Again, I Need A Community to Help...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Guy_Stewart, Jun 14, 2017.

  1. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    2&2

    "Frankly Guy, I've delighted in having a great friend on this journey."
    Wow...thank you. It lightens my heart.

    "If we can fantasise about p, we can redirect that and fantasise instead about life post-p."
    Duh! Now there's a thought! I don't even have to imagine. INSTEAD of beating myself up (or off, pun intended), I can be assured that I CAN go for an extended period without using porn or masturbating to it...because I HAVE DONE IT. I can't read any more into that time, I'm not going to try to re-create it. It's a fact that, whatever the circumstances were, I went for 169 days without PMOing.

    Thank you for directing my thought and focus in that direction.

    Love you!
     
  2. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    0&0

    How do you deal with stress and grief in a healthy way? My BIL is back in the hospital and kicked out of the senior residence...my wife is devastated and has washed her hands of her brother and his behavior. Let the nephews deal with him...

    Raskolnikov said: "Tbh porn is so highly unnatural. I believe so morally, but beyond that just that it has zero nutritional, mental, physical/physiological or spiritual value. All it will do is deplete and impoverish all those dimensions of the human experience. I very much question the so-called 'sexual revolution', it has in my view stifled and strangled sexuality. Physical intimacy is one of those blessings that is the sanctity of humans, whereby we can have a real appreciation for it. The way it is today is rather brutish, even the words used are telling 'smashed', 'banged' and 'owned'.

    "How do I see sex now in relation to the 60s ideal? Well the sexual revolution is one of those big theories like communism, conservatism or feminism that seeks to explain a worldview. That alone makes me suspicious and feel as though from the get-go that it was a movement intended and engineered to seize the minds of individuals by compartmentalising them into a group. In the 60s they were teens and twenty-somethings heading that movement, no surprise as Mcdonalds/Burger King might operate according to a principle that if you get them in early, you can have lifetime customers.

    "Not only that but sexual liberationn but has it liberated? Not if you're asking single Mothers, and children of lone parent families. Not if we consider growth of unwanted pregnancies and a ballooning world population in the less economically developed nations.

    "Here in the Wild Wild West, rather ironically people have less relationship satisfaction, higher divorce rates, highest rates of mental illness and most paradoxically (or not) less not more sex. "

    Oh, also: best friend from forever is no longer speaking to me...

    Brilliant summation.

    Begin again, Guy.
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  3. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    1&1

    I don't know what freedom would look like to me. I feel so bound -- to dad, my BIL, even work -- where I have been relegated...my writing is at an alltime standstill and I don't know where to go. My wife and I have had sex for years...I'm fat and struggling not to get fatter...

    I will WORK to visualize freedom. For me, the way I need to visualize it has to do with my faith. It's more complex than that, but I'll let it suffice for now.

    Thank you Raskolnikov.
     
  4. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Guy, wishing you well. I'm glad you are staying connected, even as you struggle. I'm not nearly as good at that as you are. Stay in the game. You are getting closer to that breakthrough you've been striving for. Walking with you.
     
  5. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    3&3

    Thank you for stopping by, Mozenjo. It's good to see you!
     
  6. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Raskolnikov. You are a strong anchor for me right now. BTW -- you are not alienated from me. You have become a "part of me"...thank you. Love you right back.
     
  7. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    4&4

    The struggle to NOT PMO is bound up in my self-image; not even a recent thing, but a very long ago thing. I didn't like myself, there was no joy in "me", so I ate. Later, when I hit puberty, I could MO and that made me feel good (not about myself...THAT'S where I was fooling me,confusing "feeling good" with orgasm; and "feeling good about myself". Somehow, the two got tangled together in my brain. Food produced the same thing: food and PMO made me feel good; ergo, I felt good ABOUT MYSELF. So eating and MOing (adding P when I discovered it eventually) made me feel good...so PMO and eating made me feel good "about myself".

    But I AM a good man with a good wife and good friends. Eating (OVER-eating) and PMO do make me feel good. I like the feeling (I'd be a liar if I said it doesn't feel GOOD to PMO) BUT...my grandkids love me. My wife and friends love me. They've told me they do. God loves me (John 3:16).

    The paradigm I live in has to shift from PMO and overeating make me feel good. FACT.

    It has to shift to my friends, family, and God love me and I feel good about myself. NEW PARADIGM. (I know, "I love me" has to be there. One step at a time!)

    Love you, Raskolnikov. Our lives have been woven together for a bit. Thank you.
     
  8. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    5&5

    Not much time today. I'll comment, etc., tomorrow!
     
  9. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    6&6

    Good observation. It's when I get away from posting that things fall apart more quickly. Having the sense that there are others WHO COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND ME AND MY ADDICTION, watching over my shoulder, and to whom I am responsible, is a strong deterrent to PMOing...

    Thank you, good sir! Love you. (PS -- I never use those words lightly; just so you know!)
     
  10. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    7&7

    Stopping by quick. Gotta run to work!
     
  11. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    What a great post. So we'll put.
    And the internet has been SUCH a vehicle to proliferate these things.
     
  12. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    8&8

    STILL running. Just checking in and I'll be around to comment at length tomorrow! Thanks to all of you who check up on me!
     
  13. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    10&10

    Not sure how I got here, but...wow. Time is flying.

    Not without temptations, but I haven't PMO'd, either.

    Again, I have to stop and go. Sunrise is in a half an hour and I have to get biking...we don't have much more biking weather left here. Snow and ice are not far away!
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  14. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    11&11

    Thanks, Raskolnikov! Not much to say, today. Busy weekend and not much time "alone with me an my computer", so that was the BEST thing that happened!

    Talked to Dad last night and that was really sad. While I know in my brain that he will continue to deteriorate, my heart can't believe it and I'm SO uncomfortable with how he sees me. "You're the only one who ever calls me..." he said last night. While that's unlikely to be true, it's how he sees me in the moment and that makes me so sad, because I have never LIKED my dad much. We're so different in so many ways, and how he treated me when I was little and when I was a teen...well, some of that is why I ended up here, a porn and masturbation addict...
     
  15. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    0&0

    Dad. Work. Feeling sorry for myself.

    Raskolnikov wrote: "...it has long been my mantra 'you only have to be clean for 1 day, time will pass independently of us all."

    Start again.
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  16. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Hey there Guy
    I don't have the dad part yet(he's still doing ok) .....but the work and feeling sorry for myself is a field I have plowed many a time. (I'm out in the middle of one right now)o_O
    Regardless of how I feel I am trying to find integrity waaayyy down deep and focus on that north star.
    I have followed your thread with pride for you and your struggle for that same integrity.

    CS Lewis once wrote"Only those who tryto resist temptation know how strong it is"

    We are resisting temptation!!
    Soldier on sir!
     
  17. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    0&0
    like a week ago I went on a binge...

    Here I am again
     
  18. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Yes you are. A bear hug of encouragement sir
     
    Raskolnikov likes this.
  19. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    3&3

    I'm back here. However, I may go over to RecoveryNation...don't know yet...
     
  20. Rapha

    Rapha Active Member

    Is there anything you can learn from the binge you went on, i.e. what steps can you take to make sure you're better prepared next time? You've invested a lot of time in this journal, stay here and stick it out. From what I recall these forums are more active than RN. Having said that, I think recovery nation is a great site. The workshop lessons are intense and I find them really hard work (never made it all the way through) but I still believe it's one of the best resources out there - full of insightful information and practical actions to lead us towards fulfilling lives based on a vision and core values.
     
    Boxer17 likes this.

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