Again, I Need A Community to Help...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Guy_Stewart, Jun 14, 2017.

  1. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    I find that other 'things' in our life naturally start to take over when we quit porn, I have picked up a caffeine addiction, which I think is almost necessary at this point to fuel my low dopamine issues.

    Filling your time with work and goals like losing weight will prove to fill the void of lack of PMO...and that is a good thing...to forget about P and replace it with other dopamine producing things. Over time you'll get into a flatline and things will be easy for a while...just never forget that it's still in there. Peace.
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  2. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    21 pounds in 2 months is very impressive, Guy. I imagine that losing that my weight requires strong motivation. You clearly have it in you to quit PMO if you harness the same will and desire in this arena of your life as well. Wishing you continued strength.
     
  3. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    I think that can be a huge key New30!
    Keep busy and fill the void.
    Great post!
     
  4. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Good stuff Guy! Glad to see some traction building. Awesome on the weight loss front brother!
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  5. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    1&1

    My problem right now is that "I don't WANNA" -- accompanied by a foot stomp. Infantile (which is also part of the PMO addiction...I first wrote "problem", before that was going to write "issue"...that's where my mind is now. Forcing it to be a "little deal" when I know PERFECTLY WELL that my addiction is a big deal.)

    I've pretty much "gotten away with" my pornography and masturbating to orgasm addiction for YEARS. If you asked people, they'd be shocked to find out. Even people who know my sexual history would be shocked.

    Maybe the reason I am doing this dangerous game -- and I DO mean dangerous: I have masturbated in public many times, thirty + years ago, I cruised for sex. The "hunt" was part of the thrill. The problem (among others) was that I think I WANTED to get caught -- and then have people be shocked, then FORGIVE ME so that somewhere deep down in that pathetic part of me, I would finally have PROOF that people love me.

    But I already KNOW they do, so that part is done. I don't need to dig deeper. My addiction to porn and masturbation is just a plain addiction.

    My addiction to overeating was the same: if I got fat, no one would love me, thereby proving to myself that I was unworthy. But now that that's lost, all I have to hold onto is my PMO addiction.

    And I need to release that, too.

    I KNOW I do, but the infantile me, or what we've called the "reptile brain" just keeps saying, "I don't WANNA!"

    However, I DO have higher brain functions. Those are the ones addicted to dopamine. The "reptile brain" has nothing to do with that. It just reacts and can be overridden by the cerebrum -- the cognitive part of me; the "I think, therefore I am" part. But THAT one, unfortunately, has to be VOLUNTARY.

    And I don't WANT to be voluntary.

    Except today.

    Now.

    Later, my friends.
     
    nuclpow likes this.
  6. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Dear Guy,

    Many of us share your sentiments. I personally , fear rejection. I always have. I am picking that up from your statement regarding getting fat and not being loved. Often a nasty little voice tells us we are "unlovable". It is a lie. You are loved. Your family love you, you are a positive influence on the kids at your school. But the greatest love is that of your Father... our Father. God loves Guy Stewart. He always has and always will.

    God forgives you Guy. Jesus gave himself to save us. That is love that is hard for us to fathom and appreciate. So much so that many people reject it.

    Guy , I love and respect you. I forgive you. Can you also forgive me?

    Paul
     
  7. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Of course you don't want to quit, and in many ways you can't quit...that is what addiction does, it causes us to not be able to stop when we want to.

    I don't understand how some of you guys walk around the house with computers that don't have porn blocks on them every day? If I didn't have porn blockers on my computer I wouldn't have made it to this stage, now, I probably do not need them, but I would not have made it to here.

    Guy, you are a porn addict. Porn addicts don't want to stop and they cannot stop, without help...that help must go way beyond this forum most times.
     
  8. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    What I have observed is that the guys here who are able to consistently stay off PMO practice some form of "active recovery" to quote Billy.

    I'm slowly beginning to see that it's not enough to not want to be addicted. That's but one side of the equation. It's equally important, or more important perhaps, to figure out what we want in its place.

    On some level, mostly subconscious, I think, there is weighing of the benefits (rewards) and the costs (inner conflict).
     
    nuclpow likes this.
  9. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    I throw everything and the kitchen sink at my PMO addiction, if I didn't I would still be actively addicted. Peace.
     
  10. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Wow. Said SO well! Said so well!!!
     
  11. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    I think that is the key.

    Turning away from the destructive and toward something healthy
     
  12. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I needed to hear that. I always do, but today especially.
     
  13. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    Thank you, HowToKapow. You are SUCH a powerful man. Thank you. I'll watch it tomorrow morning. I deeply value you.
     
  14. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    3&3

    HeyRevolver said: "Stop running to whats historically never worked for you; porn."

    As obvious as that is, it is deeply profound.

