Aiming for recovery

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by movingtowards, Mar 3, 2019.

  1. movingtowards

    movingtowards New Member

    Hello,

    35 year old male. PMO'ing since 13. I have tried many times before to stop the porn. I am aiming to stop the porn and masturbation for 90 days and then carry this on in to the rest of my life.

    I'm looking for an accountability partner if anyone is interested?

    I am spending this week paying attention to any triggers or unwise decisions and will be recording these to better understand the cycle of addiction.

    Good luck to everyone else.
     
  2. movingtowards

    movingtowards New Member

    12 days no PMO. Feeling good. Urges not been too bad but been in a flatline. Have edged on a couple of days but managed to get myself out of it after a few minutes.

    Triggers:
    Partner leaving the house
    Thinking about partner leaving the house
    Instagram pictures
    Feeling angry
    Feeling depressed
    Feeling frustrated

    Coping strategies:
    Mindfulness
    Urge surfing. Staying with the urge rather than avoiding or suppressing.
     
    Merton likes this.
  3. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Well done reaching 13 days. Your last 3 triggers remind me of the HALT acronym related to emotions/feelings that can trigger addictions :

    H : Hungry
    A : Angry
    L : Lonely
    T : Tired

    Simple and good to be conscious of it.

    Good luck onward!
     
  4. Merton

    Merton Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean about “thinking about partner leaving the house.” I have so much anxiety about getting into a situation where pmo will seem like a good idea. Lately I have been just trying to trust myself more and to get rid of this negative thinking.
     
  5. movingtowards

    movingtowards New Member

    19 days! Streak going well so far, longest in a long time. 90 days is getting closer each day.

    Making sure I open the curtains when I get home from work. Open curtains equals no naughty business! I have blockers on my computer and phone. Seems to be working well so far. I've been practicing urge surfing rather than avoiding or suppressing the urges, I'm staying with them in the moment and waiting for them to pass. Trying to replace the PMO with PhD work and to add productive tasks rather than just removing the PMO and hoping for the best.

    The long way home: Thanks for your reply, that's a great acronym. PMO is difficult because it not only satisfies a sexual desire but also helps deal with difficult emotions and experiences. The hardest times to resit are when HALT is playing out or shit stuff happens in your life.

    Merton: The amount of times I have planned sessions and actively looked forward to my partner leaving the house - it's crazy what PMO can lead you to do. Trusting yourself is good idea. Do you meditate? That might help with the negative thoughts, or at least make the negative thoughts easier to sit with.

    Good luck everyone.
     
    Thelongwayhome27 and Merton like this.
  6. Merton

    Merton Well-Known Member

    This is a great idea. I used to meditate and should definitely get back into it. I used to use this headspace app each day.
     
  7. movingtowards

    movingtowards New Member

    28 days. Feel like I'm making good progress. Although nearly had a slip the other day. I was feeling tired, in bed, curtains closed on the iPad. Started looking at photos on Facebook. Managed to get out of bed after a few minutes of edging. No chaser effect the next day.

    Triggers:
    Facebook
    The thought "I'll just look for a second"

    Plan for next time:
    Keep curtains open apart from bed time. Challenge initial thought with 'it always last longers than a second.'

    Feeling more present overall. Music sounds better and emotions feel stronger. I feel less ashamed too. I think not having the post PMO guilt fest is really helping .

    I am going to buy myself a guitar when I make it to 90 days. 62 days to go. All about the good incentives :)
     
    -Luke- and SeekingWisdom like this.

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