Age 22 - Youngfella´s Path to Freedom

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Youngfella, May 1, 2014.

  1. Youngfella

    Youngfella Active Member

    What happened, why it changed?

    And how did your friends, counselor and even those acquanitances react to this? Positive or negative? And by positive I mean that they don't immediately go talk shit to people about you when you're gone? Because most people are polite when you tell them about your problems ( this mostly relates to those acquanitances ) but when you're not around... Not trying to be negative, just realistic.

    Strong and inspirational points man! The road is long, longer than we thought but giving up is not an option.

    This!
     
  2. no94

    no94 All or nothing.

    Did you mediate before?

    If you meditate, you fully focus on your mind. You don't move, and you don't scratch yourself. And the scratch will always go away, eventually! You know that it's the same with an urge :) I think, that nofap "trains" our ability to resist. At least this is how I've been trying to look at it. When an urge hits, we train ourselves to resist. Just like when you need to scratch yourself while mediating. And we will get stronger along the way.

    It's a great idea to talk to someone about it. I'm sure there will be lots of factors which you didn't consider before that will help you on this road. I'd love to get an update when you do that!
     
  3. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    What changed is I told my gf at the time. I trusted (and still do) her completely and felt more comfortable telling her than anyone. Having someone there to talk to about it and having her understand for example why it would take along time for me to come when in bed together helped me immensely. I found how freeing it was to have someone to lean on in your suffering. Makes it so much more bearable.

    So I brought up the issue with my friend, and told him about all of the benefits and we actually tried to quit together. We were on the same page and even made a bet on it that the loser had to buy the other a drink. Unfortunately he didn't continue with it, although he wants to. He just had too much going on at the time, but I'm sure his time will come eventually.

    I did the same with my next gf, and I trusted her too. She still helps me these days. A lot. Opening up to her was great too, because our relationship was always very emotionally freeing and insecurity sharing and good habit and trait and perspective developing. Still is.

    The confidence I gained from telling these people gave me the security I needed to tell anyone who I thought would benefit. I want to inspire others to get on the journey, so what they think of me is not even an issue. I know this is the right path, and I feel sorry for those who don't share my belief because I believe they're living in ignorance. Plus, I want to be known as the guy who is trying to quit porn! What shit could they say? "Oh that guy? The guy who is trying to end his dependency on virtual porn and use that energy to work on himself, help others do the same, and get laid?" Bro that is how I would want people to talk about me when I'm not there haha. And plus, if they talk shit about you when you're not there, you definitely don't need them in your life, so you're already weeding out some negativity in your life.

    What I've found, though, is most people whom I've told about my no-PMO journey has actually agreed with me. It resonates with many of them. It doesn't resonate with everybody, granted, but to each their own.
     
  4. Youngfella

    Youngfella Active Member

    Although the title says "Real lives of sex addicts", this is a fantastic read with great examples of Jacob(28y), Amy(44y) and Edward(71y). http://www.gq.com/story/real-sex
    But putting it shortly, here's the best part from my point of view:

    It's not about the porn.

    It's not about the masturbation.

    It's not even about the orgasm.

    It's about the high.

    At least to me. Better call it "edging as long as I can". Whenever I relapse, it's not that I want to only masturbate, it's not that I want to only watch porn, it's not that I want to only orgasm, I want to get completely lost. When that orgasm comes... BAM! Back to reality.
    It's about being high as long as you can. So you can be in your own fantasy land, be lost, escape.

    Why I wanna get lost? That's the question that relapses won't help me get the answer to. Relapses only push it forward, prolong it, but it will come back.
    It will always come back.

    Want to know how it won't come back? Find out what it is and solve it. What is that negative feeling, what is it trying to tell you?
    Write it down. Pencil and a piece of paper, not that hard, you can burn it afterwards if you don't want it to be found.

    It's probably not just one negative feeling why you relapse. But no matter how many negative feelings, you can solve them, one by one.

