Age 25. Day 106 no porn. 6 days without MO. Am I cured?

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Normal256, Mar 6, 2012.

  1. Normal256

    Normal256 New Member

    So I posted something similar / related to this a couple of days ago on the Reunited site (http://www.reuniting.info/blogs/normal256/day-104-i-looked-porn-4-days-ago) but I'll post again.

    For those who don't know my story, very briefly - I began this rebalancing process at the beginning of October. First, I went 16 days without porn, masturbation, or orgasm (PMO), then engaged in MO for another few weeks. I broke down and started looking at porn again after 45 days. After that, I went 5 weeks indulging in PMO. Then I abstained again, going another 29 days without PMO before giving in to MO for another 3 weeks or so. Still didn't look at porn though. Then I went another 26 days without MO, and since then I've MO'd perhaps once every 5-7 days or so. That's been going on for a few weeks now. Haven't looked at porn in 106 days though, with the exception of last week.

    Last week I had a very stressful day and decided to throw caution and good judgement to the wind and I began looking for my favorite porn clips, the ones I used to love. Thing is, I couldn't get off on them anymore. I TRIED to be aroused, I tried to conjure up every fantasy I could and let myself just float into a fantasy world, but it didn't work. After 5 minutes or so, I ended up being so disgusted with what I was watching, I just gave up. I ended up finishing, but I didn't use porn to do it.

    So my question is..............does this mean I'm "rebalanced"? I don't feel comfortable declaring victory until I successfully acheived intercourse with a girl (something I've never done, by the way, despite many attempts). But I actually TRIED to get off on porn. I completely said screw it, I want some porn, and yet my brain didn't accept it. It's as if I were eating junk food and immediately vomited. I couldn't become aroused if I wanted to. What does all of this mean? Is it OK to engage in MO periodically or occassionally now?
     
  2. Psychosis

    Psychosis Guest

    I don't really know man, but why don't you go try to find a girl to have sex with? Assuming that you decided to reboot because of porn-induced E.D., you should probably try to see if you still have E.D. with an actual sexual partner to see if you're "rebalanced". Everyone here has different goals, but a lot of us just want to have no E.D. with actual girls.
     
  3. Diceman

    Diceman New Member

    First of all, well done for going over 100 days. Certainly a good sign, time to try and meet a partner now i'd say. I would not get into the habit of looking at porn to test yourself though. Like a cigarette, people have one to test themselves and when they find it tastes awful they think they're cured. Next thing they know they are smoking every day again. Porn is part of your past now, leave it behind for good.
     
  4. Normal256

    Normal256 New Member

    Oh I wasn't trying to test myself. I was just super stressed out and temporarily lost all good judgement. I deleted all of the porn clips as soon as it was all over with.

    As far as finding a girl.............um, yeah. Trying to work on that, but between having two jobs and being in school, it's hard to find the time to even pick up a girl at a bar, you know. But who knows? And yes, porn-induced ED was the reason for me beginning this process.
     
  5. Daniel

    Daniel New Member

    First off, congratulations - so many days porn free is a major achievement. Focus on that, not on your relapse.

    As for finding a real woman, it will happen. You do have time - more than you think you do. Are there women at work, school? That's where most people meet.

    Also - don't worry about it being a 'perfect moment' with a 'perfect woman' where you're hard for hours and she has multiple orgasms. Just enjoy being with someone. The more you think 'am i cured? will tonight be the big night?' the tougher it will be.
     
  6. Rebornzt

    Rebornzt New Member

    Don't feel to me that you are cured if you are so stressed that you need to look back at your ancient porn clips to make the stress go away. The fact it doesn't stimulate you just means you are ''not hooked" anymore on it, but as far as I am concerned and the way I read your history, you are off the ''self medicated compulsive porn viewing'' but still are hooked to Masturbation and all the more, you still seem to have some serious personnal issues to tackle...

    You are on the good road though but what about writing your personnal journal or starting to put out what is going on wrong in your life (for instance you need a women, that is fine man and you don't have time since you have a lot of work! I understand and I don't judge, no one does here. But how about you put all that on paper and just try to free yourself 2 hours of bars a week (I am sure you spend time watching TV, reading shit or just being lazy that you can try and cut out to invest in looking for a mate, and god there are tons of women out there looking for a man with your willpower).

    I'd advice to cut off the porn since It will draw you back to porn... the two ways are too linked. I talk for myself since I am still addicted to MO, just like you and I do believe that if I let myself relapse, I can slip again and go back to old habits!

    I don't think you are cured, I think you are stage 1/3 (second stage would be to cut MO, and third and final stage should be to tackle your personal issues with stress handling, emotions and all the stuff that made you fall in this addiction in the first place... after that, you'll be cured for sure!)

    My 2 cents
    REbornzt
     

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