Age 19, Day 19, Withdrawal Symptoms?

Discussion in 'Ages -19' started by Caesar, Jun 1, 2013.

  1. Caesar

    Caesar New Member

    Hey, everyone. I found yourbrainonporn awhile ago, but just discovered this forum, and I think I would really benefit from the support of people who are going through/have gone through the same process I am.

    I'm 19 years old and a full-time student, and I've been using porn since I was about 11 or 12. I've always had a love/hate relationship with it because of my religious beliefs, and I've tried to quit many, many times in the past several years, even before I found YBOP. But I just entered into a committed relationship with a fantastic girl a few months ago, and I've noticed that I have some of the symptoms of ED (lack of erections, erections fade quickly). I saw that it was hurting her and causing her to question herself and her own value and beauty, so I decided that this time I needed to do it for real - for myself and for her.

    Right now I'm on 19 days of no porn, though I have masturbated three times to light sexual fantasy (always concerning my girlfriend, and not porn scenarios). She's been phenomenal throughout the whole process; we've been friends for several years now and she's been nothing but supportive and compassionate throughout the whole thing. She helped me set up a stricter filter on my computer and my phone and she's always available for me to call or text if I'm going through temptation.

    The reason that I wanted to join this forum, however, is that things seem to have taken a turn for the worse lately. About three or four days ago, I started feeling extremely anxious, depressed, and lonely. My birthday was a few days ago as well as my first day of work; my family came in from out of town and took me out to eat and all the people at my new job were extremely warm and helpful, but I was fighting back tears the whole day. I've lost interest in a lot of things that used to bring me pleasure (reading, music, being outdoors, hanging out with friends), I keep feeling like I'm on the edge of crying, I've broken down and cried a few times for no visible reason, and I have this irrational fear/conviction that I'm friendless and alone. I mean, a few of my friends are out of town for the summer, but I still have a couple people around that I've known for a long time and with whom I'm close. So there's no logical reason for me to be feeling this way. I think the worst part of it right now is that my girlfriend is in California for a few weeks. We still talk, of course, but I won't be able to see her for another three weeks or so, and she's the person with whom I'm closest and who's been helping me out the most.

    I haven't really been tempted to relapse so far, though I'm still very much on guard. This whole round of depression seems to be coinciding with my flatline - I can still get mildly aroused or excited, but I haven't had a spontaneous erection in about a week and overall my penis seems to be more shrunken than usual. I suppose I just wanted to hear from other people and find out if any of this strikes a chord. Have any of your withdrawals been like this? Are withdrawals typically this intense, and do they usually happen at this point in the process? How long can I expect this to continue? Answers, support, or even just sharing your own experiences are all very much appreciated. Thanks, guys.
  2. Monkey

    Monkey Everyday is a success.

    Hey Caesar. First of all, welcome to the forums and a new, porn-free life. Nineteen days is a really good start.

    As far as the withdrawal symptoms, I would say it is normal. I say this because I have experienced some of your emotions before, but only to an extent because you may have ED (and I don't think I have ED). As to how long they will continue is anyone's guess. My crazy emotions went away suddenly after a few days, because I tried doing different activities. But the symptoms of withdrawal will most likely last much longer. Heck, even at Day 110 I am still facing temptations and sexual dreams. But, it is a vast improvement from my past. The reboot is dependent on several variables, so it will be different for everyone.

    I'm just speaking from my own experience, but yours is much different. What I think and what others may say are just guesses. This isn't entirely predictable. Hang in there, as long as you stay porn-free, you will continue to rewire everyday. I wish you the best of luck.
  3. Caesar

    Caesar New Member

    Thanks, Monkey - your comment and your posts are both inspiring.
  4. Youngfella

    Youngfella Active Member

    I just wanted to say that these two quotes are like taken from my mind. I always thought that porn was morally wrong but the power of it faded when horniness became stronger. I tried to stop time to time but this is the real deal right now, so I´m glad you´re on this journey too.

    I too have close friends and then some buddies which I see at gym. I just have had this new fear which is that I´m wondering can I make new strong relationships with totally new people? My best friends are from the middle school and one is my childhood friend. About loneliness, I would like to feel that I can live happily on my own and that I don´t need anyone to rescue me. Maybe I´m not strong enough yet to think that way all the time. And who doesn´t want a girlfriend, right? You are very lucky, remember that. And let her know, that she´s special to you. It´s hard to be away from someone you truly care about. Believe me, I know that feeling.

    This was more about me sharing my experiences ( I kinda do that a lot ) so sorry about that a bit. :D 19 days without PMO is really good! My record is 16 so you beaten me already, although this is no way about competition. I think you will do just fine. :)

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