    One of the most helpful things I've done recently is keeping a gratitude journal. Cheesy but it actually works. My rule is that everytime I switch my computer on,
    I wrote 1 thing I'm grateful about. This way it becomes a habit. And I don't copy them from others, I really think what I'm thankful about. My first was that I have a healthy body and my brains work. Because when you read that, it puts things into perspective. Would you cut off your arm if by that you could get a promotion?
    Yeah, me neither. Gratitude also helps me to remember the things I enjoy in life and that physical sensation isn't the only "happy" emotion in this life.

    This is an excellent post also https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2i6zwv/superpowers_are_real_and_heres_how_to_get_them/

    We grow through this journey. Relapses happen, they're setbacks but they help us learn. We become more mature, we realize what this takes.
    That this is a part of a life change. A big change. We become better people. In the larger scale it doesn't matter if this takes a year to do, 2 years, 3 years etc.
    Because the end goal and result is freedom for the rest of our lives.

    How's that sound?
     
  5. Youngfella

    Youngfella Active Member

    The Perfect Illusion

    I think I've learned something.

    Since I started, 2 years ago, I thought that masturbation and orgasms are as bad as watching porn. That made every relapse even worse because I though I was doing 3 bad things instead of one which is porn.

    Maybe having sex with a girl I really care about changed it. Maybe I always had this guilt when masturbating alone ( mostly to porn ). I never saw it as a natural behavior. But now that I've been with my girl, I realize that sexual feelings are just as normal as being hungry or feeling good when you eat something delicious. Sexuality is a part of me. Being horny is a part of being a human. Maybe I couldn't accept it before because I had this guilt (because of porn). Because I didn't wanna feel guilty, I avoided masturbation(because I only masturbated while watching porn). I avoided my sexuality. And then I was confused when I relapsed. But now I think that if controlling your lust, your sexuality, was easy, we wouldn't probably exist.
    It's the biggest force of nature, after survival. But my sexuality was twisted (porn). Once I had sex with a person I care about, it didn't feel shameful, it felt right. It felt healthy.

    Also, for a few days, I've been reading this autobiography of a pornstar and I'm glad I found it. It took me behind the scenes, showed the reality of porn industry. I always knew it was bad but this went to details and it was effective. Few facts:

    - It's all about the money.
    - It's a billion dollar business. With that much money, they can create the perfect illusion.
    - Pornstars don't like to do it, they really don't. But they want money and even more money so they fake it, they fake that they enjoy it more than anything else. Because if the illusion is broken, if the audience sees that the pornstars don't like it or that they are actually in pain, they lose a lot of viewers. Only the sick fuck's would stay if that was the case but then the porn industry wouldn't be a billion dollar business.
    - Everything is glamorous only on camera. But what the camera doesn't show you or when the camera goes off... well there's a reason they don't show it.
    - Causes more deaths than any other industry, even more than music industry
    - Everyone uses drugs, that's how they numb themselves so doing the scenes becomes easier. Because if doing porn, if sex with lot of guys was so great and satisfying, why would 90% or even more use drugs? What would be the point?
    - Girls are products. And they treat them like products.

    Usually it goes like this:
    - the girl has a sexual trauma in her childhood or when she's very young
    - doesn't get help but dwells on this, gets depressed and emotional scars
    - life doesn't go well, doesn't do well in school, can't get to uni or have a job she likes
    - prostitution/porn is an easy way to make lots of cash in a short time
    - she thinks she's only good at sex
    - does it, usually hates it but gets paid more than from anything else she could do right now
    - likely get's introduced to drugs by other pornstars
    - realizes she can cope with the pain more easily when high, either on drugs or alcohol
    - develops drug or alcohol addiction
    - does more porn so she can get money for the drugs
    - realizes she can't really do anything well, no skills, every other job pays much less so she couldn't pay for the drugs
    - realizes she's trapped
    - too shamed to get help because who cares about a stupid, slutty pornstar, right?
    - the cycle goes on
    - it ends badly likely

    Realizing all of that took all of the glamour and "fantasy" world of porn. I was naiive to think that maybe these girls really enjoyed it, even loved it. But of course they would look like they are enjoying it, they would get more money by it. It's about survival for them. If you think the girl enjoys it, even says she loves it and you believe her, you got fooled by the billion dollar porn industry. It's just basic marketing. If the seller doesn't enjoy it, why would you? Here's a question: after quitting porn, how many pornstars are there who talk positively about it compared to those who talk negatively about it?

