Age 43, 60-Day Reboot Adventure Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Mystery, Aug 20, 2012.

  1. Mystery

    Mystery New Member

    Background:

    Bio (Lots of info that direcly corresponds to all of the PMO problem symptoms):

    43 year old male, physically fit. Started PMO in my teens, but no high speed Internet. Also, living with parents and college roommates limited PMO opportunities. Had many relationships with hardly any sex problems. Then, at age 25, I got my own apartment and could indulge in PMO on a whim, mostly to videos and magazines. Started experiencing a bit of delayed ejaculation and a hint of ED with real sex after getting my own apartment. I suspected PMO was the cause, but masturbation was considered "healthy" and there was no literature that indicated otherwise.

    Around age 30 I moved in with some guys and then got married, both which limited PMO. After getting divorced by age 33, the depression, stress, isolation, and availability of porn resulted in lots of PMO. I actually disabled high speed Internet for a while. This enabled me to get more productive in many other areas of life, but I could still PMO from other sources. Even so, the productivity in other areas hinted that high speed Internet may have been a cause of a problem.

    By age 35, I started having sex with real women again, but had re-enabled high speed Internet and found I could not orgasm. I only finished once after watching some porn before real sex, which got me hot enough to finish. I still suspected PMO was the problem, but there were still no studies to support my suspicion. I found it difficult to quit because PMO was such a relief from other stressors in life.

    A big enabler was the fact that I work from home with a job that requires Internet and lots of intense mental focus. I can easily turn to PMO to relieve stress.

    I entered a decent long term relationship by age 41 and was actually able to orgasm a few times. Looking back, this always happened after spending many days together without PMO. However, I always had to fantasize about porn to finish, as I was still using PMO on the side.

    As with some others, my PMO sources would escalate to the point of shemale (more politically correct: transsexual (TS)) porn, which is definitely related to the novelty seeking aspect of PMO. In fact, after spending too much time on TS porn, I would sometimes enjoy more normal porn, as it had then become novel again compared to the TS porn. It got to the point that I preferred seeing people, men or women, having a surprise orgasm, a forced orgasm, a premature orgasm, or one beyond their control because it was taking me so long that I wanted to associate with those feelings.

    A friend forwarded the YouTube video of Gary Wilson a few days ago, which rang so true, that I finally had research to support my suspicions of a PMO problem, which encouraged me to try the 60 day Reboot!

    Symptoms:

    Primary:
    - Delayed Ejaculation
    - Compulsive PMO
    - Excessive PMO
    - Goal (Orgasm)-Focused Sex
    - Real Sex Boredom
    - Purely Sex-Based Relationships
    - Stockpiles of Porn
    - PMO Instead of Working

    Secondary:
    - General Anxiety
    - Social Anxiety
    - Stress
    - Isolation
    - Low Motivation
    - Depression
    - Lack of Focus/Concentration
    - ADHD
    - Insomnia (Difficultly falling asleep, but once asleep, I would sleep for 8-10 hours)

    It got to the point of which I would look forward to leaving a social setting just so I could go home and PMO. I even had guests stay over a few days last week and would look forward to them going asleep each night just so I could retreat to my room to PMO.

    As a result of Gary's video and website, I am starting my adventure with a 60-day reboot. This journal is an attempt to keep myself accountable and on task, but it will also provide you with insight of another person's journey.

    Thank you for providing a resource for my adventure.
     
  2. Mystery

    Mystery New Member

    Day -3

    As mentioned above, a friend forwarded Gary's YouTube video, which encouraged a 60-Day Reboot.

    Day -1 (Yesterday)

    After taking a couple of days off PMO, I decided to deliberately have one more before starting the Reboot. It was nothing special, as I was sleep deprived and it took me a while to finish from lack of concentration.
     
  3. Mystery

    Mystery New Member

    Day 1

    Day 1

    Started the Reboot today after a PMO last night.

    Gary's website http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ is a great resource to read if you find yourself loosing focus and tempted by PMO. The list of symptoms remind you of why you are doing this and the success stories encourage you to keep it up.
     
  4. tpc_uk

    tpc_uk New Member

    Hey Mystery,

    The good news is that you started pmo at a time when there was not super fast, multi-tab, free tube sites where you can instantly view full movie clips and switch over on demand. You have also been married and have good relationship experience before internet porn became out of control. Therefore 60 days is probably all you need :)
     
  5. justforkicks800

    justforkicks800 New Member

    hey there and welcome. Coming here and posting is a good thing. Stay focused and know this will be a long and hard journey with difficult moments and perhaps even some setbacks. The important thing is knowing you have a problem and taking the steps necessary to make a change. I will tell you I am 48. I knew I have had a problem for 10 years and am only now making a serious effort at change. Wish I had really taken charge of my life a long time ago. So be serious, don't allow your addidt's brain convince you to do things you know you dont want to do, and most importantly and don't let any more time go by. You will find support here and you can do this.

