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Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Fluyo, Jul 18, 2023.

  1. Fluyo

    Fluyo New Member

    hello everyone

    First of all, sorry for my bad English, I write from a translator, I am from Spain and my level of English is basic. I have decided to create a diary

    because I feel that it is time to leave my addiction to porn behind. I've been trying in some way for 20 years or more

    less, now I'm 35, I'm from 1987. My addiction is serious, I've seen all kinds of legal porn, I've had edging sessions of several hours, I've

    needed to use viagra, I've been to about 130 prostitutes, I don't have a job and I live with my parents. My health is good and I don't have any

    extra addiction, I play sports, I have higher education and I left behind my group of friends, now I don't have any friends or girlfriend.

    December I have achieved several streaks of 21 hardmode days, the last one was from June 24, but last Friday I fell with a video and

    escort ads at night, in the afternoon I went to an escort, and on Sunday I bingeed for 3 hours where I saw all kinds of

    Porn, including trans, which is a fetish since I've tried it in reality and I don't like it, but that's how this addiction works.

    Now I will do 3 days hardmode in a few hours and I plan to continue like this for a minimum of 100 days to return in a more controlled way, we'll see

    If with fap or just sex, I'll try.

    I think that as a presentation it was enough XD, I'm going to use this diary to share my experiences and thoughts, it's a way

    to commit myself that this is the definitive one.

    Thank you very much to all.
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2023
  2. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    All the best with your journey @Fluyo I wish you much success.

    Or as Google Translate says, todo lo mejor con tu viaje @Fluyo te deseo mucho éxito.
  3. DBA

    DBA Active Member

    Hi Fuyo,

    I am older, have binged on porn for hours and visited escorts. You are not alone.

    As you can see I have now done 131 days, my aim being 100, and am staying on the
    site to try to prevent relapse.

    I have relapsed before. This time I went into hard mode but have only made it because
    I am doing this with a recovery partner on this site. He asked if anyone would join
    him and I agreed. We started a conversation (new conversation under account) and
    write to each other every day and often more than once.

    Guys on the site differ about fapping. I resorted to MO just twice during the 1oo days,
    but now MO (no porn or fantasy) because my wife can no longer have sex.

    You don't have a girlfriend, and my own view (others on the site may not agree) is
    that you should go hard mode with as little MO as possible, for 60 or 90 days, but
    that afterward MO is fine so long as it doesn't take you back to watching porn.

    So I strongly recommend you find a recovery or accountability partner of
    roughly the same age. The advantage is that for the first time in your life you
    will have to be totally honest, and you support each other in any way that is

    Sorry, no Spanish! Use Google translate.
  4. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Hola amigo. Welcome to the forum!
  5. Fluyo

    Fluyo New Member

    Hello friends, thank you for the welcome, I really appreciate it because I have been reading your diaries for many days and they have been of great motivation and inspiration.

    I've been reading different forums for a long time, but in recent months I've only read this one because it seems to me to be the most serious, so to speak. Don't worry about the language, with the translator I understand everything quite well.
    @DBA I have read you a lot in recent months and you have been a great motivation for me. Regarding MO, it is something that I still do not know if I will be able to control but I want to try when I am recovered, and if I cannot I will have to eliminate it too. What yes It's clear to me that I can't watch porn because it stimulates me too much and I end up out of control. My biggest trap is thinking that I can moderate, but if I could I wouldn't be addicted and I would have controlled it quickly, however I've been out of control for years. I want to know what it is meet a real girl and function like i should at my age.
  6. Fluyo

    Fluyo New Member

    I would like to talk a little bit about moderation. For me it has been my biggest trap, thinking about seeing a single video or photo, once a week... But the reality is that it is something very stimulating, it is not something rational and I lose control, even controlling I am very anxious and frustrated, which causes me to end up dragged sooner or later and it's a slippery slope. Plus you have to add about 15 years of addiction, my brain has that habit registered and it is much easier to get out of control. If I could control it, I would not be an addict, and if I weren't an addict I would have quit quickly. The key is not to doubt, you have to work at it every day, you have to be proactive so that your mind doesn't drag you down. Otherwise I'll end up regretting it, with erectile dysfunction and strange tastes that in They don't really satisfy me, they don't make any sense.