    It's just mindblowing to really understand this. I admit that maybe some pornstars do really enjoy it, who knows, they are all acting like they enjoy it. The more they "enjoy it" = more money for them. But this doesn't change the fact that like 90% of them, and I'm not just talking about the actors, the staff too, are drug addicts. We can agree that there's something wrong when that's the case. How could I support an industry that makes all of their employees drug addicted, gets them killed, spreads diseases like hell, really fucking degrades the women, get's their viewers addicted, destroys their lives and does all of this just for the money?

    Everything looks perfect on screen. But outside of the screen, everything is totally fucked up. It's a billion dollar industry and they have the money to create freaking convincing propaganda to support their agenda, just so they can fool you to get your money again. But I know now it's all just a big fucking lie. They kill their employees and they destroy your life, just to get your money. Even if you don't pay a cent, every click supports the system, every click is a reason to create more porn and every click destroys more lives.

    The perfect illusion.
     
  6. BryanHoward

    BryanHoward Keep your hands where I can see them

    Keep moving brother. You are closer than you think.
     
  7. Azz

    Azz Live Free.

    Hey whatsup bro,

    nice to see you're still going. we'll push through this man
     
  8. nicholashoward97

    nicholashoward97 New Member

    Always remember my body my mind my choice my rules.
     
  9. Youngfella

    Youngfella Active Member

    Kinda late to answer to this but quite good. :p

    Thanks man for the words. But just curious, what gives me the privilege to be the first one that you post to(and the only one so far)? ;D :eek:
     
  10. no94

    no94 All or nothing.

    It's been some time. How is it going, Youngfella?
     
  11. Youngfella

    Youngfella Active Member

    Otherwise pretty good.

    But when talking about the addiction and I am addicted, this will be a part of me for the rest of my life.
    At least fighting against it will be. It doesn't matter if I don't like that fact, I have to accept it. That some things WILL ALWAYS trigger me. Ofc, sex and everything it contains will always trigger my subconscious mind but I'm more triggered to pictures and videos of women more than many other men. It's deep in my mind, from 11-12 year old and on it has been a part of my life, my everyday life, for 10 years. 10 years. If I live up to 80, that's 1/8 of my life. It won't fade away. I still have to quit it, I know that. I want to but sometimes I'm not strong enough.

    We are living in the best period of human history and that is a fact. Negatives of Social media, terrorists, politics screwing people to get ahead, whatever, it doesn't even compare to the horrors of the past(hunger, diseases, war). Our lives are so fucking easy. I'm not saying I would want to live during a different time, no, hell no.

    But I keep wondering that if I lived, let's say during the 19th century, no internet, no tv, all that.
    Would I still be interested in woman? Of course I would. But would I spend thousands of hours
    watching naked people on a screen? No because that would be impossible. What I would have done with those
    thousands of hours if internet and tv didn't exist? That even if I wanted(although I couldn't possibly know them during that time), I couldn't because they weren't invented yet. Would I have used those times getting to know me better, facing, almost forced to face my problems because I couldn't escape away from them, what would my life be? Get more experiences with girls earlier and more during my youth because they would have been the only sexual outtake for me? Because masturbating to just imagination gets boring, we know that, if it didn't, we wouldn't need porn ( and watching porn isn't even about masturbation anyway but oh well ). Would I have a FUCKING addiction? No. I wouldn't.