    Best to you!
     
  6. Mystery

    Mystery New Member

    Thanks for the welcome and tips.

    tpc_uk: Your insight about my history really helped encourage the 60 day goal.

    justforkicks: You and I are in similar situations. Your tips are helping my keep the path and realize it is good to have a support group like this.

    Day 3

    Everyone has their triggers. Reading the journals is helping me pinpoint my own trigger, which mainly is frustration. When things were not going my way, PMO gave relief and escape. Especially when I was trying to work hard and things kept piling up or going backwards and unexpected obligations appeared.

    For example, yesterday was a minor victory. At least in the sense that I did not PMO when hit with a bunch of frustration triggers. I was working extra hard only to get more unexpected stuff piled on me. On top of that, I got my taxes together (I filed an extension) and realized I may owe a lot, possibly over $10k, which was the result of my old employer not properly paying my taxes and doing unexpected funny stuff with my K-1 (kind of like a W2). Then I played in my soccer league and my team got humiliatingly destroyed. Our poor performance kept replaying over and over in my head. Fortunately, I realized the frustration of it all was a trigger. My resolve to reboot had been strengthened by the information on the YBOP website and this forum. Reading and replying to posts on this forum helped keep my mind off of negative racing thoughts so I could at least avoid PMO. There may be better ways to cope, but at least I avoided PMO that otherwise would have been readily triggered.

    That being said, I think my frustration is a symptom of a bigger issue. The bigger issue is that I got engaged last year after one year of dating, but big red flags subsequently appeared in our relationship. Red flags that could make me unhappy for the rest of my life if I marry her. I realize PMO may be the source of problems in a relationship. This wasn't helped by the fact that the problems triggered more PMO. This is part of the reason I am here.

    However, to put it in perspective, we started seeing a couples counselor, who told us that I am using proper communication and that my fiance's communication is destructive to our relationship.

    All I can remember is the pain from our arguments that lasted for months. I fear committing to a relationship that will result in so much pain.

    After reading other threads and YBOP, it seems that PMO is cause of many of the symptoms I have with lack of clarity, general anxiety, social anxiety, mild depression, etc. However, PMO and the other symptoms may also be symptoms of the relationship issue.

    One way to be sure of one factor is to continue rebooting. :)
     
  7. Mystery

    Mystery New Member

    Day 4

    Day 4

    Worked out with my GF/fiance and stayed over at her place last night. No sex, as I had work to do. We will probably have sex tomorrow night, which will be interesting, as we have not done so since I started the reboot 4 days ago.

    Had a couple of nice moments of clarity. Looked out a window and noticed the vibrant colors of a streetlight-lit building and tree. They seemed more vivid than usual. Also, while trying to fall asleep, I tried to keep porn visions out of my head because I often fantasize to fall asleep. I ended up having some memories from 20 years ago when I was dating multiple women and how they didn't seem to mind. It felt good to have a random flash back of positive memories instead of dwelling on negative thoughts. Instead of feeling like it was an attempt to feel better or like I was living in the past, it felt like I was reminding myself of what is possible.

    While spooning with my half-asleep GF, I tried to focus on the feeling of her body up against mine and the texture of her skin under my hand. I even got a little hard thinking about her butt pressed against my privates.

    Didn't fall asleep until after 4:00 AM. Possibly because I took an Adderall too late. Had to take a Restoril to fall asleep. I then slept until almost 2:00 PM and felt really groggy when waking up. Later, I had a surprisingly good workout and benched 275 for one slow rep without taking any exercise stimulants (I only weigh 165). Afterwards, I went for a walk to get some protein drinks down a street with lots of people, but I didn't notice any ladies checking me out. It's only day 4 and I hope that is one of the side effects that happens later.

    Overcame one trigger, which is freedom from my GF when coming home. Avoided another one, which is rewarding myself for progress on a work project. The final one to avoid tonight is PMO'ing to fall asleep.

    Live well everyone.
     
  8. Mystery

    Mystery New Member

    Day 5

    Day 5

    Add another day to the journey! While my ultimate goal is 60 days, my short term goal is 14 days. By "goal" I do not mean reach that point and stop. I mean setting those points as milestones for evaluation. They are short-term benchmarks to look forward to while on a neverending adventure.

    Does the PMO cause anxiety or does something else cause anxiety and one blames the PMO?

    That is more of a rhetorical question, but one I sometimes wrestle with.

    My work and relationship are definitely causing anxiety. They also interfere with each other which compounds the anxiety. PMO gives short term relief from the anxiety. However, the key point is "short" term, as PMO can interfere with the ability to cope. It also takes time away from both work and a relationship. It also has been shown to interfere with satisfaction in a relationship.

    I have to keep in mind that rebooting will definitely help me feel better. However, rebooting alone may not fix all of the underlying problems with one's anxiety. There may still be other issues that need to be dealt with.