    It's also simply right. After over 40 years of using porn, I don't feel any better today than the first day I watched it.

    Thank you ALL. 40New30: You are my ass kicker. Thank you.

    I'll be back tomorrow.
     
    nuclpow and HeyRevolver like this.
  15. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Over the years of our friendship, sir...I have noticed that that is what you require. See you tomorrow!
     
    HeyRevolver likes this.
  16. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Good stuff Mr Stewart! I am always cheering my buddy on! And you are so right... after decades of PMO you would really think we had figured out that porn makes NOTHING BETTER it is an insidious form of enslavement and we were created for so much more!
     
    Guy_Stewart likes this.
  17. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    You can do this.
     
  18. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    7&7

    Dang..this went fast...I haven't had time to be here OR anywhere else; and now the wife wanted to reduce our expenses so we have SLOWER internet...

    Do you know it's almost impossible to watch porn on slower internet? :)

    So...I'm doing well, actually. Just not as much time to go on social media. So if you were concerned -- don't be right now. I'm just busy. I'll get back as soon as I can and do some commenting...
     
  19. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    That's great, slower internet. I feel better with P completely blocked, but hey, it's working for ya!
     
  20. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    8&8

    Again, rushing out. But I'm good today...I still struggle with...um...touching myself. Can't help it (obviously) sometimes and sometimes it leads to more fondling. I haven't MOd in 8 days, but sometimes I want to.

    Just puttin' it out there. How do I deal. MO for me, this early often leads to relapse. I'm trying to avoid it this time. Tips? Helpful hints? Something more than "Don't"...

    Later, all!
     
  21. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Get up and go! I just lost a great friend , he also was a writer, he does not get to create anymore, you do friend. Guy you have the strength, and if you don't call out to God! You share Faith. Use your Faith.
    Stay well dear friend and please do not MO.
     
  22. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Don't is only like half the equation...the rest is what you choose to do with your days, how positive you are, listening for your mind when you're not paying attention to it, how much love you can feel for yourself and others, how well you can envision a life free from addiction, and just building a simple, good life...a life better than how porn feels.

    Cheers, bro.
     
  23. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    0&0

    Yeah. I fucked myself up.

    Main reason: didn't feel like going to get dog's nails trimmed and then to Menard's. Stupid. No "plan" in not wanting to go, just didn't want to and was working on my current story. Wife is gone, I'm alone for the first time in weeks and, as they say in MAMA MIA, "dot, dot, dot." Number one BAD thing to let happen. That's my biggest weakness. Not always, not every time, but THIS time, I wasn't thinking about PMOing...stupid head.

    Second reason: Biking and not getting up with much "cushion time". No plan not to come here and post, just short of half an hour to check in and check up and receive encouragement and to encourage.

    PRIMARY REASON OVER ALL: Lazy. Not even belligerently lazy. Just...(even worse in my personal repertoire of "badness") lackadaisical. La-de-da..."I got this. I know what I'm doing."

    The root cause of all of the above is stupidity.

    So, I'm back. All big stupidness of me.

    Sorry.

    So, I'm up with cushion time and climbing back on the horse again.

    I will make sure I have cushion time from now on. I will remind myself to NOT STAY HOME ALONE (we all saw the movie -- bad things happen!) I can't guarantee no more laziness, but I will strive to be more AWARE. I'll take my cue from HowToKapow and cultivate my mindfulness.

    So. That is all. I'm here again. Like I said, "All big stupidness of me."
     
  24. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    You are beloved Guy. No matter what you are a beloved child of God. God will give you the strength to get through this, perhaps you truly can not do this one your own like some of the other men, perhaps you must really turn back to your Lord. I know you found great strength in your Faith before. try again?
     
  25. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Seven steps forward, one step back is progress.
     
  26. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    2&2

    Busy yesterday, have a bit of time today, so here I am!

    Lots of "echo" yesterday from the PMO slip. It was a hard couple of days (pun intended), but when it was over, I was still standing. *whew*. I should be good again and back on track. 40New30 reminded me that while I crashed, I can crawl out of the wreck and keep on -- and that one wreck in two weeks is LESS time PMOing than before. Progress.

    Good thing to keep in mind. Thanks, ass-kicker!

    And all of you. I cannot DO this without the support of all of you. Thank you. I love you.
     
  27. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Just keep progressing...it took me about 4 years to get this current streak going, I failed A LOT. It's part of the process, just pick yourself up as quickly as possible and don't linger in la la land. :)
     
    Newman8888 likes this.
  28. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    4&4

    Moving on and it's good right now. Just thought I'd check in, add a positive note or two and get ready for work!

    Later, my brethren!
     
    Newman8888 likes this.
  29. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Cruise control...keep that streak rolling!
     

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