    And that fucking angers me. I can't go back in time and warn my 11 or 12 year old self " DON'T FUCKING DO IT, IT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE!" Okay, porn hasn't ruined my life, at least not completely. But it hell sure is the closest thing to deserve that assumption. And it hell sure has ruined some of it.

    The biggest and the most frustrating question of them all " What it could have been?". And don't say "do it now", no I can't, that's sugar coating. I can't get back 12-18 years. Why those years? Because I think those years were harmed the most by this. I was a bit shy and didn't take changes BUT HEY, IT DOESN'T MATTER, YOU HAVE PORN!
    The thing is, what if I didn't have? What if my options were "stay in the corner and be miserable or take a fucking chance". I bet staying in that corner would have got boring in a while. And I wasn't into alcohol, smoking or drugs, I was too much of a "good boy" to do that and girls seemed the most interesting. So after a while, I would've took that chance and who knows what it could have been? But for me and everyone else who experienced these same feelings, it was "stay in the corner and watch endless novelty of porn." And also video games but that wasn't as bad as porn because at least video games are not a big part of my life anymore, I don't play them by myself anymore, only with friends if we're bored. But porn stayed. Porn fucking stayed.

    In war, there is a strategy that relates to this actually. If you know for certain that you are going to win the enemy eventually, it's better to give them a some way out( like surrending) rather than "no mercy, we kill you all".
    Because if the enemy knows they will die nevertheless, they have nothing to lose. If they are going to die anyway, they might as well take as many of their killers with them. So they fight with even more rage, giving their everything before they die. But if there's a chance, even a little chance to survive,
    people will grab it eventually since no one wants to die. This also means less casualties for your army. So it's a win-win actually.

    What if porn was our "white flag" everytime we had had enough, that life sucked and we just wanted to let go of control and pain and wanted to "surrender". But what if we didn't have that white flag? What if when we were down, so down that we wanted to give up. But we couldn't give up. Giving up was meaningless, it wouldn't take the pain away. So at some point, we would realize that "okay, if I'm going to feel this pain, I might as well fight against it since I've got nothing to lose." And by fighting I mean fighting against everything that drives you to watch porn.
    Because there is something that drives you there. But now you don't have porn but the pain is still there and it hurts. The only option you have left is to fight. Fight and find the reason you're running away from and finish it.

    PS. I wanted to watch porn after writing that. I really did. But I didn't. Because goddamit, my words are meaningless if I say to you that fight against it and then I don't do that myself.

    So let's say that I won't this fight but the war is far from over.
     
  12. nofap219

    nofap219 New Member

    That video with pornstar ... It opened my eyes a little bit more ... porn really fucks you up . Because of porn i was thinking that girls only wanted to have sex with different men and wants no relationships . But now i start to believe that that's a lie . With every day i start to believe that porn is really bad.
     
  13. no94

    no94 All or nothing.

    Wow, I can relate a lot to what you said. I often think about how things would be if we lived in medieval times. We would need to work in the fields so our families don't starve etc.
    Also, all our wasted youth years. But I am positive that we can make up for what we lost! We still have a lot of time in our life left.

    Lately I had a ton of exams and I was thinking about how to minimize time on the internet.
    I came up was this method: remember, that while you're meditating, you shouldn't scratch yourself? Don't judge the distraction, just breathe and focus on that.
    Basically, this is "just do it"-mentality, and I had some success with applying this method to studying and even to not PMOing sometimes.
    You know your goal/focus (breath in meditation, passing exams or eliminating brain fog), and you know your distraction (a scratch, the internet, porn etc.): don't judge it and just let go of it!
    I hope this is helpful for you. Keep fighting
     
  14. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    I really liked this analogy, and I think it pretty accurately describes how I've felt about P at times. When you're low but realize P will only make things worse. We need to remember how our subconscious works though. On the surface we're telling ourselves 'screw P, it's only going to dig me deeper into this hole of (insert some type of pain); so I might as well not screw myself over even more by watching P’. But if we approach this feeling morose and dejected ('life sucks, but P will only make it suck more'), then our subconscious senses those feelings and not the higher order messages behind them. Those feelings could then ironically make P more desirable. So that's why I think, as you said, 'finding the reason you're running away from P' and holding it in the forefront of your mind is the real key. It's about staying positive and having something to look forward to, filling ourselves with positivity that contradicts the negativity surrounding P.