    The majority of seasoned rebooters have indicated that rebooting provides an improved sense of well-being and improves the ability to cope. This shows it should help with other underlying issues. PMO has been shown to cause specific problems. Solving these problems by rebooting will free up mental and emotional energy to deal with other life issues.
     
  9. Mystery

    Mystery New Member

    Update:

    GF gave me a great BJ and we had sex a few hours ago. Still delayed ejaculation... I.e., none. I tried to focus on the sensations, but started getting bored. I admit that I even fantasized about some porn, which had helped me finish a couple of times in the past, but still nothing. She even asked what should could do to make me cum, but I couldn't think of anything.

    5 days was too soon. I know I should have just have focused on the sensations and her instead of fantasizing.

    If anything, one plus was that my fantasies were not that extreme. Thinking about nornal girls was more of a turn on than any anime or other kinky porn. That looks like it may be minor progress.

    Stay thirsty my friends.

    Oh, and I also made sure at least she had a nice O.
     
  10. strongwilledphoenix

    strongwilledphoenix New Member

    Hi Mystery,

    Good thing start with one..I experienced the similar symptoms what u have described.But mine is a bit longer goal 150 days.Let me see how it goes.As far as my reading abt all this.People who started MO before porn needs lesser time and the tasks become easier with people in relationships

    So all the best..
     
  11. Mystery

    Mystery New Member

    Thanks SWP. That is encouraging for us older guys to know that we may need less time in our reboot before noticing some results. It is not guaranteed, but it is possible. All the best to you.

    Day 6

    Another day down. Chatted with my GF about the reboot and she is supportive.
     
  12. Mystery

    Mystery New Member

    Day 8

    Two more days in. Rebooting seems to be getting a little eaiser right now the more distant I get from the last PMO.

    Also, instead of having my GF go home last night, I had her stay over to reduce the temptation to PMO. Before rebooting, I would be happy to send her home so I could engage in some PMO. Nice to take the alternate approach.
     
  13. Dukha

    Dukha Guest

    Hey Mystery,

    Glad to see you're still in the game there! It's a nice thing to notice changes in behaviour like with your girlfriend last night - certainly noticed those sort of things with mine last time round, and also now with the decision to stop again there's an almost immediate change in the atmosphere from me to her.

    Hope you're well and being good to yourself.
     
  14. Mystery

    Mystery New Member

    Hey Dukkha,

    Thanks. Good to know you are also noticing a positive change in the atmosphere with your girlfriend.

    Be good to yourself as well.
     
  15. Mystery

    Mystery New Member

    Day 12

    Reboot restart.

    Spent the last three days with my GF at her parent's vacation condo. She made it her quest to make me cum and we had lots of sex to try to achieve that goal. Alas, it was not to be.

    At first, I was focusing on her and the sensations, but then migrated to fantasizing about porn to try to finish for her. It was borderline PM wihtout the O, which is almost the opposite of what we are trying to achieve. I internally debated about whether I should reset my counter and then came home and PMO'ed to guarantee the reset.

    The cool thing about this slip is that it shows how we do need the reboot. If we can achieve O with PM, we should be able to O to sex and the reboot will help us achieve that goal. For example, I am currently taking Lexapro for anxiety and it can inhibit O. However, it must not be the main cause of the DE because I could achieve O with the PM. Therefore, the cause is the PM and the reboot will be useful in overcoming the DE.

    Back to Day 1.

    Stay thirsty my friends.

    -M
     
  16. Mystery

    Mystery New Member

    Day 1

    Binged yesterday. It felt like a much needed break from other work and relationthip stress/anxiety in my life. I have to remind myself of the benefits of rebooting to keep myself on target.

    One trigger that I want to keep focusing on is boredom or procrastination triggers. As I work from home and my job is mentally challenging, I find that I will often take a break from work to PMO. This especially happens when I am having a challenge focusing on a complex issue and end up procrastinating with PMO. Avoiding this trigger will help overcome the procrastination issue, which will help me get more work done, which will reduce work stress.

    The other trigger is anxiety relief. This one is going to be more challenging to overcome. Especially because it seems that taking a day off to PMO relieves the anxiety and often actually helps me get work done after taking the break.

    One huge thing that I have found out from YBOP is that I use the prone position to PMO and have been doing so since the first day I PMO'ed. However, the prone position results in the biggest symptom that I experience. I.e., delayed ejaculation (DE). This is because normal sex cannot provide the intense pressue and stimulation that the prone position does. Apparently the prone position DE problem can be significantly reduced in as little as 14 days of avoiding prone position MO. Thus, that will be my current short term goal.
     
  17. Mystery

    Mystery New Member

    Day 0

    Had a quick PMO today to relieve stress caused by finding out I have over $20k in taxes due. It did provide some stress relief. However, I have to remember that prone position reduces sensitivity to real sex and I want to cure my DE.

    Back to day zero.

    Be good to yourselves.
     

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