    I leave a part of the article from ybop start here:

    When do you cross a line?

    Many ask the obvious question: " How much is too much ?" This question assumes that the effects of porn are binary . That is, you do not have any problem or are addicted to porn. However, porn-induced brain changes occur on a spectrum and cannot be classified as black and white, either. Asking where to cross the line ignores the principle of neuroplasticity: the brain is always learning, changing, and adapting in response to the environment.
    Studies reveal that even a small amount of supernormal stimulation can rapidly alter the brain and change behavior.
    For example, it only took 5 days to induce marked sensitization to video games in healthy young adults. The gamblers were not addicted, but the elevated brain activity was in line with subjective desires to gamble. In another experiment , nearly all of the rats given unrestricted access to "cafeteria food" binged on obesity. It only took a few days of junk food for the rats' dopamine receptors to decrease (reducing their satisfaction). Less satisfaction led the rats to binge even more.

    More porn has more impact

    As for Internet porn, this German study in men not addicted to pornography found addiction-related brain changes and less brain activation to pornography, which correlates with more pornography consumed. An Italian study found that 16% of high school seniors who consumed pornography more than once a week experienced abnormally low sexual desire. Compare that to 0% of non-porn users reporting low sexual desire. On the other hand, every study with males ( over 70 studies ) has reported more porn use linked to poorerSexual or partner satisfaction. The bottom line is that addiction is not necessary for either significant brain changes or negative effects.

    Last edited: Jul 19, 2023
  7. DBA

    DBA Active Member

    Hi Fluyo, I'm afraid that I don't think you should consider moderation as a solution.
    The reason is that as addicts we deceive ourselves, try it, and then find we spend more
    and more time watching porn.

    You need a hard reboot for the dopamine receptors to recover. But then it is not worth
    considering going back to porn. I'm going to stay on this site to try to protect
    myself from the danger of relapse.

    Like me you have problems not just with porn but sex in general (visiting escorts).
    I am married, and though my wife can no longer have sex, I realise that visiting
    an escort would mean being unfaithful.

    You don't have a partner, so issues of being unfaithful don't arise. But you won't
    get a partner unless you both beat porn and manage your sex life on your own.
    As you say, an obvious danger of visiting escorts is that it can feed into your
    fetish. And that makes it more likely you will return to porn and fetish porn.

    I'm not against porn or fetish porn. For 90% of guys porn is fine.
    It is just 10% of us who are vulnerable to addiction because of our genes, family background, life events etc.

    Like you and many other on the site my porn habit escalated to fetish porn, and then to acting out
    the fetish in real life.
    My Dad smoked 40 cigarettes every evening until he was told he must stop for
    health reasons. Many years later he had one cigarette and was quickly back
    on 40. The 'one cigarette won't harm' is the dangerous inner voice of the addict.

    One small tip. If you haven't already done it, under your account arrange that
    replies to your posts and posts of those you follow come into your email.
    It is really convenient.

    You are on the right site. Everyone here is supportive, there is a wealth of
    experience in how to beat porn, and you are really welcome.
  8. Fluyo

    Fluyo New Member

    I agree, my intention is to stop porn forever, masturbation and orgasm for at least 100 days or whatever it takes to recover completely. Then I want to try masturbation and if I can't control it I'll have to eliminate it too.
    Regarding sex, I don't know what I'm going to do once I recover because I have no motivation to have a girlfriend, but who knows in the future. First I want to fix my life, find a job, have projects... In the future I'll see what I do. Thank you very much for your support.
    BackOnTrack likes this.
  9. DBA

    DBA Active Member

    I agree that fixing your life is the most important thing to do. If you had a job you would have less time to be
    tempted to watch porn.