    Great strategy. Judging the distraction attaches feelings to it, keeping you anchored to the distraction. But simply taking a step back and distancing yourself from those distractions by focusing instead on breathing is probably much more effective.
     
  15. Youngfella

    Youngfella Active Member

    Glad that it helped you. And yeah, porn fucks up your mind about girls perspectives on sex and relationships. Girls want a relationship more than men do and it's guys who want to have sex with different women, at least more than women do . Girls really want in the end the best man possible for them, for what they value in a man and in a relationship, just remember that they have different tastes. Guys want the perfect wife, who doesn't but in the mean time, if that perfect woman hasn't been found yet, nothing really strokes a man's ego more than having sex with a new woman. Because it's harder for men, sex is almost a damn achievement for a man. If a girl is even decent looking, she can get laid any day of the week( although few women actually want that but that's just how if they wanted). But a man has to work harder for it.

    Just remember that casual sex doesn't really bring you any long time value, an instant thrill of course and if you're looking for that, that's fine. But if you want something that gives you long time value, casual sex doesn't give that. It might give you fun times but it won't give you fulfillment. I mean, if it did, why hundreds of millions of people would get married, eh? But it's your choice man, your life.

    Cool to hear that we share similar opinions so oftenly. Medieval times would fucking suck, I always facepalm myself when someone (usually young or naive) says " oh, these days suck, I wish I lived in that and that time where there were cool knights and stuff". Although I get it that media glorifies knights as heroes and portrays them well in movies and shows, living in those times would fucking suck. If we put someone from 21st century to medieval times and bring someone from medieval times to this day, the 21st century kid would be begging to be brought back probably in a week while the medieval one would probably think he's in a some kind of heaven. But yeah, wishing to live "in the glorified past" is just a another way of escapism so whatever.

    We just don't have a lot of time in our lives left, we have our whole lives ahead of us. Yes, if we live up to about 80, that means 1/4 of our lives has passed. That's a fact. But also that (if we live to 80) 3/4 is still left, undiscovered. And who´s in charge of that adventure completely from now on?
    We are. We aren't kids anymore, age doesn't hold us back. No better time to be alive. We are fortunate as hell. This is our only time in the history books. Let's make the best out of it.

    I appreciate the kind words, Letscrackthis. Your response was brilliant also, it gave me new, useful insight. Especially the parts I bolded when I quoted you. I never really understood the "don't judge the urge" but now I get it.
    If we judge it, the urge actually gains more energy ("the forbidden fruit", the "I shouldn't do this so why I think of this", etc. judging adds these powerful emotions to the bowl of already powerful emotions (stress, horniness, loneliness, tiredness, hungriness, etc.) ) and what that bowl is actually?
    THAT IS DOPAMINE! And even though those feelings are negative emotions, it's still dopamine.
    So thanks to no94 for clarifying the "don't judge, let it go" part.



    Quite a long post but oh well. Have too much time on my hands nowadays.

    The battle continues.
     
  16. Azz

    Azz Live Free.

    Cmon man, like you said a quarter of your life has passed. Its time to take control of your life and steer in the direction you want.
    You fucking got it bro, everyday is a battle but just push through and be the best version of you.
     
  17. Youngfella

    Youngfella Active Member

    1000th post.


    Holy shit! I've been writing here for some time. ;D


    But anyways, this 1000th post is actually a perfect example of what has been happening during these past few days. I've been reading "The Power of Habit" for some time. There are a lot of examples of recovering alcoholics and AA meetings. A habit loop = first the cue, then routine and then the reward. Craving gives the habit loop it's fuel.
    The best way to change a habit ( you can't actually delete a habit but you can change it a bit ) is to keep the cue and reward but change the routine.

