot. I have the feeling that as the days of recovery go by, I will become aware of buried feelings that I will have to solve. and they will give me answers. Yesterday when I had the urge to relapse I thought a lot about how bad I always feel after a relapse and how good I feel if I manage not to do it, plus those urges always end. I was not wrong and today I feel very better.My goal now is to complete the month without relapsing again and then continue accumulating days forever, it is normal after many years of addiction to have some setbacks, the important thing is not to get carried away and get back on the right path.
Good job on your overall progress! I can recommend a cold shower/sports/meditation when urges get way too strong. Be mindful on the escorts they can become an addiction of their own.
Thanks friend, you are right, my intention is that the first step is to leave porn, but after that I also have to learn to reconnect with real girls, socialize, find work, in short, connect to a real life. The escorts I recognize that it is something fun, but also addictive and empty. However, by moving away from porn I want to improve, but watching porn is like being anesthetized, desensitized.
Yesterday I was with a trans escort, she was nice but I really didn't like the experience and I am not going to have relations with a trans woman again, I realize that it is porn and desensitization that has pushed me to it, but now no more. The good news is that when I left I wanted to watch porn but I didn't see it. In 28 days, I have only seen porn 3 times, when in the past I would have seen it at least 20 times and many more hours. Every I have more and more motivation to go out, find work, socialize and progress. I have realized that porn, in addition to being impossible or a slippery slope to moderate, even if I could moderate it, I would still be connected to that false way of seeing relationships. Porn is a major stimulus and not only is it harmful to performance and libido, it also connects you to false tastes and a false way of seeing sex.