    Do ask if someone would act. as a recovery or accountability partner for you. I write not very much on the main
    site, but have already 19 pages of conversation with two guys on the site (one my recovery partner), as well as
    lots of pages to two other guys, I find that I can be totally honest and talk about things that I might not wish to do
    on the main site. And the support I get is huge.
  10. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Yep, moderation is a lie. It's one hallmark of addiction that you always want more and more, not less. Especially with the bottomless novelty and endless variety that is internet porn.
  11. Fluyo

    Fluyo New Member

    Today I have relapsed again, at least I have managed to only do it once. Instead of doing it several times for days, I have managed to do it only 3 times in 29 days, so it is progress. However, every few days I still have a hard time resisting watching porn. It does not help to see it as impossible to have a partner or really want to do anything.

    It's funny how the brain deceives you, making you want to do something you don't even like, such as watching trans porn. My goal now is not to relapse for the rest of the month and from the next month never to watch porn again.
  12. DBA

    DBA Active Member

    Fluyo, every addict, whatever their addiction, has first to admit that they are addicted (and you have) and then to decide that their aim is to sober or clean (and you have just said that).
    Think now of the future, never mind the relapse, and concentrate on that aim. Our son was alcoholic and it broke his marriage. He went to AA and has been sober ever since. If
    he goes to a bar with someone he just drinks diet cokes. And that is our aim. I may have done 135 days, but the truth is that I can never watch porn again. It is terrible for
    my self image and causes me shame and guilt. Today I wrote to my recovery partner that he wouldn't believe how much better I think about myself now. And that is prize.
    Fluyo likes this.
  13. Fluyo

    Fluyo New Member

    You're right, the problem I have is that without a girlfriend it's very difficult, but I have no other option. It's funny how the brain tricks you into wanting to do something that doesn't even make you feel good.
  14. DBA

    DBA Active Member

    My answer ro that (and there are others on the sight who will disagree) is that you should resort to MO. Look up 'mindful masturbation' and enjoy it.
    That is what I do now that my wife is no longer able to have sex.

    But during the period of rebooting, whatever period you decide, it is best to avoid MO as much as you can. In my 90 days I resorted to it just twice.
  15. Fluyo

    Fluyo New Member

    Once I've recovered, I'll try it because now I'm not able to do it without porn, it's impossible for me to have an orgasm like that. How often do you usually do it? What do you feel when you do it? Are you out of control?
  16. DBA

    DBA Active Member

    I'm old, so just once a week. And I don't feel out of control. Younger guys tends to MO 2 or 3 times a week if they have no partner.
    When it comes to it, look up mindful masturbation where the aim is to concentrate on how it feels, to feel yourself all over your
    body and enjoy making love to yourself.
    Fluyo likes this.
  17. Fluyo

    Fluyo New Member

    I go back to the diary to start a new streak. Again I have realized that porn is a drug that raises dopamine a lot and drags you down, you literally can't think rationally. It's funny how you do something that you know is wrong but still you have great cravings to do it, there are so many videos available that you can pass out before leaving it, it is a trap.
  18. Fluyo

    Fluyo New Member

    Poor sexual performance and loss of libido, but this no longer surprises me, it does surprise me how porn makes you confuse sexual tastes and pushes you to do crazy things. If something so obvious confuses me, imagine other more silent things.

    Yesterday I was with a very dedicated escort, we had a good time but taking 20mg of Viagra I couldn't have a 100% erection throughout the appointment, I was able to finish luckily. I was also close to going with a trans when I already know I don't like it. I have a long work ahead to overcome this.
  19. DBA

    DBA Active Member

    Hi Fluyo,

    You are by no means the only guy on this site who has fantasies of trans escorts. It is a fact about addiction
    to porn that it escalates because you need more and more extreme things to get the same buzz.

    20mg of Viagra is a small dose. You can easily take 50 mg, or even 100mg if necessary.
    Fluyo likes this.
  20. Fluyo

    Fluyo New Member

    Yes, it's true, it's because of the desensitization, but I find it incredible that knowing that it's something negative, the brain continues to press on. I don't take more Viagra because it gives me a headache. I already tried it a long time ago and I try not to go above 20 mg. Anyway, when I haven't watched porn in a while, luckily I don't need it yet. I hope to give myself a break of several weeks from orgasm and forever from porn so I won't use it again for several years.

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