    If you can do this, very good, but it takes more than that to quit a habit. You also have to have belief.
    Because when we get really stressed in life or something traumatic happens, this is when the old habits quickly kick back in because they have worked before at reducing pain, at least some of it or numbing it for a while. But there's a better way. During these stressful and traumatic moments, you have to have faith, a true belief that things will get better. Can you see yourself in the future with a good life, a life without porn? Do you believe, truly believe, that it's possible, that it will happen? Just start believing, say it out loud, "I believe I will have a life without porn, I believe I will be free, I believe things will get better". Because at the AA meetings, the ones who succeeded the most had one thing in common: they believed in something, they had faith. Whether in God or just that things would and will get better. They had belief.

    I have always had this belief deep inside of me, that one day I'll be free of porn and that life is better then. This has always been one of the biggest reasons for me to quit, because at one time in my past, I experienced something that was better than porn, something I hadn't truly felt before, something that made life without porn seem much, much better than life with porn. That something was Love. I know, cliche, but bear with me. For the first time, someone loved me and I loved her. It's the best feeling I've ever experienced. But although it was wonderful, there was a slight problem:
    I loved her but not myself.


    I kinda lost my "religious faith" a few years ago and since then, I haven't "believed" in anything. But few days ago, I was laying on my bed and I just crossed my hands, "prayed" like sort of and I said many times "I believe that things will get better." I repeated that so many times that I lost count. In the beginning, I felt hypocritical and a voice in my head was raging back at me like "Shut up, you look stupid, lame, who are you trying to fool? etc." but I kept going, even though I felt like an idiot but I just kept repeating it, just focusing to force those words out of my mouth and tried to mean what I said.

    And suddenly, it started to work. I started to feel calm, relaxed and just good inside. Only thing I had to do was to keep repeating those words, ignore the inner critic and be patient. And it worked. I even started to say
    "I forgive you" and I repeated that too. And all of these bad things that I have done in the past, to each one I said
    "I forgive you". It felt so relieving and powerful. I literally felt something inside my stomach and chest moving and turning smaller(maybe my stomach and chest were the parts of my body where shame transformed itself to a physical feeling?). Even though at some points I didn't fully mean it, it still felt good to say it, like forgiving a bit of it at least. With some stuff, one "I forgive you" was enough, with some it took like 10-20, maybe even that wasn't enough but this is just the beginning, can't cure everything at once. And saying things with your own voice is stronger than writing them down.

    There's still a lot of things out there in my mind and the other part of me still says that I'm hypocritical but I just feel so calm right now. I said that I'm good, I accept myself, my body, my thoughts, that I deserve to be happy, to love and be loved. I even said that I love myself. I know this sounds corny as hell, believe me, my inner critic won't let me get out of this so easily, not in the slightest. But I think I just need to keep doing this, saying these things to myself and maybe someday, I can 100% mean them. Repetition is the key.

    And the impact of this during urges has been HUGE. When I had an urge today, I just said to myself that
    even when I'm feeling this urge, I'm still a good person, valuable and that things will get better and I believe that.
    And that I forgive myself that it took me so long to realize to value myself. And just like that, the urge lost it's power.
    If shame tries to say to me I'm a bad person, I just calm down, repeat all of the things I said above, repeat it until the inner critic calms down and move on, feeling good and valuable.

    Shortly, it feels "healing" to say these things to myself, even though I might not yet mean them 100%. But I will, one day.
     
  18. no94

    no94 All or nothing.

    Wow, this is amazing. Yes, we often de-value the power of loving ourself, we think it doesn't have an impact, or we look for "material", "real" things to help or to fix us.
    But it's so important to realise that these feelings from the inside have a huge impact aswell. Great post. I'm going to try this too.
     
