Age 22: NoFap to relieve HOCD

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by imonyounot, Apr 6, 2013.

  1. imonyounot

    imonyounot New Member

    Not going to go into too much detail, if you really want to read my terrible story of HOCD which I've been suffering from for about 9 days is here

    As opposed to going back to my post, and seeing if anyone is sharing words that "comfort" me. I decided to start this journal so I can express how I feel, which (I'm hoping) will make me feel better.

    I began to PMO around 11/12 on heterosexual p, I believe it began as images, not much you could really do with 56K back in the day.. Lol.. As many of us it moved from images, to videos, to more hardcore videos, to fetish stuff, to trans stuff, to gay stuff... and yea.. to foreign for me, didn't like my thoughts, so now I'm here... :(

    Anyways, when I begin this journal, I am on Day 3 of NoFap, or stimulation at that, and here will be my first journal entry as followed.

    - I wake up feeling less anxious, but I am still anxious, as before I don't know why but I know that I am scared about something. As my mind wakes up and my day begins to roll out, I remember what I am anxious about, my intrusive homosexual thoughts. I feel as if only after 3 days of NoFap my intrusive thoughts have began to diminish... Not too sure what to be thinking.. But everytime I get a groinal response to something I don't like, I kill it off by telling myself its what I really do like, the fact that i DON'T like it, tells my mind "yea this idea is completely BS.." and I can dismiss it. Hopefully things get better, I used to never have these thoughts, I want my old mind back (just how i was 2 weeks ago)... But... Until tomorrow...
  2. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    I'll give you a important tip that has helped me with internal conflict. Tell yourself that porn and acting out is simply not an option, that it is an unhealthy vice that is an enemy to your wellbeing and life. You wouldn't go take heroin would you because you know full well of it's implications. Think of porn and acting out the same way. Tell your subconscious that under no circumstances will you entertain the idea of engaging in such behaviors. Reaffirm this in your mind throughout the day and it will sink in.

    underdog, the maker of this forum created a thread on it.
  3. Selzis

    Selzis New Member

    Pretty much in the same boat as you, well didn't have those experiences but still. Yes morning is definitely the worst part of the day, seems in the night the brain had enough time to make up stuff to kill our mood for the rest of the day. Stay strong buddy, it's definitely going to take some time to heal those wounds. We just seek dopamine, simple as that: Brain remembers that gave us the most dopamine = trying to get it again. But if something even scares you is a perfect sign to stop. Wish you best of luck on your way out of PMO :).
  4. imonyounot

    imonyounot New Member

    DAY 4 (April 7, 2013): Hey guys. So last night I went to bed with anxiety again, and woke up with anxiety... again. BUT, I will be completely honest. I can genuinely say I now know my problems were induced from porn NO DOUBT. I cant lie.. I am awfully horny, but I will NOT have sex for at least 2 weeks, and I DEFINITELY wont PMO at least for another 26 days (to 30).

    So how am I doing with my HOCD today? It's not bad, the intrusive thoughts are less and less hectic, because I told myself to accept them. What do I mean by accept them? I agree with the thoughts, even reinforce them by repeating them... the fact that my NATURAL self knows these thoughts are NATURALLY bullshit to me, it helps me dismiss them and move on with my life.

    I also feel it is really important to go back to my lifestyle PRIOR to HOCD... Part of returning to my lifestyle is dis-associating myself with websites (or forums) like this. Nothing wrong with this forum or sites like this, matter of fact, with out them I probably would be dead as fried chicken right now... Personally, I cant thank Gary enough for taking matters in his own hands for research and helping all of us.

    I will only update my journal ONCE a day, and that goes with logging in here. I limited myself to 15 minutes on this board, and that goes for replying to messages.

    My arousal for women is already picking back up dramatically, I swear each day with NoFap you go back to your natural self, its truly amazing.

    It really does help clear your mind also, even tho I am thinking about sex (trying to refrain)... its more of the sex I want and is NATURAL to me.. not that other mumbo jumbo.

    Wish me luck guys.
  5. imonyounot

    imonyounot New Member

    DAY 5 (April 8, 2013): Today, like the others, has been much better. I can't help but think each day I go on with #NoFap, my anxiety gets weaker, and the intrusive thoughts become less and less important. I'm not going to lie, still wouldn't mind finding a nice girl to have some fun with, or maybe even fap, but I'm going strong. I have an appointment with the therapist tomorrow, I've never seen one before, and I don't know if I will go, might just cancel the appointment. I feel like I am handling this HOCD great on my own, really I know I'm not homosexual... But the fact that I was disturbed with those thoughts just a week ago, they are still lingering.. BUT my anxiety is reduced a bunch, and I'm starting to see things as I saw them before... The re-wiring process is working, and I can see how people agree it can be faster in people near my age...

    Until tomorrow guys!
  6. imonyounot

    imonyounot New Member

    DAY 6 (April 9, 2013): Going strong. Starting to feel my flatline for women decrease which is very nice. Saw my doctor today, told him everything, he had some great things to suggest. He prescribed me Xanax now, I got really bad anxiety earlier but after the Xanax it really helped me. I'm feeling better everyday, tomorrow will be a week strong and I promise I will keep it going... Until tomorrow!

    p.s. if anyone is reading my updates, feedback is appreciated!
  7. imonyounot

    imonyounot New Member

    DAY 7 (April 10, 13): Cool. A full week now, and today I have felt the best since beginning. Really enjoying the re-wiring, I feel like each day that goes by your mind goes back to what is natural. Went out with some friends last night, it was good, no anxiety, just good times with the right people. I'm a believer guys. Haven't taken any Xanax today, I'm not going to take them that much, it is just good to know there is a fall back I suppose. Each day that goes by gets better and better...
  8. imonyounot

    imonyounot New Member

    DAY 8 (April 11, 13): Pretty much feel the same and yesterday. Got a bit anxiety yesterday, but that disappeared quick. Was texting this girl until really late at night, got a bit flirty/sexual discussion. Just the thought of her really turned me on, got erect and what not... I mention this to establish that my flatline is becoming non-existent. Awesome!
  9. imonyounot

    imonyounot New Member

    DAY 12 (April 15, 13): So I had a good weekend. Went out and drank for a friends birthday. There were lots of people but everything felt right. Ended up with the girl at the end of the night, we kissed and a bit of foreplay but no sex. I was ready to go, as aroused as I have always been for girls. My flatline is coming to a very minimal only after 12 days... I'm almost at 2 weeks and feeling great guys. The HOCD symptoms I had are completely coming to a minimal. #NoFap is the way to go. A re-boot will bring you to your natural sense of attraction, just give it a chance guys. I don't know how often I will be updating my log, but I will be.. Remember, I am doing NoFap to get rid of my HOCD and my flatline for females, and I have to say, it's working great. If anything big happens I will update, if not, I will keep you guys updated here and there.... Any feedback is great fellas. Thanks.
  10. imonyounot

    imonyounot New Member

    DAY 18 (April 21, 13): Logging in to write because I'm having bad urges to PMO. As far as my rewiring, everything is going well. If I have a trigger or anything, it goes away fast and i focus back on what I was doing. Seems like I get urges on Sunday's when I am just relaxing at home with nothing to do. I think staying busy is important... I refuse to PMO, although I would like to really bad to be honest. Until next time...
  11. Robane

    Robane Member

    The urges to PMO today have been really bad for me also. But, we have to remind ourselves what we are fighting for. We have to remember that we'll never truly be happy or satisfied going back to the old habits and compulsions. So stay in there man. Also, avoid lusting and fantasy. Those two things can absolutely kill a reboot.

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