  19. Youngfella

    Youngfella Active Member

    I'm following now the "Orgasm Reboot" approach, which TheUnderdog created; you separate the porn and masturbation counters, this way you're not "back to zero" if you end up masturbating without porn.
    I believe this approach will work for me much better than the black and white, all or nothing thinking. Like YBOP states, porn is the problem, stop using artificial sexual stimuli and find out what works for you. I quote Gary Wilson:

    "Masturbation is NOT a relapse. Applying the word 'relapse' to natural rewards is complicated, at best. If you choose to use the word relapse, apply it only to porn and porn substitutes."

    Yeah, some people can go without masturbation, I know that. But after fighting against this for 2 years, I'm tired of it and tired of getting disappointed again, again and again. Because mostly the bad feelings come from that I "couldn't get to my goal, couldn't control my instincts, my willpower is weak, I couldn't transmutate sexual energy, benefits will be gone buuhuu", not because I physically felt bad after it. Of course the porn made me feel like fucked up but the negative thoughts about masturbation in itself were totally unnecessary and just created unnecessary stress and shame.

    I put so much pressure on myself although the number of men who can control their sex drive 100% is probably 1/million. Going the rest of your life without masturbation does sound impressive and impactful but it's unrealistic. I'm not saying that from now on I start to masturbate everyday multiple times. My use of masturbation from now on is basically when I need to blow off a wave of sexual energy(If I can't have sex then) before it becomes physically painful and starts to sabotage everything, my thinking, my focus, my mood which would soon transform into a full blown porn relapse like it has happened so many times before. Or like this guy said on this forum "Personally, I want to get to the stage where I masturbate once in a while to relieve an uncomfortable physical feeling, and nothing else" Sounds perfectly fine for me. But I don't use porn.

    Orgasm doesn't kill progress, porn sessions do. The thought "Well, I might as well watch porn now that I've masturbated" is very dangerous and one of the biggest justification bullshit's ever. Never listen to it. Never act on it. Just ignore it.

    I wanted porn out my life, that was the whole idea in the beginning. But like many others of my generation,
    to us, masturbation=porn. Even though it isn't. When you masturbate and let's say fantasize, the amount of scenes that you can come up with is nowhere as close as the amount of novelty you can watch in porn. I think this is crucial to understand. Fantasizing cannot overload you like high speed internet porn. You probably get bored of fantasizing quite quickly anyhow.

    Porn is #1 problem. Whatever happens, I don't watch/use it. After all, we should be aiming to quit porn for the rest of our lives, right?

    I tried to do "hardmode" but it was not for me. Maybe I wasn't "strong enough", who knows. But even when I'm not going hardmode and that my reboot won't be "perfect", here are two quotes I would like to use as my "defence" which I found from this forum:

    "It is better to succeed slowly than to fail quickly."

    "I prefer a longer reboot to a set of mini-reboots that always end up with a relapse."


    I think this TheUnderdog's quote sums it up what I'm trying to say:

    "I understand the reasons for wanting to quit masturbation permanently (rising above your instincts, having more discipline and self control, being a superior man, forcing yourself to get laid, conserving sexual energy), but please keep it separate from your pornography addiction problem. Have a double counter, one for porn and one for masturbation."

    "There's nothing wrong with trying to quit masturbation forever,
    but let's not forget that porn is our #1 enemy here.
    "

    I'm so relieved that I don't have to be anxious anymore or even frightened about "oh shit, I touched my dick, I relapsed or at least I'm about to!". Just nice to not have that feeling anymore.

    I just relax and focus on quitting porn. It's not the quickest or toughest way but it's the right way for me.
     
  20. Youngfella

    Youngfella Active Member

    A TV-program on porn made in New Zealand.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iWY_Q3pqlI

    This is just one of those cool science videos you watch on tv when you have nothing else to do but it's still encouraging to see these kind of videos being made, the more the word spreads out, the better.
     

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